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Don’t Ignore or Runaway, Keep On Moving!

20 May

Not all parents and child get along well together. For me, i have an ‘unique’ sort of a love-and-hate relationship with both of them. I used to keep this thing discreet, yet as i grow older, i tend to accept it the way it is and try not to make it a fuss especially after i”ve got married and have my own family. However i have to admit, this family issue thing isn’t that easy to ignore or forget. Maybe at the first place, it’s not a response that God wants me to have anyway (to try my best to forget and ignore it). God wants me to face it, to deal with it. Until when? I do not know.

Yet as I’m writing this entry, i come to really realize that it is so right what i said at above, that God wants me to face it, face every challenge, every things that look like pain.. instead of running away from it.. Holy Spirit is truly speaking at me right now..

These verses really strengthen me in facing this moment, as how the writer was very burdened by ‘trouble, wandering, the bitter root and poison’.. similar things I”ve been continuously carrying on and off for so many years…

Lamentations 3:19-26

Keep in mind my trouble and my wandering, the bitter root and the poison.
My soul still keeps the memory of them; and is bent down in me.

This I keep in mind, and because of this I have hope.

It is through the Lord’s love that we have not come to destruction, because his mercies have no limit.

They are new every morning; great is your good faith.

I said to myself, The Lord is my heritage; and because of this I will have hope in him.

The Lord is good to those who are waiting for him, to the soul which is looking for him.

It is good to go on hoping and quietly waiting for the salvation of the Lord.

In the end, the grace of the Lord prevails,
Giving me hope and courage to not giving up.
Thank You Lord for picking me up once again.

“To be a Praying Mother”

21 Jun

Today I learn something… And also getting to know another desire that God has put in my heart, which is to be a praying mother for my children.. To bless them by my prayers, love, & commitment..

It all started this morning, when I met my mom just for a couple of minutes at her house before I left to work. Last night I also met her when I dropped by to play with my niece. From those two occurrences, she has made three negative comments about my pregnancy (and I think those comments aren’t valid-according to my faith in Christ as well as logically based on doctor’s comment).

I admit I was annoyed by those negative comments. Instead of speak blessings, judgment and critics flowed out from her mouth so easily (and I have to admit too, I’ve been struggling to face this ‘trait’ of her for a long time, I feel it’s getting even worst during the last year). I cannot understand why her comments are always negative…

Then suddenly God opened my heart and mind when I was in the car thinking of what just happened…
All of her negative comments must come out of her heart. The problem is her HEART. Bad and negative things happened in her life have shaped her mind into what it is now…
I have been blessed because I have known Christ personally and He is the One who is continuously renewing my mind with His words.. Otherwise, I think more or less I would be the same with her!
And this knowledge and experience of Christ is all by grace.. Nothing I can be proud of!

The important lesson here is, having a mother as Christ’s believer truly make a difference! SHOULD or, even MUST make a difference!
Out of every Christ’s believers’ mouth should come out words of blessings and encouragement!
And I am sure this will make a great influence in the child’s life too, since his/her young age.

I may not experience having a mother who can encourage me with her words, but I have a desire for my children to have one. I have a desire to be the kind of mother whom I always long for, for my own children… :)

Bless and empower me Lord, to be a praying mother who blesses my children with my prayers, love, & commitment. It’d be my greatest joy if one day I could hear this from them,
My mom is my role model. She has a great faith and has faithfully guided me in the way of truth. I am so blessed by her

So Blessed by My ‘New’ Family

2 May

Just wanna share a simple sharing…
Over the last three weeks, my mom&sis-in-law were having their holiday in Jakarta (visiting from Jambi). They actually came to fulfill my ‘special request’… We (me&my husband, especially) are undergoing difficult times and I know how having his mom & sis close would mean so much for him. Nothing makes me happy other than to see my husband is happy too, and besides, his mom & sis are very nice and funny, I love them too :)

Simply said, having them in our home meant so much for me. I get to feel living as a ‘family’, something that I don’t experience anymore for a long time from my own mom&dad…
Here from my mom-in-law, I could feel her love and caring from simple gestures she did (she cooked many yummy and healthy dishes for me and my baby, we chatted and laughed together almost every night while watching tv, went shopping together, even bought me clothes, shoes, etc). Indeed it’s not the ‘things’ that I could get from her, but more to ‘time’ that she dedicated for me and her profile as a ‘mother’ beside me, eventhough she’s not my biological mom…

During my hard day on last Thursday (I lost my money in my bank account misteriously in a quite big sum and I got bad case at work causing me to be scolded severely by my boss… T_T), mom and sis-in-law were there to comfort me (it was their last night before went back to Jambi again on last week Friday)…

Thank You so much, Lord.. Having them is a precious treasure for me.. Having a wonderful husband besides me is truly Your amazing grace, something more than I ever imagined before.. Even more to have and to feel the warmness of a family again through my husband’s family… I can only say THANK YOU LORD!

Well… That’s it for now.. We keep praying for my husband’s family to be saved in the Lord (and for my own parents too)… One day that day will come, until then, help me to keep my hope alive in You, God… Thank You for Your mercy…

God’s Waiting Room

11 Sep

Being in God’s waiting room feels so long for me at the moment… “Until When?” is the question that often pops up in my mind… Then today I’m feeling a bit low on this Ramadhan day… After many years, this is my first time to be in Jakarta in this ‘Lebaran moment’… It triggers some memories back in the past… I remember I used to spend this long holiday season with my family going out to overseas or cities within Indo. Now as I see some teenagers happily updating their status in FB or BB, stating they’re going out for holiday with their family to overseas (Europe or Japan, how fun!), I can’t hide the sad feeling how I want to experience the same with my family… Beautiful places in overseas are just a bonus for me. What’s more important is the opportunity to spend our time together, enjoying the togetherness as a family. I don’t mind to have our time together in Indo either. Going to Bali, Puncak, Bandung – anywhere, I don’t mind. Even just to enjoy a happy family dinner together at home - I don’t mind. But… I don’t have all. I can’t remember when was the last time I experienced these moments… Moments that now can only be in my own imagination…

Lord, when will You bring back my family together as one…? When, Lord…?

I really want to enjoy being in Your waiting room, knowing that You, with the breakthroughs and surprises, will show up. But I’m starting to grow weary, God…

“Honor Your Father & Mother”

30 Aug

love our parents

Love our parents & family, they are precious gift from Lord God...

“Your first mission field is where you live”,

yes, this is main message I’ve received from God lately… It is not a coincidence for me to be here, at this such time and place… God has His plan. After been reminded very sharply through the church retreat recently about how important it is to be salt and light first of all in my family and to build my ministry here above anywhere else, it is now all down to the practical side. Some days are easy, but are more challenging for the others. It’s easy to be ‘salt and light’ where your parents are always nice to you, do things favorable to you, and if they are really ‘a good parents’ according to your definition. But how if they didn’t?

There are many problems in my family that I cannot simply tell to all people, even to my own friends. For years I have endured the same, if not even worst, struggles. Many times I am angry toward my parents, many times I demand justice from them and my right as a daughter, to receive their full attention and love. Many times I get disappointed. Yet from the deepest of my heart, I still love them, and I believe they also do. Sometimes there is a very strong mixture of love and frustration that causes people to act in ways that may be different from what they truly feel.

Take the example of David.

When Absalom, his son, killed his half-brother as revenge for the rape of his sister, Tamar, the family began to break down pretty rapidly. David was so angry with Absalom that he fled Jerusalem to avoid his father’s wrath. Absalom spent three years in exile and had no contact with his father, David. Yet 2 Samuel 13:39 said, “The heart of King David longed to go out to Absalom”. David was very angry to his son, but he actually wanted to be with him.

David finally overcame his negative feelings enough to call for his son to come home. Did David give him some big party to welcome him? No! “Now Absalom lived two full years in Jerusalem, and did not see the king’s face” (2 Sam 14:28). The king’s son is living right in the same city, and he doesn’t see his own father for two more years! Frustrated, Absalom says in v.32, “Why have I come from Geshur? It would be better for me to be still there. Now therefore, let me see the king’s face”. Finally, David allows Absalom to come in, “and the king kissed Absalom” (v.33)

You might think that from here everything was headed in a good direction in this father/son rship. Not so!

2 Sam 15 tells that Absalom went out and stirred trouble. He ignited a conspiracy against his own father! “And the conspiracy was strong, for the people increased continually with Absalom” (v.12). This is conspiracy of the worst kind! The son, rejected for five years but now reconciled to his father, still has so much anger in his heart that he pulled the nation away from his dad. Can you imagine King David had to flee Jerusalem because of this?!

Then when some numbers of his army said to David that they wanted to take the kingdom back, David commanded them to get the throne back and win the battle, but not to hurt Absalom! In 2 Sam 18:1-5 David said, “Don’t hurt him. Don’t hurt him”.

So, what happens? Well, the battle is fought, and Absalom is killed! What did David say?

“The king was deeply moved and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept. And thus he said as he walked, ‘O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom my son, my son!’ (2 Sam 18:33).

David was very devastated! And we may think he is crazy! This is the son he wouldn’t even talk to for five years! And remember, he stole the kingdom from David! But still now he is so brokenhearted?

From here I could see through the love/hate scene between David and Absalom, there is an unbreakable bond between a father and a son, between a mother and a daughter. It is so powerful that no negative circumstance can ever break that bond (unless they choose to)!

Many times our parents or we, don’t act from what we truly feel. We love them, but we act cold, uncaring, insensitive toward them… If that cycle is to be broken, someone has to go first! Especially if our parents are unbelievers and we are at a fortunate standing position as a believer and follower of Christ, that ‘someone’ is going to be us!

I’m so surprised to just have realized, from the Ten Commandments written in the bible, only the Fifth Commandment promises us blessings if we obey what it says —> “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well with you on the land which the Lord your God gives you”

And this is not only written in Old Testament. Paul wrote once again in Eph 6:2-3,

“Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. ‘Honor your father and mother’. This is the first of the Ten Commandments that ends with a promise. And this is the promise: If you honor your father and mother, ‘you will live a long life, full of blessings’”

 

The book that I am reading currently really helps me to define what does it really mean to honor our father and mother (“Seven Words to Change Your Family… While There’s Still Time” by James MacDonald). Honoring our parents means:

1. Choosing to place great value on your relationship with them and knocking off the attitude that ‘it doesn’t matter’. It does matter. It matters to God, and it should matter to you.

2. Taking the initiative to improve the relationship in whatever increments you can

3. Recognizing that they have done some things right. You might be thinking, My parents didn’t do anything right! Your perspective is clouded, perhaps by great pain. But they did something right. If you open your heart for this truth, God will show you.

4. Acknowledging the sacrifices they have made for you.

5. Seeing them as Christ does, with compassion and mercy.

6. Forgiving them, even as God in Christ has forgiven you.

I find these definitions as W.O.W (and super challenging!)

So I have to choose to respect and honor my parents even if I don’t feel like it, because it is God’s commandment!?

And I am the one who have to take the initiative even if they won’t receive it!?

Loving them as Christ loves me even though ‘they did a lousy job’!?

Yes, the answer is YES!!!

And point no. 3 and 4 are very true; if I am what I am today, I know God’s grace has been working through the life of my parents too, enabling them to bring me up to this point of life… I am nothing without them…

Forgive my attitude, Lord… forgive my judgmental heart, my i-know-it-all attitude, my selfishness, my unforgiveness, my always-give-me-something when I should be the one to give… Because I have known the Christ’s love… Christ’s love that compels me to love them compassionately…

I declare there is NO situation able to break the bond of this family, in Jesus’ name! I believe You are working spiritually and miraculuously!

Help me to obey Your command, Lord… And to believe in Your promises if I honor my parents… “that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth”… I don’t know exactly what these blessings means. Whether it’s health, wealth, safety, easier life, or relational favor with God; but I just have faith in God’s promises I will be very blessed if I obey what He tells me! Besides, obedience always bring blessings. The most rewarding one is, we can get so close to the heart of God the Father… <3

God bless you, your parents, and your relationships with them… :)

“Amazing” Church Retreat Aug 15-17th 2010

30 Aug

Here’s what I wrote in my Facebook note on Sunday 22nd. Those of you who don’t have Facebook or my account can still read the wonderful works of Jesus Christ in my life :)

Hello Friends ;) It’s been a while… Here’s my update since I’ve gone back to Indo :) I’ve shared to some of my friends about my first two weeks here, I told them it was wasted just because I couldn’t see God’s goodness in each day, I kept focusing on things that didn’t work according to what I wanted, I turned into a ‘Bridezilla’ (although things that made me mad not all related to the wed prep), how shame!

On my first week I was in TCT (City Church, my home church in Jkt), Tante Betty had recommended me to go to the ‘Amazing Church Retreat’ on Aug 15-17. Honestly, I wasn’t in a good heart condition at that time, I was not in a mood gathering with other believers, I was in my ‘autism mood’ due to problems I had. Approaching the days I was a bit confused in my heart, whether I should go or not. Somehow I knew if I went, I would get the deliverance I had asked, but I was not in a mood for seeking God, to be honest. I had registered my name but kept postponing paying for the registration fee, until on Friday, two days before the retreat! My fiancee had planning to go back to Jambi, and when I went with him to the travel agent, I was hesitant to purchase my ticket and go along with him. At last minute I decided I didn’t go with him, instead I paid the registration fee from the atm located nearby the travel agent. It was such a last minute decision, but Tante Betty was right, I did not regret making the decision to go!

There were many incredible speakers who went along with the retreat; we had Ps. John Mendez, Diana Frost, Riza Solihin, plus Om Djo & Tante Bet, of course. On the Sunday Aug 15 I was prophecied by Diana Frost during the Sunday Service, something that I didn’t understand and didn’t expect to hear. It was short and simple, “I see you are on a skateboard (huh?), it’s moving very fast, just enjoy the ride and you’ll laugh eventually!”. What’s the matter with a skateboard, Lord? Oh well, I received that prophecy with faith, because I know I will laugh like God has told me so!

On the second day of my retreat, we had groups divided based on gender. I chose to go with the women instead of youth (most of them was women with families aka ‘ibu2 & tante2′ but I didn’t mind, got opportunity to get extra knowledge he3). It was a heart-melting moment when Diana shared her life testimony about her marriage life! I didn’t expect a godly woman like her would ever experienced such things.

She had become God’s servant since her youth but then she made wrong decision in marrying her husband (now had passed away). He was an unbeliever, a druggist, an alcoholic, an abuser (physically, mentally, sexually). He hit her very often, he kept saying her ‘fat’, every morning he would get her to step up on scale, and if she gained weight he’d hit her! He didn’t work, Diana had a succesful career at that time at medical field and she became the backbone of the family. When they had their first son (one and only), her husband didn’t let her nurture her son, even not allowed her to nurse their baby (he said that her breasts were his!), such awful things he ever did to her! Plus, he had an affair with her bestfriend (Diana cathed them in a motel), and all he said was because she was fat!

She got it on until the tenth year, then she asked for a divorce, but it was a heartbreaking news when she heard the verdict that her son couldn’t stay with her.

It was such a long journey for her. To cut it short, her husband in the end repented! One day she was on the way picking up her son (her husband moved into her son’s house for some time). On her way to the house, God had told her that her now ex-husband would serve her, and she couldn’t believe what she heard. Her son hadn’t come home by the time she arrived, her ex-husband was the one who welcomed her. He served her food and drink, something that she hardly believed. Then he asked her one thing, “Do you know what’s the most thing I miss from you?” Diana thought in her heart, ‘oh no, not again’. Times when he was nice to her only when he wanted sex from her. But then he answered himself, “It was when you worshipping God with your beautiful voice…. Now I know that you are a good wife, that’s why you left me…” WOWW!! Truly nothing’s impossible for God and His ways are just too amazing!

It was after that session I got prayed and once again got prophecied. I asked her to pray for my marriage soon, as well as for both of our families that haven’t been saved YET. Before I could continue my words, she asked me one thing that straightaway silenced me from any doubts, “Do you believe God is able?” Of course I believe! But let my acts and life be according unto my faith! No more doubts. I kept all the next words she prayed for me, I believe God will never lie with His promise, I will wait until His words shall pass! Praise God!

Diana also shared with us another part of her life testimony, this time was to all the retreat members. She had a succesful career and very liked ‘things’. She liked good cars too. One day God told her that He would give her a mercedez, and He truly gave her one, somebody just gave it to her! BUT, then God asked her to live in that car! She had to sell all things she loved and God had warned her not to tell anyone that she was living in a car; and she was faithful, she lived in that car for two and a half years! She had to rely on prayer to get fuel, food, and place to have shower. Until one day she only had enough money either to get food or fuel, and she hadn’t showered for 3 days, and she felt so frustrated. Then Holy Spirit told her she would get a phone call from someone as soon as she heard His voice (she really thank God she didn’t have to sell her mobile phone too at that time!), and she did. Somebody invited her to come over to their house and live there. They said God wanted their home to be her home. They had prepared a nice room and asked her to take a shower. After 2.5 years, she finally could sleep on a bed! She told us this experience in tears, and this really moved my heart.

She never give thanked to God for a bed or shower, but now she did! She said, when you have to pray for your provision everyday, you will have a thanksgiving heart inevitably. The more you will give thanks for God’s favor, the more you can see and appreciate each of His blessings! God is rich and never lack of anything, and so His children are also! But, do you realize that you are actually rich? Not because of worldly material, but because God’s favor is simply upon us, everything will work for our good! It is time to use money to help and love people, not loving money and use people! Have a ‘crazy faith’ in God! Crazy faith equals to incredible favour from God! Faith is what it counts! Believe that we have God’s favour in our family, workplace, uni, relationships with people, and most importantly – relationship with God!

Ps. Mendez also talked a lot about faith. He reminded us that God’s promises may be interrupted, but our God is faithful to bring it to the end! God is still in control above the interruption! Message from Ps. Riza Solihin was also sharp like a sword to my heart, mind, and soul. He shared his life testimony of his marriage life too, how he once was an abuser to his wife. He would kick, hit, and slap his wife if he got angry. Then one day his daughter (from his wife’s previous marriage) went out when he was hitting her mother and asked him to stop. She was only a little kid at that time, but then she laid hand on him to stop and believe in Jesus! Such a bravery for a little kid, such a great faith she had! From then on Riza wanted his life to be changed, and Jesus has done so!

One statement that I remember he said, “Don’t build success outside your family and marriage life!” Where we live -our family- is the crucial foundation, more important above our workplace and social life. What use if one had a reputation in his social life but had a messy family? What use if one received many awards and high salary from his work but none of his family members be proud of him?

This was a very sharp warning for me, because before I went to this retreat, I had an awful time with my parents especially with my mom. I couldn’t accept her weaknesses, I couldn’t be more understanding, I couldn’t bear fruits of Spirit! I see that fruits of flesh were very apparent within those two weeks, things like hostility, quarrelling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, divisions, feeling that everyone is wrong (Gal 5:20, NLT), surely I wasn’t proud of myself!

If I kept facing conflict and problems in same way like before I knew Christ, how could she be able to see that Christ lives within me now?

If I had to build my ministry well, it wasn’t started in church or in social community, but first of all in my family! This is what I am called to do at the present!

These are the main messages I received from the retreat, thanks for paying attention up to this point :P

I prayed to God before I came home, for the change to start in my heart and spirit first; I long to have an active faith (and the speakers especially Diana Frost has inspired me so much!). Start proclaiming God’s promises out loud! This isn’t the time anymore to pray silently and ask quietly in doubt for His promises! Faith comes from hearing, start praying with boldness and confidence! Abide in Him everyday, and He will give us anything we ask in His name (John 15:7).

Jesus is coming soon, we really have to let Holy Spirit moves through and within us, to carry out His kingdom to be on earth!  

I am very joyful to receive God’s many new revelations, but even with greater revelation comes greater responsibility (not only for Spiderman! :P ). I have a greater responsibility to walk based on that revelation, to be the doer of God’s words. Not by my own might or power, but by the Spirit of the Lord I am able to conquer doubt, laziness in pursuing God and in maintaining my spiritual disciplines, weak faith, and other hindrances from devil! 

And the same Spirit of God is also within everyone of you. God bless you all :)

 xxxx

with Ps. John Mendez from California :)

With Ps. Diana Frost, an Incredible Woman of God :)

Don’t Waste Your Life

13 Aug

Out of the blue last night I suddenly realized how much I have missed during my first two weeks in Jakarta by focusing only on things I don’t have and complaining about things I’m lack of at an ‘extremely high level’ everyday! I feel so ashamed of myself! I feel so stupid by acting like a child when I’m supposed to act and think like a mature Christian! Where have all the knowledge I’ve received about God’s words in Bible  gone to?!

Many blessings I have missed lately just because I didn’t see them as blessings from God!

Yes, my parents may not be able to give full support or be there when I need them, but most importantly, they give full support for my marriage! They give freedom for me to choose what I see as the best man from God, they didn’t enforce me which man I should choose to be my life partner!

It’s very weird how this truth came up to my mind only last night!

It seems God has started to answer my prayer, He’s giving me that ‘day of revelation’ I’ve been waiting for!

I don’t want to waste my life by complaining and always feeling lack of something, I want to be content!

If I’ve known my dad and mom have their own weaknesses, why don’t I learn to accept their weaknesses and embrace them with God’s love instead of complaining, hating them, and wishing them to change?! It turns out it is me who need A LOT of ‘improvements & renovations’!!! 

God please forgive me… I want to keep moving forward, I don’t want these imperfect people and situations to hinder my ways in fulfilling Your best plan in my life at the moment!

Lord, please take me back to Your wonderful loving arms… Please bring me back to the love of Father…

Thank You for opening my eyes, God… I am ashamed of myself, but I don’t mind to be ashamed by the truth that will set me free!

Humble me, O God… Humble me to see that everyone deserves Your love, and I am here to be the channel of Your love…

Forgive me for chasing things that don’t last eternally… Forgive me for toiling only for winds that will soon disappear! Forgive me when one thing I should seek is only Your presence daily in my life!

You give me wings to soar high...

“The one thing I ask of the Lord – the thing I seek most-

is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord’s perfections and meditating in His Temple.

For He will conceal me there when the troubles come;

He will hide me in His sanctuary. He will place me out of reach on a high rock.

Then I will hold my head high, above my enemies who surround me. (v.4-6)

Listen to my pleading, O Lord, be merciful and answer me!

My heart has heard You say, “Come and talk with Me”

and my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming”

Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me, O God of my salvation! (v.7-9b)

Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close”

Time to be Not Normal

6 Aug

Time to be crazy? Nooo.. That’s not what I mean :P

These days I’m very busy with the wedding preparation. I’m so inexperience (my bridesmaid-to-be, my lovely cousin, is even smarter and have more knowledge in organizing a wedding!), I’m so fortunate to have her as my bridesmaid :)

I’ve done some mistakes in making decisions for some elements of the wedding, and I really regret these. Other things, I’m just enjoying all new things I’ve just found out in preparing a wedding.

Many times I get disappointed because I feel I don’t get appropriate help in time of need from my parents, I think I have to start accepting the reality and stop wanting them to change. It’s time for my heart to change first!

I can see many times I also did mistakes to my parents esp my mom. I already judged her with many perceptions (some of those may be wrong) so I cannot see her as ‘her’. I ask forgiveness from God for not giving my mom respect she’s entitled for.

If I easily get angered when my mom gives me critics (which she does it very often toward me) and perceive this unconciously as my ‘normal habit’, it’s time to change my perception – time to be not normal!

I’ve just realized as I’m writing this, many times what we think as ‘normal habit’ is our flesh!
Eg. Get easily angry, annoyed, when people say something that offense us or in contradiction with our opinions, resisting not to change things that people think is bad (and you know it too it’s not good for you) with reason “well, it’s me! I was born with this, I can’t change, this is just my habit”

I am a new creation in Christ when I was born again in Him, but many times I forget this truth. I thought the old me is ‘me’, but it’s not anymore… Now Christ lives in me, and I have to let Him increase and ‘the old me’ to decrease.

It is very hard for me to stay smiling when my mom criticize me (esp when I know I know better in things she’s saying), it is hard to face every critics she said with a grateful heart. But I’m willing to change..

I’m willing to be not normal if that abnormal is what’s in Christ’s characters!

Lord, I don’t know how I can change, I know I have to ‘let Your Spirit work within me’, but in practical I still don’t know how it applies..
Help me, Lord.. I want to be respectful toward my mom and my parents even though they are not perfect, I want to have a loving and caring heart, a heart that full with compassions as Yours..

Help me to be not me, God… Help me to be You…

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother :)

23 Jul

Spending my half morning searching for casual/part time jobs through SEEK… for some looking for jobs can be a stressful thing to do, including me..hehe… the thought of applying, checking over and over again your resume & cover letter, getting interviewed (!) etc etc, and to actually do it, wewwww…!!! Although in my life til now I’ve experienced more or less 10 different jobs, everytime I face the cycle it still pumps up my heartbeats and most often, in a so not comfortable way… ukhhh…

Yet I want to give thanks to my Lord… Although I am still looking for jobs, I am lack of nothing… He provides me a nice place to leave in, sufficient foods, all my needs He provide!… Thanks God… :)

 

This morning I also realized that God is in particular teaching me this:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit,

but in humility consider others better than yourselves” – Philippians 2:3

He is using this one single person particularly to teach me a humble and serving heart… who else than my brother that currently is together with me in Melb! For over two weeks doing these “housewifes chores” (and still going to continue to December at least! huehehehe..), I have to admit not all I did it with a cheerful heart… >.<

At some times I expected a little bit help from him (as simple as washing the dishes, filling up the drink water) yet he didn’t… Some other times I didn’t like he was being rude (either to me or his comments towards others)… Another time I complained in my heart why he couldn’t be more self independent (some of his actions and thoughts are still childish)… But well… He is my brother! I have this greater bond with him-we are family, and I know God is doing something in my heart as well as in his, so I do not want to put all blame in him. I admit sometimes I am also impatience… huhuhu.. forgive me Lord…

This morning as I sat ‘whining’ to God about him, He opened my eyes to other brighter side… Jesus’ point of view…

 

The more I complained, the  more I realized how much I should give thanks to my mom and my Lord…!

How often I didn’t realize I did the same thing to my mom (not giving her hand whenever she was in need, replying her comment or advice in a strong tone of voice-this meant acting rude towards her too-those are even still few to mention!)…

And also, how often I didn’t or forget to say thanks to my God for His goodness and for what He’s done to me, when on the other side I often expect my brother to at least say thanks for food I’ve prepared or on things I have helped him…

Not a good attitude of heart eh… :(

So, the more I complained, the more I was ashamed to myself…!

 

I thank God for He “does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our inquities” (Psalm 103:10)… and I also thank my mom for she’s been a wonderful, faithful, and loving mother to all of her children…! Hiks… Now I feel wanna cry…. :’(

Thank You so much Lord, for You have loved me just like Your own Son, therefore You allow this thing to process the purity of my heart…

Thank You for You have prepared me from now on to be a wonderful, loving, and faithful mother for my future- a mother who loves her children with all her heart, a wife who serves and loves her husband just like she loves her own, do anything for her family without any selfish ambition… You want me to serve, Lord, not to be served… When You serve, You never think of Your own benefits… You never expect something in return… How wonderful Your love is to me, Lord… You are my perfect role model, Jesus :)

Thank You for this wonderful lesson, God.. Enable me to serve and love my brother with all my heart, with a cheerful, giving, humble heart…

Me & my lil Bro who's not so little anymore... :P - Taken in China, Oct 2008

Me & my lil Bro who's not so little anymore... :P - Taken in China, Oct 2008

In the end, thank u baby, through u God’s shaping my character. I know God’s been preparing a wonderful plan and future for u too in Melbourne. I wanna be a wonderful sister for u, one who u can rely on… xxxx :)

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