“I am a Slow Learner”

During my various part time works in hospitality industry, I can say I’m a pretty quick learner. I learnt using the coffee machine and cash register pretty fast when I was working at Michel’s and Coffee HQ (that was three years ago!). However, in my spiritual growth in Christ, I’ve just realized today that I am a very slow learner! Seriously. Only God alone who is so incredibly patient enduring all my (mostly same) mistakes!

I yield for a taste of victory, I yearn for a taste of freedom from all of my shortcomings. In the past month I  have been facing difficulties in many areas – in relationship, friendship, even in my ministry in praise & worship team at church. All the difficulties indeed have one single purpose: to shape my character to be more into the likeness of Jesus, and how it is so hard for me to endure the process!

I failed many times at the same area and this distressed me.

Yet everytime I always gain my hope in Christ alone. He, creatively, can use any ways to comfort, strengthen, renew my hope. That’s simply amazing.

He gives me a new heart...

One of those many ways is through a video I watched from YouTube, a sermon by Joseph Prince titled “The Importance of Fellowship Under the New Covenant”. I was taken aback when he discussed the same verse I received last Sunday (that I’d soon forgotten in the midst of my trials) – Ezekiel 36:26-27

I know I’ve discussed this at one of my previous entries yet as I said, I am a slow learner, I need to redig over and over the well of God’s Words to keep the flow of the Living Water overflowing my heart! So, these are the verses:

Ezekiel 36:26-27

“The Lord says, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you,

I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you the heart of flesh.

And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws”

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you…”

When I was born again in Jesus Christ, that new heart has been in me! I have been a new creation, the old has gone! (2 Cor 5:17). That is the reason why I am so depressed when I know I have sinned against the Lord even over sensitive issues that ‘the old me’ wouldn’t even realize it was a sin, because now that new heart is telling me what’s in God’s heart! God has adopted me as His daughter (Ephesians 1:4). If I hadn’t have a new heart, I won’t feel depressed and sad over sins, and that means I’d still live under the bondage of sin! 

But that holy discontentment is a sign that I have had a new heart, God Himself gave it to me when I was born again in Him. Praise God for this truth!

“I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees…”

Not only He has given me a new heart (not ‘He has changed’, He’s given me a completely new heart!), He also put His Spirit to dwell in my body, here, in my mortal body! The God of universe, put His being in me! So I know that greater is He who’s living in me than anyone’s living on this earth!

His Spirit will move me to follow His desires. Not “I” move myself to follow Him, but by His Spirit!

I simply have to follow the way He moves!

The sad feeling of making mistakes is not always a bad sign, it can be a good sign when you realize it is an indicator that you are truly changed in Christ! Sad is different with ‘feeling condemned’. Condemnation always and only comes from the devil to separate ourselves from the love of Christ. The devil knows nothing can ever separate us from God’s love (Romans 8:35, 39) so he tries to ‘persuade’ us to separate ourselves from His love (God cannot force our own free will, free will is a gift that God gave when He first created human – the most loved creature; Jesus didn’t die for animals or angels, He died for HUMAN, ALL human…).

 

I rejoice over this truth indeed. I am a slow learner, after I gain this truth I may (or will, to be exact) make another failure and mistake yet I know Jesus is a very patient Teacher.

He is the most loving Person ever lived in this earth. He is my High Priest, He knows my every single weaknesses. Nothing I can hide from Him. And I am not ashamed to say, “This is me Lord. You know me the best. You search to the deepest of my heart and my thoughts. Nothing I can hide from You.”

That what makes Jesus the most loving Friend I can ever have. A faithful friend who doesn’t compare me to anyone else, He loves and appreciates me just the way I am…

Lord Jesus, Thank You for a new heart and for Your Spirit who dwells in me. May Your works be more apparent in my life, God. May everyday I can see that truly You are real, You are here just beside me through my happy and sad times. Continue to change my life to be Your living testimony.

Thank You for ever bringing me to this world, Lord. To taste the goodness of living under Your abundant love.

Love You Jesus…

“Why Me, Lord?”

This morning I and my bf pick up my dad and my brother from airport. My brother is taking his summer classes while my dad is holidaying (again) in Melb I am so excited when my brother gives me ‘tons’ of presents from my lovely mom in Indo! Before I made a list of things that I wanted her to buy for me from Indo (much cheaper and in certain area of product category Indo is more ‘innovative’ eg. BB casing for Javeline -couldn’t find one in Melb!- hahaha…) and she did buy all for me! She even bought me other things that I did not ask but surely I am more than happy to receive it!

Then an hour later all of sudden Holy Spirit reminded me of my friend’s status update in FB that I read days ago, it was about how people often ask “why me, God?” when they are faced with trials and difficulties but rarely ask the same question when they are blessed beyond their expectations.

I feel so blessed by how my mom has been so nice to me buying me a lot of presents and also how my dad has supported me in many ways.  Then my mind thinks, there are a lot of people out there who may not be able to enjoy the same privilege like I do. They may even have lost their parents. And although my family and my parent’s relationship is far away than perfect, they are still together. They don’t get divorced and not throwing things to each other everyday. I’m saying these things not to take any advantages or try to make myself feels better than others who may have to endure those life situations, I’m saying these things because I realize how a selfish person I am amd how I have to be content for everything I have in my life at this stage! When I am enjoying God’s blessings why don’t I ask God “why me, Lord?”… I am so undeserved! Truly I have received all by His grace and by His favor only!

Just last night I ‘complained’ several things to God while writing in my journal then I prayed for God to change me, for giving me love, understanding, and patience to live happily with my ‘unmet expectations’ and be content. Then the next morning His Spirit revealed me this, praise God!

 

I also find hope in God’s word I receive from my pastor today. God able to change my heart! What seems extremely very hard for me to have a changed heart (impossible) is possible for God! God is not giving me good advice to change my behavior (I used to read one best-seller self-help book titled “The Giant Within” before I came to know Jesus personally and the more I read and tried to apply it in my life, the more I realize how I was even more far from a giant if I stood by my own strength!). In fact, God is giving me promise that He can change my heart, the root of all my behaviors!

An advice and a promise is so much different not only in words, meaning, but also in its context of use! Advice means “you must do something in order to be/ to get another thing”. Promise means you simply receive it! You do not need to do anything else, just believe in the promiser!

And God has promised in Yehezkiel 36:26, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh”. Notice that God does all the works in this verse!

I rejoice in this great truth so much, it truly lifts up my burden.

He promises me to get into the root (my heart) and fix it from the inside!

I know I have a lot to learn about contentment, living in grace, endurance, patience, love, and soooo many other thingssss! But just as a good father leads his son in doing his homework, he will guide me through all the process in ‘finding the correct answer to that tough Math question’. The father will not give all the answers straightaway to him (he will make his own son stupid if he did that because no exercise for his son’s brain), but this smart and good father will lead his son to discover together the right answer for that tough questions!

 

I am rest secured knowing that God does not leave me in tough situations and does not leave me to struggle alone in any dilemmas — He is always there through my happy and sad times. God is Emmanuel, He is always with me teaching me and changing my heart to be more like His.

Well I guess that’d be it my sharing for now…

 

GBU all

“Let’s Do This Together”

This quote has been ringin over and over lately… “sin separates us from God, yet struggling with it brings us closer to God“… I’m pretty sure I’ve never read it somewhere else… it feels as if Holy Spirit Himself gave this quote in my heart… as if He’s saying, struggling with sin is a part of my Christian life… it is ‘normal’… it wasn’t normal when I was still the old-me because I didn’t have that sensitive heart and ear to know and listen to what God wanted… but now, when my body is the temple of His Spirit, I feel I have that “inbuilt capacity” to discern what is sin and what is not…

Do I give thanks for that? Yes, of course. I wonder there were some things I did in the past that I didn’t even feel guilty over it but now, when I am faced with similar situations, the alarm keeps ringing, keeps alerting me, “DANGER!!!”. The alarm saves me. The alarm is His Spirit’s voice. Yet some other times I feel very burdened by the voice. I feel burdened to obey it, I feel even more burdened and devastated if I fail to obey it… I can say that I am burdened not because of the voice, but because of the fact that some times I am struggling to walk in synchrony with it… “It’s me, not Him”… He’s all perfect, He is God.. and I am so imperfect… so many times I have failed…

And now as I am writing this, I realize that I’ve been focusing too much on myself… on my performance… and I realize God gives that voice (that is the voice of Himself) not to act as a burden for me… it is to help me…. for His Holy Spirit is my Helper…

John 16:13

“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come”.

John 14:26

“But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you”.

I just need to walk hand in hand with Him… I am not walking alone when I am struggling with sin… I am not walking alone when I am struggling to be what He wants me to be… I have Him, Holy Spirit, the closest Person to my own heart… He knows everything… He knows my every thoughts…

God, please help me to keep my eyes on You… I need You to be right… I can’t walk by my own…

Who knows that this only brings me closer to Him? Just as the quote that He put in my heart…

And He says, “Don’t worry my child. I am with you at all times, you are not alone. Let’s do this together, just hold My hands and keep your eyes to My steps“

 

PS: I find this entry from one’s blog is very insightful to this specific topic of “struggling with sin”: http://paulsponderings.blogspot.com/2006/09/struggling-against-sin.html

“Panggilan Tuhan”

Hoaaaa… ternyata terakhir kali nulis di blog ini udah April!! Busettt.. udah lama bangettt >.< time fliesssss…!!
Excited sih udah masuk June, "semester pertama" 2009 udah lewat (critanya msh jaman kuliahan hehehe)… I believe God is preparing something bigger for the rest of the year! Semester ke-2 nilainya pasti akan lebih baik lg dr yg pertama! (nilai kehidupan yg bisa aku peroleh dan belajar mksdnya.. ciehhh ).. aminnn…

Bbrp hari ini Tuhan lagi sering ngomong soal janji Tuhan dan penggenapannya nih… Dibilang suruh tunggu “the appointed time”, His time, His Kairos… Ternyata Tuhan ingetin aku spy aku ga lupa sama janjinya Tuhan… n aku bersyukur banget, Tuhan yg mau kasih kado kok jd Dia yg ingetin aku supaya ‘nagih’ kadonya ke Dia… hehehe…
Sebenernya ada 3 hal sih yg paling banyak mengkonsumsi pikiran aku… 2 hal pertama dirahasiakan aja yah huehehe… yg ke-3 ini berhubungan sama keinginan aku utk mengetahui panggilan hidup aku yg seutuhnya dan menjalaninya…

Tau kan kalian, kl semua org jg ingin hidupnya berguna… Nah baru2 ini aku juga dpt conviction lg kl tujuan hidup aku itu intinya cuma satu: memuliakan nama Tuhan, to glorify His name, to give my life as a living sacrifice for Jesus Christ, the Lord… Kalo pun aku sukses jd wanita karir, kaya raya, berhasil, kalo semua itu bukan ditujukan utk kemuliaan Tuhan, maka sama aja hidup aku ga bakal berasa ‘pas’… pasti msh trs ada yg kurang… krn inner satisfaction dlm hati aku itu hrs dipenuhi, n I believe it is God…
Dia yg udah ciptaiin aku dgn tujuan menyenangkan hatiNya…

Sama kalo misalnya aku membuat suatu karya yg bagus, misalnya aja sebuah lukisan… Selama proses pembuatannya aku enjoy, pas udah jadi pun aku sangat menikmati looking at the painting at all time whenever possible, krn aku tau I’m the one who paint it, I am the creator…
Sama juga sama Tuhan yg udah ciptaiin aku pun begitu, He delights in me, and that is truth yg sangat berharga, ga semua org bisa yakin Tuhan itu delight in them… n ini butuh hati yg terbuka dan kasih Tuhan ijin buat berkerja dlm hati mrk itu utk mrk juga bisa dpt conviction yg sama dlm hati mrk…

Nah, stlh Tuhan ingetin lagi tujuan utama hidup aku itu utk menyenangkan Dia (above all my personal ambitions), tentu aku pengen tau dalam hal khusus spt apa aku bisa menyenangkan Dia, apa panggilan hidup aku sebenarnya… and I tell you, this is a process yg bs exciting, bs juga jd bikin stress sendiri kl ga bener cara nanganinnya (berdasarkan pengalaman hehe…)

Stlh malam ini aku hbs baca bukunya Iin Tjipto “Panggilan Tuhan” yg br aku beli di seminarnya Yusak Tjipto di Balai Samudera Kelapa Gading tadi, aku ngerti bbrp hal:

1. Panggilan itu beda sama perkerjaan.

Org yg menganggap sesuatu yg dia kerjakan sebagai panggilan Tuhan, dia bakal ngerjain itu dgn sukacita dan sukarela. Instead of expecting dibayar, mrk yg justru bayar harga spy bisa memenuhi panggilan itu…
Jd misalnya kalo di gereja aku skrg pelayanan jd singer, kl aku menganggap itu sebagai perkerjaan aku, aku bakal nuntut acknowledgment, praise, atau ‘bayaran’ lainnya utk satifsy my own self. Tp kl aku ngerti itu panggilan Tuhan, aku justru yg akan dgn senang hati memberikan diriku semasa aku bisa memberkati org lain lwt hal yg aku bisa lakukan ini, yg sbnrnya juga kemampuannya diksh dari Tuhan sebagai semata-mata kasih karunia…

2. Org yg tdk menemukan panggilannya akan selalu membandingkan dirinya dgn org lain

Dia ga akan merasa puas kalo liat org lain kok kerjaanya begitu sdgkan aku cuma begini, dan berbagai macam keluhan lainnya. Nah dlm hal ini juga nih aku ditegur. Seringkali aku ngerasa aku ini agak-agak ga berguna hanya krn liat org lain kok lbh sukses n keliatannya lbh dipake sama Tuhan lewat kesaksian hidup yg bisa dia bagi mengenai kesuksesannya itu… Malam ini aku ditegur dan diajar, aku memiliki suatu panggilan yg khusus, yg unik dari Tuhan, dan bukan aku yg mengaturnya, tapi Tuhan.
Dengan banding2in sama org lain aku bs kehilangan fokus, kehilangan sukacita, bahkan kehilangan panggilan Tuhan yg udah secara khusus Tuhan ksh buat aku… bahaya loh kl sikap hati kaya gini ga dgn cepat aku rubah.. Makanya makasih banget buat Tuhan udah ingetin aku lewat bukunya Iin Tjipto mlm ini…

3. Org yg ga menerima panggilan ato ga mengenali panggilan Tuhan buat diri mrk, cenderung menghakimi org lain.
Alasannya? Mrk terlalu kebanyakkan waktu alias menganggur. Krn ga berusaha utk mengenal panggilan dlm hidup mrk, mrk jdnya sibuk melihat ke luar, ke mana aja deh pokoknya asal bukan liat ke dalam diri sendiri.

Ini 3 lessons di antara sekian banyaknya aku belajar mlm ini lwt buku yg aku baca…
Ini jg mepet banget sih sbnrnya udah mau tidur, tp pengen banget pikiranku dituang ke dlm bentuk tulisan, jdnya mlm2 pun yaudah deh online aja.. tdnya bahkan mau update dr BB aja tanpa hrs repot2 nyalaiin laptop, tp ternyata susah bo haha..

Hmmm.. sekian dl deh… bsk disambung lg crita2nya

God bless you all!