Don’t Ignore or Runaway, Keep On Moving!

Not all parents and child get along well together. For me, i have an ‘unique’ sort of a love-and-hate relationship with both of them. I used to keep this thing discreet, yet as i grow older, i tend to accept it the way it is and try not to make it a fuss especially after i”ve got married and have my own family. However i have to admit, this family issue thing isn’t that easy to ignore or forget. Maybe at the first place, it’s not a response that God wants me to have anyway (to try my best to forget and ignore it). God wants me to face it, to deal with it. Until when? I do not know.

Yet as I’m writing this entry, i come to really realize that it is so right what i said at above, that God wants me to face it, face every challenge, every things that look like pain.. instead of running away from it.. Holy Spirit is truly speaking at me right now..

These verses really strengthen me in facing this moment, as how the writer was very burdened by ‘trouble, wandering, the bitter root and poison’.. similar things I”ve been continuously carrying on and off for so many years…

Lamentations 3:19-26

Keep in mind my trouble and my wandering, the bitter root and the poison.
My soul still keeps the memory of them; and is bent down in me.

This I keep in mind, and because of this I have hope.

It is through the Lord’s love that we have not come to destruction, because his mercies have no limit.

They are new every morning; great is your good faith.

I said to myself, The Lord is my heritage; and because of this I will have hope in him.

The Lord is good to those who are waiting for him, to the soul which is looking for him.

It is good to go on hoping and quietly waiting for the salvation of the Lord.

In the end, the grace of the Lord prevails,
Giving me hope and courage to not giving up.
Thank You Lord for picking me up once again.

Love Letter to dear Jesus

Lord,
If I can be in heaven together with You forever & ever, it is not because I am holy as You are holy..
But only by the blood of Your Son, Jesus Christ, that has sanctified me and set me free..
Made me deserve heaven, eternity, and knowing You, the almighty God, the Creator of the whole universe..

Lord, I am amazed by Your great love. I will give You thanks with all of my heart. I will tell of all Your marvelous works… Things that You have done, things that You are doing, things that You will do…
In my life..
They are all good..
From the day I was born You have set a purpose for me..
To be Your daughter, to be Your worshipper, to be the apple of Your eye… I am the object of Your love, God.. And how I am so honored, and privileged..

Lord, I want to learn to know more of You… Your character, Your love.. Everything about You, Your Son, and Your Holy Spirit…

Lord, thank You for inviting me first to come freely in knowing You, Lord..
Thank You that You do not hide Yourselves from me, You always let Yourselves be met by me, a mortal human..
Thank You so much, Jesus…

I want to give You thanks for my fiancee, my family, my friends, my belongings.. All the blessings that I can enjoy while I am still in this earth… Let You reign above all of them, God…

I love You, Jesus. You know how vain and weak my love is yet You welcome me as who I am…

Thank You Jesus, I am ready to take a rest in my sleep, in Your presence.. Even as I’m sleeping You’re watching at me, You are God who never sleeps nor slumbers..
My life is perfectly saved in You and Your mighty power.
As I awake tomorrow morning, may my heart be filled with overflowing praise as You have allowed me to experience another day with You on this earth, with all the blessings that You have prepared..

Thank You Almighty God, good night!

Hug and Kiss,

Nanat

Reflection of FAITH

My Secret Place

Here in the middle of February 2010 I sit down and take time to reflect of my life.

I’ve been feeling low lately and I’m fighting to return to the loving hands of my Father in Heaven. With a human brain this small I’ve been feeding too many thoughts and with a heart this narrow and faint I’ve been putting too many burdens.

♥ I’m getting married in nine months and my own business will commence soon within a month ♥

Yet the Gate of Misfocused and Discontent is preventing me to move into the Place of Nonexplicable Joy. THIS IS A VERY VERY GREAT NEWS BY THE GRACE OF MY LORD!!! (I mean the part of I’m getting married and my dream to be an entrepeneur has becoming into a reality -I can see my faith in my dreams that once was only a seed has developed into buds and soon to flourish)

I need time to break, to ponder on which should I prioritize among these many thoughts in my brain and burdens in my heart. I want my wedding to be one that I’ve been dreaming of, a normal desire just like any other brides-to-be; I have to remind myself and struggle over it that it is not the most necessary. Yes, it is very important to me (without meaning to be selfish) but that is not a matter of “life and death”, what and how my marriage will be is!

How if I couldn’t get my fave wedding singer and band to sing beautiful love songs during the reception, my fave colors and styles in my invitations cards, a beautiful, classic, and elegant wedding gown with lots of layers and long train, my desired decoration theme, and so on, and so on?? Oh my oh my… Notice there’s lot of ‘my, me and myself’ here… Is that the most important thing? Me?

I MUST have courage to put that Selfish Child somewhere in the corner room of my heart grounded!  No pocket money, no way of her going out until she progressively changes to Miss Humble! When she gets out then she’d meet Mr. Grateful, only then the eyes of my heart will focus on the wonderful love between them two.

My other burden, how will our (me and my husband-to-be) future be when we’ve decided to move to Indo? Another encounter with Mr. Uncertainty and Doubt (I often meet him often these days and sooo many times before). If I didn’t bring my key of God’s Promise at all times with me, soon my faith will become weaker and weaker because instead of fixing my eyes to find the door with the given key from my Lord, I’d entertain myself with this Mr. Uncertainty and Doubt!

No good to my faith!

This is time for me to exercise my faith, to let God’s Words “May you walk by faith, not by sight” become alive in my life!

With other burdens such as family and financial issues, my other dreams that hasn’t been made come true (one of those is to write and publish my own book), and so on, and so on, deep in my heart I know even those aren’t the most important thing in my life! Once again they only involve worries, doubts, and stresses if I didn’t face those all with my faith in the Lord.

So what’s the most important thing now…………………………….?

My faith!

“Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him” – Hebrews 11:6

Why is faith the most important to me? Because without it I cannot please God!

Even though I’m not in the “peak moments” in my Christianity journey with the Lord at the present, deep inside my heart I still have this desire to have this kind of faith that is pleasing God!

Not deeds that’s pleasing Him, but (only) FAITH! Only to believe in Him, believe in His every promises, believe in His characters, virtues, and intentions! Believe that there is a special room for me special  in Heaven! Believe that even though I cannot see Him with my own eyes soon I will be able to if I didn’t give up or even look back! Believe that even though I cannot see Him, He sees all the way through my heart and life and my single actions! Believe that He must have not pleased with my every actions yet He still loves me perfectly!

BELIEVE! JUST BELIEVE!

When I wake up in the morning and feeling discouraged to face another day ‘without hope and purpose’, BELIEVE that this is the day that He has made for me and He’s willing for me to take pleasure in it just as a wonderful Father gives a gift to His beloved children! Believe that I am His beloved child!

Among all the struggles, the dillemas, the sufferings from the world’s corruption of sin, FAITH  is the most important thing! FAITH is the only thing I will possess eternally! The ‘heroes-of-faith’ mentioned in Hebrews 11 only inherit one thing to other witnesses of Christ: their faith!

“Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them” – Hebrews 11:16

 

O Dear Lord Jesus,

Please protect my faith in You. I praise Your name and I shout out with joy for Your presence in my life, and for the anointing power of Your Holy Spirit which is helping me to go deeper in Your truths and soar higher in Your power. I turn my eyes to the heavens anticipating new wisdom and deeper insights into Your sacred truths. I praise You that the kingdom You are establishing right now on this earth cannot be shaken.

I pray that I am becoming more confident about who I am in You, not from what the world defines about me.

Release me from bondage of living a defeated live!

Feed me with manna from heaven that fills my hunger and sustains me on my journey to the river of life where my thirst will be filled. Feed me with Your truths so I can grow stronger and be hope-filled. Fill me with hearts of praise for what You have already done for me, so I can join the chorus of praise now being lifted up.

Turn my hearts toward worship, praise, and thanksgiving when I start to wallow in self pity, selfishness, or pride.

Lord, help me to see that every day is an opportunity to prepare myself — every day is an opportunity to focus my minds and hearts on You and Your purposes — and every day is a day I can hear Your still small voice share its secrets with me, helping me to resist evil, and focus on truth, righteousness, and holiness.

I choose today to take refuge in You.

I choose to fear the Lord and not man, and I choose obedience over willfulness and submission over pride. I am blessed beyond measure already, and I praise and thank You for all You have provided, knowing that I will lack no good thing as I seek You first above all else.

And Lord, last but not least,

I pray bring me back my first love in You!

To You be all the honor and glory!

He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother :)

Spending my half morning searching for casual/part time jobs through SEEK… for some looking for jobs can be a stressful thing to do, including me..hehe… the thought of applying, checking over and over again your resume & cover letter, getting interviewed (!) etc etc, and to actually do it, wewwww…!!! Although in my life til now I’ve experienced more or less 10 different jobs, everytime I face the cycle it still pumps up my heartbeats and most often, in a so not comfortable way… ukhhh…

Yet I want to give thanks to my Lord… Although I am still looking for jobs, I am lack of nothing… He provides me a nice place to leave in, sufficient foods, all my needs He provide!… Thanks God…

 

This morning I also realized that God is in particular teaching me this:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit,

but in humility consider others better than yourselves” – Philippians 2:3

He is using this one single person particularly to teach me a humble and serving heart… who else than my brother that currently is together with me in Melb! For over two weeks doing these “housewifes chores” (and still going to continue to December at least! huehehehe..), I have to admit not all I did it with a cheerful heart… >.<

At some times I expected a little bit help from him (as simple as washing the dishes, filling up the drink water) yet he didn’t… Some other times I didn’t like he was being rude (either to me or his comments towards others)… Another time I complained in my heart why he couldn’t be more self independent (some of his actions and thoughts are still childish)… But well… He is my brother! I have this greater bond with him-we are family, and I know God is doing something in my heart as well as in his, so I do not want to put all blame in him. I admit sometimes I am also impatience… huhuhu.. forgive me Lord…

This morning as I sat ‘whining’ to God about him, He opened my eyes to other brighter side… Jesus’ point of view…

 

The more I complained, the  more I realized how much I should give thanks to my mom and my Lord…!

How often I didn’t realize I did the same thing to my mom (not giving her hand whenever she was in need, replying her comment or advice in a strong tone of voice-this meant acting rude towards her too-those are even still few to mention!)…

And also, how often I didn’t or forget to say thanks to my God for His goodness and for what He’s done to me, when on the other side I often expect my brother to at least say thanks for food I’ve prepared or on things I have helped him…

Not a good attitude of heart eh…

So, the more I complained, the more I was ashamed to myself…!

 

I thank God for He “does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our inquities” (Psalm 103:10)… and I also thank my mom for she’s been a wonderful, faithful, and loving mother to all of her children…! Hiks… Now I feel wanna cry…. :’(

Thank You so much Lord, for You have loved me just like Your own Son, therefore You allow this thing to process the purity of my heart…

Thank You for You have prepared me from now on to be a wonderful, loving, and faithful mother for my future- a mother who loves her children with all her heart, a wife who serves and loves her husband just like she loves her own, do anything for her family without any selfish ambition… You want me to serve, Lord, not to be served… When You serve, You never think of Your own benefits… You never expect something in return… How wonderful Your love is to me, Lord… You are my perfect role model, Jesus

Thank You for this wonderful lesson, God.. Enable me to serve and love my brother with all my heart, with a cheerful, giving, humble heart…

Me & my lil Bro who's not so little anymore... - Taken in China, Oct 2008

In the end, thank u baby, through u God’s shaping my character. I know God’s been preparing a wonderful plan and future for u too in Melbourne. I wanna be a wonderful sister for u, one who u can rely on… xxxx