“A Month Before Going Back to Indo”

Today I work in compiling my blog entries again after it got postponed for many months due to I got busy in setting up my business as well as decreasing motivation (my bad). During the hours doing it, I got amazed again by God’s faithfulness troughout the years, especially during my hardest year in 2007. This is one of reasons I have to finish writing and compiling this book because I really have to share God’s goodness to others! O Lord, please give me Your passion for the souls and in writing, finishing what I have started…

Yesterday I also read again my earliest journal that I wrote back in the month of September last year. I was still very confused whether I should go back for good to Indo (on December at that time). I felt heavy to let go what I have possessed here in Melbourne. The apartment, the comfort of my boyfriend’s car and secure job, the church and friends. My life in Melbourne has become my comfort zone, and soon it is time for God to, once again, ask me to leave that zone…

I’ll be going back to Indo next month, this time together with my fiancee (yes, we have been “officialy” engaged on May 8th 2010, praise the Lord! ).

I wrote back in September, although a part of me missing Indo and felt God has another purpose for me there, I felt heavy to let go what I have had here, the comfortable life. I said to God, if He did want me to go back to Indo, He must have provided a greater purpose so I would dare to say “Yes” in leaving my comfortable life behind in Melbourne.

When it became clearer that we’ll be going back next month (through natural process and reasons, no supernatural vision or voice that told me to go back on July 29 2010), I only asked God His presence will always go with us, just like what Moses asked God in Exodus 33. There is nothing to fear as long as the Lord is with me.

Then I felt sad when Adi finally sold his car two weeks ago, I almost cried. Not because now I have to take trams and trains (just like I used to for years when I was still single), but because of all the memories we had with the car. We had our fights in it, tears, but mostly joy and laugh that we shared either together or with our friends at the backseat. Why am I so attached? It’s only a car, right?! Well, I don’t know… Maybe I’m just too melancholic.

And today is also Adi’s last day at his workplace. I felt sad this afternoon. He had been working there for the last three years. Why was I sad? It wasn’t even my job. It wasn’t my own car.

Could it be because of the ‘losing’ feeling…?

However, I understand in order to pursue God’s purpose and fulfillment of His plan in our live, we have to forgo some things in order to walk align with His will. It isn’t a scarifice, it is a way to reach the fulfillment of His plan. A way to receive God’s even greater plan and blessings.

I am excited to start a new journey again in Indo. We still don’t know what we should do, which job we have to apply, what kind of business we want to set up and how. Yet looking back what God has done in my life, I know He has prepared a way.

The same question was also in my mind when I went back to Indo in 2008, God provided me a job as a copywriter in a good company. The dream that I have had for years, God made it true this year – having my own business, in Melbourne.

What is impossible for Him? Nothing.

I just question myself, when everything has settled in Indo and we have felt comfortable once again, will God ask us again to go somewhere (back to Melbourne)? Or giving us ‘new task’ in Indo or even other country? We don’t know.

I just believe that wherever God sends us, His provision never fails. Whatever task He asks us to do, His grace never fails.

Right now I just want to focus on wanting to know more of Him, the real Jesus Christ. No worries or fear. I believe God will take care of my outer needs.

Thank You Lord, I can’t wait for Winter Camp tomorrow!  I’ve prayed I don’t want any emotional play, I just want Him! I just want to grab and experience the reality of Him! Things that will have an everlasting impact, a life-changing one, not a magical one day of change only, but to add the beauty of my walk with Jesus for years and years to come!

“Papi Di Surga”

Yipiii! Finally I can download WordPress application to my BB! This is the first trial Now I can update my blog more often anywhere anytime (as long as my BB is with me, I loveeee BB! Thanks Dad in Heaven for giving me this through my mom )

Well, I’ve been lifted up HIGH since last Sunday! Amazing thing has happened! On Sunday when KD preached his sermon about “The Encouragement, Assurance & Foundation of Prayer” taken from Matthew 7:7-11, I had been crying since the first 15 minutes of his preaching n’ that’s all way through the end (I managed to keep it as quiet as I could!) It was all because he mentioned some sentences that straightaway touched my heart… About a father & child relationship in a family…

The right understanding about God the Father really serves as our foundation in prayer. And the key is in verse 11, “How much more our Father in Heaven will give good gifts for those who asks”

Key 1. “Our Father in Heaven”
- God wants us to see Him as our Father! God wants to have a close relationship with us. The more we communicate with God (that’s what prayer is), the closer we are. KD said ‘communication reflects the closeness of a relationship’. This is where then I started to cry. My disappointment over my dad overwhelmed my heart… And I guess through what had happened these last two days, I realize my disappointment over my earhtly father has clouded the true & perfect image of God as my Father in heaven… I need God to correct my understanding for sure…

Key 2. “How Much More”
- In this verse Jesus referred a good father who knows how to give good gifts to his children as ‘evil’. This is not a message of condemnation, but it has a meaning that no matter how good our earthly father is, they are nothing compared to the goodness of our Heavenly Father! Our earthly father is still human, sinful in nature. If they know how to give good gifts to his children, HOW MUCH MORE the incorruptible Father God in heaven!

Key 3. “Good Gifts”
- When God doesn’t give us what we want, when He says NO, the problem is not in giving, but in asking (the truth that God has given His only Son to die for us has shown He has not a problem in giving freely what’s good for our eternal life!). A Father will never give bad gifts, but a child may ask bad requests! (Will you give a knife to your child when he/she desperately crying asking to play with it? Of course not!)

- We have to learn not only about God’s love but also God’s WISDOM. He has His divine reason when He says NO to us. God created this world including every human’s life with His words & wisdom, do you think He doesn’t know what’s best for you? (Yet we, including me, often feel hard to surrender because unconciously we have already thought we have better knowledge of how to take care of our own life!)
We try to put God in our uniform, in our worldy & limited definition of love, that is only when the other person gives us what we ask. When they don’t grant it, we claim they don’t love or care for us.
But with every God’s no, there’s a hidden amazing love of God only with eyes of faith we can see!

Key 4. “Those Who Asks”
- Simple, ask whatever you need or want! Yet when God says No or Wait, accept it with a trusting heart that He knows what’s best for us!

All these points I wrote overwhelmed my heart!

Especially with the part that God wants to lift up my sadness & disappointment over my dad and replace it with joy of fixing my eyes to an even greater FATHER – my GOD!!!
N’ thanks to Jesus because of Him and His cross I deserve to call the Almighty God as my DAD! (John 14:6 “I am the way, the truth, & the life. NO ONE comes to the Father EXCEPT through Me”)

The thing is, I’m having many problems, challenges, burdens, dilemmas nowadays, but I never expect God would start His restoration by getting my HEART right first with my earthly father!!!
Also yesterday in Monday’s Prayer Meeting, I was so blessed by God’s deliverance & comfort!!!
After I dismissed twice invitations for my need to be prayed by others (in workers prayer meeting last month & last week’s prayer meeting), yesterday I finally stood up and accepted the invitation.
I said to God this is my act of faith that I believe prayer will set me free!!!
Before then I thought I still could endure the burden by myself, I didn’t want other people to ‘get busy praying for me’. But after suffering for so long I couldn’t stand it, I stood up in front of God calling His name for deliverance & breakthrough over my life! I abandoned my pride and shouted out to God, I NEED YOU LORD, please deliver me!!!

I really thank God for Ci Lyd & Ellen who prayed for me last night. I couldn’t remember all they said but I was definitely sure all words they prayed was a silent cry of my heart after all these times! And when KD prayed for me he only said simple words, “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief! You are my Father!!!” yet that’s what’s been in my heart since the day before! The same prayer “Lord I believe, help my unbelief!”

Last night I received something new! I can call God as “Papi di Surga”!
I call my earthly father ‘Papi’ and I’ve never be able to call God the same! I felt I couldn’t be able to relate to God with that kind of ‘bond’ & intimacy! Yet last night suddenly I couldn’t stop calling God with that name! And when I prayed I really enjoy the intimacy calling Him ‘Pa’!
All of sudden when I pray I begin to understand I ask and tell things just like to my own Father! I can relate better with God from this renewed perspective!

My earthly father is rarely available to hear my thoughts, dreams, plans – but with this Dad, with this Papi, I can tell ALL things I want anywhere anytime! No need to wait for response (and be left in disappointment when I receive nothing), this Papi is very close to me, as near as a simple prayer!

I also realize, or ‘suspect’ if I may say, that over all problems He choose to get this right first (not necessarily the situation, but to get right firstly MY HEART), because He know how the freedom over this matter will really equip me in my future life (in my marriage as well as in my own family life later). It doesn’t feel comfortable now, but it will do so much good later, and when I reflect back I am 100% sure that I will still say God is so good to me!!!

God has answered my prayer on Sunday too! I prayed in tears, may my disappointment toward my earthly father will only draw me closer to my Heavenly Father, and through Him I gain His perfect love to love my earthly father perfectly…

Thank You so much Papi di surga… Aku mau tidur dulu skrg… I love You so much Pap!!!

“Satisfaction in Sharing My Heart with God”

I never thought talking with God would be this exciting! For such a long time I didn’t feel the same way I did yesterday

"This is My heart... I share it to you because I love you... Do the same to Me"

 when I shared my heart with Him. It may be always exciting especially during my first years in following Christ with my first love but then I’ve become forgetful of how exciting it was after so many distractions came upon my life in my later walk with Him!

I felt disappointed yesterday due to one thing, and like always, I wanted to straightaway share it with my bf. But then I stopped before the words even came out. I’m sure he’d definitely listen as always, yet I felt he still couldn’t understand the depth of my disappointment… So I chose to be just silent. Then there in my heart was saying, “There are certain times when only You, Lord, able to understand the depth of my heart. There are certain times when I have to be satisfied to share it with You only, not to anyone else...” YET I still felt dissatisfied to only share it with God about my disappointment yesterday! How I wish my bf could understand, or even ‘the subject’ who have made me disappointed could know and understandd how I was disappointed!

Then I heard a small voice asked me in my heart, “What is it really that have made you disappointed? Tell Me, I’m listening“

Hearing that question from the Holy Spirit prompting me to share it with Him, I couldn’t stand to ignore Him. To my amaze, just seconds after I started sharing it with Him, He revealed the deepest motive in my heart that had caused me to be disappointed toward this person!

That is, I so much wanted acknowledgement from him for what I’ve done (ok, the person is my father…) yet I didn’t get it from him!

After His Spirit revealed it to me the true reason, I started to think again… “Why would I want to be acknowledged by men (including by my own dad) when my focus should always be pleasing God instead of men? Why would I want to gain any praise from men, when the highest and eternal joy I can get is only from Him when later He’ll say to me ‘Well done my faithful servant’ – all other praise from men is temporary?”

Realizing this my focus was shifted from my disappointment to a reminder not to seek acknowledgement from men…

What made this conversation with God interesting is, I didn’t expect Him to reveal my deepest feeling that I myself didn’t even know! Very rare human can do this (even though my bf often gives me advice whenever I’m feeling sad or disappointed because of something/someone)

Then suddenly I feel this satisfaction in sharing my heart with Him! This is new for me (or like I said at above, I might have felt this satisfaction during my early walk with God but then I neglected it because I was prone to find satisfaction in sharing my heart with men instead!)

I continue to pray for God to give me the inner satisfation everytime I share my heart with Him! Thank You Lord for this revelation Forgive me if I have neglected our quality chat, bring me closer to Your Holy Spirit once again, Lord. Satisfy me with You only, Lord!

“God always want us to be honest with Him. He already know all that is happening inside us, but we will experience His love more deeply when we share our heart with Him”

“Top 50 Questions in Life”

While I’m trying to arrange my sermon for the mission trip (NEXT WEEK!!! OMGGGGG!), “isenk2″ I googled and found this interesting article submitted in a threat on July 2009 “Top 50 Questions”:

1. What is the meaning of life?

2. Is there a God, a Creator of the world?

3. If there is a God, does He care for and govern the world or has He left it to fend for itself?

4. What is truth?

5. Are their absolutes, good and evil, right and wrong?

6. If there is truth, where is it?  The Bible, evolution, the Koran?

7. Are the resources of our world, food, oil, electricity meant for our use or is our use of them an invasion of the natural order?

8. If food is not meant for consumption, why is it so perfect for this purpose?

9. Is death the penalty for sin or the natural end of life?

10. Is there life after death?

11. Is there a Heaven and Hell?

12. If there is a Heaven and Hell how do we gain one and avoid the other?

13. Is there one way to Heaven or many?

14. Will we get to Heaven by good deeds or God’s grace?

15. What is the world’s greatest problem?

16. How can we solve that problem?

17. What is the place of Human Beings in our cosmos?

18. Do we have significance in the Universe?

19. Are we more important than animals?

20. If we are not more important than animals, is eating human flesh, say killed in an auto crash, permissible?

21. Is human life sacred because created in God’s image or do we have a utility of life ethic, so that those who do not produce become expendable?

22. Is a farmer more important than a professional athlete?

23. Is an actress more important than a soldier?

24. Is there ever a just war?

25. What is the purpose of Government?

26. Is civil government supposed to provide for all our needs and desires or just protection so we may provide and seek our own dreams?

27. Is Obama really a Messiah?

28. Are there other kinds of government that should be encouraged, for example: self government, family government, church government or are all these wrong? 

29. Will the Cubs ever win another World Series?

30. Will the Vikings or Bills win a Super Bowl?

31. What is your favorite food?

32. How are you?

33. Do you love me?

34. Will you marry me?

35. Does any basketball player match Jordan?

36. Tiger or Jack?

37. Is manmade global warming real or a lie?

38. Are more and more taxes and bigger government good for our country or only for politicians?

39. Cats, dogs or fish?

40. Hamburger or hot dog?

41. Money, fame, power, sex or Heaven, what drives you?

42. Children or no children, many or few?

43. If you were an animal which would you be?

44. Yes or no?

45. To be or not to be?

46. What must I do to be SAVED?

47. Mac or PC?

48. Favorite movie?

49. Favorite quote?

50. How’s the weather?

From these 50 questions mostly asked by people in this world, interestingly almost half of it related with God, life, and truth. Have you found the answer to all these questions? If you don’t, what will you do about it? If you do, do you have the need to share it to those who don’t know yet?

I haven’t got plenty of time to discuss about this further cos I still need to continue my meditation hahaha… So this is just a quick post, just giving points for you to ponder , catch you all later Before I leave, I remember this one song (I wish I had time to record my voice singing this song, maybe next time :P):

“Jesus is the answer, for the world today

Above Him there’s no other

Jesus is The Way

If you have some questions in the corners of your mind
And traces of discouragement and peace you can not find
Reflection of the old past, They seem to face you every day
There’s one thing I know for sure that Jesus is the way

I know you got mountains that you think you can not climb
I know that your skies have been dark, You think the sun won’t shine
In case you don’t know, I’m here to tell you that the World of God is true yeah
And everything that He’s promised, I tell you he would do it for you
Let me tell you that”

Words & Music by Andare Crouch and Sandra Crouch

“The Town that Has Continued to Break the Law”

That’s what ‘Nimbin’ has been labelled especially from the authority because of its overwhelming drug addiction.

It’s been a ‘decades-old drug culture’ and has caused an increasing violence and a series of social problems including high rates of mental health and homelessness within its population of 500.

What are they missing, Lord?

Some people say why bother for this small town consists of ’500 hippies smoking weeds’. Yet I know You care for them one by one, Lord…

The cannabis is not the problem, their heart is…

 

I read this comment from a thread dated back in 2004:

“Nimbin is a disgrace, possibly the worst advertisment for the cannabis community in the world. Go there, and you’ll have 100 losers trying to sell you dope. An old school friend of mine died there with a needle in his arm. It’s a horror in one of the most beautiful places you’ll ever see. The dope sales fuel heroin habits. I’m not fond of cops, but this town needs to be cleaned up”

How can I share the truth, Lord? What is it that You want to share through me?

ps: I’ll be going for a mission trip to Nimbin early next month and will give a message in the Sunday service at one local church with its major theme derived from John 4 about the Living Water. Holy Spirit, I know You will reveal Your heart simply by Your grace. You love this people, Lord. Put Your heart and Your compassion in me. I want to experience the joy of sharing Your heart… 

 

“Plain Life Without God’s Intervention”

I slept last night in tears. Not because I was sad, but somehow before I closed my eyes, I could feel God was really there in my room accompanying me while I was going to sleep and would also be during my sleep! This feeling is so awesome, it still touches the deepest of my heart as I’m writing this blog… All I could say last night was I love You, Lord, and I want to experience more of You!

I may not be understand what God is doing with my phase of life at the moment… Many times than ever I felt so scared, in fear, and in doubt this year… Doubting what God can do through me… But other part of me feel so excited this morning as I realize my life will be so plain boring without God’s intervention!

Each time I feel the pressure of facing the giants, on the other side I could feel a sense of thrilling sensation in my body and in my heart with what God can do with my life!

And this morning I suddenly also realize, what I meant by ‘This year I want to be much more different than last years in my journey with God’, is I want to experience Him in a level I never have before! And it has so much to do with “obedience“! I kept asking God what does it really mean by ‘to experience more of Him’? How could it happen? How do I want it happen? Then yesterday when I walked along the cafe pathway to Melbourne Central, I felt this desire to really obey God than ever before! I felt this desire to have an unwavering faith to the extent I could do or experience many more miraculuous things in my life, simply because I believe and allow Him to do His great works through me! Not because I am able, but because I am willing to extend my capacity in Him! I feel this desire to have a greater level of intimacy with Jesus. I imagine how intimate some famous evangelist people with God, such as Benny Hinn, Billy Graham, or even Joyce Meyer (judging from their abundant experiences with God that they wrote in their books)… And if I could measure how I want my intimacy with God can be, I’d use their relationships as a benchmark.

It may sound crazy (they’re all have decades of experiences with God already), but I have this desire to also experience God as much as them starting now from my early age!

As voices such as “I Can’t”, ”How Could I?”, “I’m scared”, “I Don’t Know” often get into my mind more than ever this year, I feel the need to depend on the Lord more than ever too. God truly is bringing me to a new level of faith, God is surely bringing me to a new level of experience with Himself. It may be like a rollercoaster involving many emotions, mixed feelings, and tears, but I am ready to catch the ride!

Maybe in other times I can share more about ‘facing the giants’ situations I’m facing at the moment. For now, I just want to enjoy the other side of ’facing the giant’: I can experience more of Him, I can feel that He is truly real in my life. And I desire for more of this experience in my life so that He becomes too real in my life that I cannot deny His presence, His provision, His protection, His sovereignty in my life!

God bless you all

Curhat in Indo :P

Cara kerjanya Tuhan itu ajaib. Dibilang kalo jalanNya Tuhan itu sangat berbeda dgn jalan kita memang bener (semakin deket jalan sama Tuhan smakin ngeh soal ini lebih dr sekedar ayat di alkitab). Pas Juli aku dtg ke Melb, ‘misi’ aku simple: nemenin dd buat dia beradaptasi disini (latihan buat jd housewife jg spt kata tmn2 aku, ukh! ). Batas waktu sampe Desember aja, hbs itu ya balik lagi ke Indo. Melb ini cuma buat tempat persinggahan aja.

Tp yg ga disangka kok ternyata Tuhan mau aku singgahnya lebih lama lagi yah…?

One by one purpose Tuhan kasih buat aku stay longer disini… Dgn kesimpulan akhir: There’s no way aku balik for good ke Indo Desember ini. Balik buat liburan aja. January balik Melb lagi, ngelanjutin purpose-Nya lagi.

Tuhan itu ajaib yah.

Kebayang deh sebulan ini dipenuhi sama tidur ga nyenyak krn hati gelisah. Yg ada dikit2 takut, dikit2 khawatir. Disuruh begini takut, disuruh begitu ‘masa sih Tuhan? Emangnya aku bisa? Bener ga sih ini dr Engkau?’. Wah rasanya gaenak banget deh! Saking takutnya bisa sampe nangis2, rasanya cape hidup dlm ketakutan. Yg ada iman jd makin digerogoti sama rasa takut ini! (kesian deh si iman….)

Sampe akhirnya minggu lalu ada doa 6 jam di gereja. Disitu Tuhan jamah aku. Rasanya hatiku itu hancur dan aku cuma bisa nangis terus. Bukan  nangisin sesuatu yg sedih, tapi hati ini hancur krn aku ngerasa butuh banget Tuhan lebih lagi dlm hidup aku. I want more of You, God! Soal masa depan yg belum pasti, rencana2 lain yg belun jelas, aku ga peduli – aku cuma mau Tuhan lebih lagi jd bagian dlm hidup aku!

Pas malemnya udah cape banget tuh seharian n bsknya hrs pelayanan pagi2 jadi aku udah siap2 buat bisa tidur yg pulesss banget, gataunya kok jadi ga bisa tidur!!! Rasanya kok nih hati brasa sesek yah, gatau kenapa. Mau baca buku biar ngantuk lagi, rasanya lg ga mood juga. Mau nulis note di fb, rasanya engga juga. Aku brasa itu semua ga bisa ilangin rasa sesek di hati ini. Jadilah aku bangun, berlutut di karpet dan tiba2 nangis, bener2 nangis terus! Air mata ngalir terus n nangisnya tuh yg merengek-rengek gitu! Aku berasa banget hati aku ini hancur, lagi2 perasaan yg sama kaya pas doa di gereja itu. Aku baru ngerasa kalo sptnya yg nangis sampe merengek buat God’s presence lbh lagi dlm hidup aku itu adlh roh aku! My spirit was so brokenhearted by God that night!

Aku keinget satu ayat di Matt 5, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven”. Aku berasa roh aku itu miskin banget malam itu!

Tuhan hapus semua rasa ketakutan aku dan ganti sama rasa haus dan lapar akan Dia!

 

Besoknya pas di kebaktian juga aku ga bisa berhenti nangis pas Ko Dan minta utk org2 yg mau didoaiin buat berdiri. Hari itu dia lg khotbah tentang kehadiran Tuhan itu jauh lebih penting daripada kebutuhan2 lainnya di dunia ini. Hidup itu bukan soal makan, minum, pakaian, mobil, rumah, senang2, karir bagus, status terpandang, tubuh kuat dsb. Kita ga harus miliki itu semua baru dibilang hidup!

Yesus bilang di Matt 6:25 hidup itu lebih penting dr makanan dan minuman (hal2 yg kelihatan). Di John 6 Dia bilang kalau roti hidup itu adlh diriNya, kalau kita makan Roti Hidup itu kita akan terus hidup selamanya. Artinya bukan kita jd kanibal makan dagingnya Yesus! Tapi Tuhan pake allegory ‘roti’ utk melambangkan yg bisa memberi energi buat hidup kita sesungguhnya bukan hal2 jasmani, tp hanya Dia sendiri yg kasih kita kepuasan buat roh kita!

Berkat terbesar itu adlh diriNya sendiri, bukan dlm bentuk material.

Ko Dan mau doaiin buat org2 yg mau hatinya berbalik ke jalan yg benar, yg hatinya terlalu dipenuhi sama kekhawatiran akan hal2 duniawi buat bertobat dan berbalik mengejar dan menghargai kehadiran Yesus dlm hidup kita lebih dr segalanya.

Aku ga bisa berhenti nangis bahkan stlh dia selesai doaiin. Hati yg sesek and ‘wanting more of God’ itu lagi2 kerasa. Kalo choir ga harus maju lagi ke panggung rasanya aku msh mau nangis terus and enjoying God’s presence and anointing saat itu terus menerus.

 

Aku sadar aku tuh masih ‘cupu’ banget istilahnya. Ga nyadar punya Tuhan yg guedeee banget kaya Yesus yg megang kendali dlm hidup aku. Buat apa aku khawatirin hal2 yg memang di luar kendali aku?

Aku percaya ini saatnya Tuhan mau bawa aku ke level lebih tinggi dlm soal iman. Tuhan mau aku percaya Dia bisa ngelakuiin lebih dr apa yg udah Dia lakuiin buat aku selama ini, yg aku udah alamin yg lalu2 smua bahkan blm ada apa2nya! Tuhan udah siapin perjalanan iman yg baru, dan aku harus siap dan berani hadapinnya bersama-sama dgn Dia! Tuhan kasih aku keberanian utk melangkah step by step. Meski cuma istilahnya satu meter, kalo itu yg Tuhan bukaiin ya aku harus berani melangkah. Ga harus nunggu sampe aku lihat lima meter ke depan! Aku percaya Tuhan mengerti kapasitas aku.

Aku beriman banget utk sisa 2 bulan di tahun 2009 ini Tuhan udah sediaiin something great yg aku blm pernah alami sblmnya! Now I am ready to embark on this journey with courage and happy heart, semua berkat Dia yg memampukan aku! Tuhan itu baik banget.

 

Minggu lalu kita juga mulai mission kita di Fed Square lagi (aku ceritaiin di entry lainnya yah, pokoknya cara Tuhan nge-lead kita ke jiwa2 yg Dia mau kita jangkau ajaib banget deh). Utk soal buku, selama seminggu sempet tertunda krn ada ortu disini hehehe.. n’ terus aku kok jadi ngerasa apa Tuhan mau ‘perpanjang’ chapter dr buku ini sampe 2010 yah? Tadinya aku udah targetin by Oct udah harus slesai, pokoknya sblm aku for good (tadinya) Desember, nih buku hrs udah selesai dicetak. Tapi kok ternyata lagi2 plannya Tuhan beda? Tuhan sodorin aku plan lainnya utk aku stay longer di Melb. Something yg bener2 di luar dugaan aku banget! Lagi-lagi aku cuma bisa blg Tuhan ajaib. Kalo emang bener ini dr Tuhan pasti Tuhan jg yg lagi-lagi sediaiin caranya, I believe!

Terus, awal Desember nanti aku jg bakal ikutan mission trip ke Nimbin. Itu tuh kota kecil di perbatasan NSW ma QLD. Seneng banget akhirnya mimpi aku buat ikut mission trip dikabulkan meski belum ke daerah2 di indo (pengen banget one day ke Papua). Aku juga yakin this will be a great moment in my faith journey with God! Nimbin ini kota kecil yg penduduknya cm 400-an gitu, country area banget deh. Kota ini tuh penduduknya banyak yg nge-drugs (marijuana dijual bebas disini), free sex (homosexual banyak termasuk festival mardi gras tiap taonnya di kota ini jadi salah satu daya tarik utama buat turis2), pusatnya New Age healing centre jg… Gerejanya cuman ada 2 n’ total jemaat: 9!!!!

Nah trs pas kmrn2 Alni minta aku buat bawaiin firman nanti pas kebaktian minggunya! Ya ampyunnnnn… pas baca sms dia, nih kepala langsung puyeng saking deg2annya! (jantungnya ga kuat jadi lari ke kepala… arggghhh)… Ngebayangin khotbah pake bahasa inggris di depan jemaat yg org bule semua plus udah tua!!! Inggris belepotan begini ukhhh… Tapi lagi2 aku cuma bisa percaya Tuhan pasti siapin aku (dan tentunya aku hrs bener2 latihan dl nih nanti kalo udah dapet bahan buat dikhotbahinnya).

Pokoknya dgn semua yg Tuhan udah sediaiin di hari2 depan ini, I AM SO EXCITED!!!

Aku tau statement yg aku terima di awal tahun ini yg aku tulis di layar BB aku, “God is preparing something bigger for me this year! Nothing’s impossible for Him!” itu akan Tuhan betul2 perlihatkan!

Wowwwww… yg ada stlh nulis ini jd semangattttt!!! Hehehehhee…

Udahan dulu yah.. udah super panjang nih 1,000 words lebih (kaya lg bikin assignment aja hahahhaha)..

Bantu doanya yah teman-teman… Maaf kali ini ga pake inggris nulisnya, lagi pengen ‘nyante’ hohoho (nanti kalo ini dimasukkin ke bukunya baru aku edit to english dan tentunya akan dikoreksi lebih lagi ma ‘editor’-ku hahahaha)

God bless all

MELBOURNE!!!

I’ve been in Melbourne over a week by now… what a lovely city… A city that I used to live in for 6 years… and now that I am here again, more memories are to follow…

The fact that I am here is only by God’s grace… I had never known He will open the door for me to be here… Allowing me to have a ‘proper communication’ with my bf… It is only by grace! Why I said so?

Well, my younger brother had been planning to study here since two years ago yet he was always hesitant. When he decided to go here, my grandpa and dad actually did not really agree… My grandpa especially, thought that I was in Jakarta already anyway. He wanted us to be one, all together in Jakarta as a family. I didn’t expect tht my brother would go talked to him about his decision. Saying that he regretted the fact that he postponed his study for two years and Melb is the path he’s willing to choose. At that time I just prayed what’s the best for him. I didn’t want to be selfish by praying “O God, please make my brother go to Melbourne!” just so I could be with my bf. I prayed for God’s will may be done in his life, I believe God would give him the best, just so He would do to me as well.

And now… heyyy! I’m here! Together with my brother! hehehe… I would never be able to guess what the Lord wants to do in my life… He truly gives me more than I ever ask or pray… God is so good…

I give thanks to God  for now I can see my bf everyday after he’s gone back from work… the time that we spent and will spend is all by grace and so precious to us…

 

For the first week kinda felt hard for me though… Worry often entered my heart! This time I have to be responsible for my brother… It is my duty as a sister to take care of him, give him the best I can do… Especially I know that he had never grown apart from our parents…. I enjoy this new role, cos I really love him so much. Yet that fear had its time entering my heart. What if something out of my control happen? What if I couldn’t handle a situation? I could not be there for him all of the time.

And in this moment that I realize, God’s been teaching me to surrender people I love to His hand… I could not be there for them all of the time yet HE is able! And how much power He has more than me with all my liabilities! This also applies to my thought of worry over my mom… I felt so sad knowing she’d spend her nights without us… chatting, playing, laughing in her room until midnight… together with our lovely dog… Yet once again, I cannot deny that we live our own life… No matter how much we close to someone, we cannot be with them all of the time…

God is teaching me FAITH… If I trust my life is safe in His hands, why I couldn’t trust the life of my loved ones unto Him as well?

Now I become more understand as well, how parents could be so protective to their children… They have to learn to entrust their children to God’s hands too.. Providing all they need yet there are things only God can do, above human’s effort and power… He is the source of all power…!

 

Well, up to this date perhaps this is what I can share to you all… I’m still praying what am I gonna do with my time here while I’m in Melbourne? What work for kingdom of God that He has provided me?

 

God, I want to lean on You in all times…

In sad times I want to find comfort in Your words,

In times of fear I want to embrace Your love and power for it is only You are able to make me move forward,

In happy times I want to love You, Jesus, even more!

In all times I wanna be with You…

Please help me to stay close to You in all times…

Enable me to enjoy a deeper relationship with You Lord…

Thank You for all Your kindness and faithfullness!!!!! You are simply great and awesome

Ngobrol-Ngobrol Soal Novel (Dikit aja)…. :)

Hellowwww…

So here I am, sitting down here facing a white wall in my own room with two boxes full of CDs and a sweet frog doll present from my friend at my left side…thinking it’s been a long time since the last time I updated my blog… ukhhhh…

I still regularly updating my Facebook notes though (walo sempet MIA-Missing in Action-for a month ). Biasanya entry dr FB Note itu bakal aku copas kesini, tp utk bbrp entry blman sih hehe.. Sehrsnya isi blog ini jg lebih personal kali ya..meaning ga hrs sama ma entry2 di note Facebook tp disini lbh ada sedikit ‘sentuhan pribadi’…hihihi… Kayanya jg lebih jarang visitors yg buka nih blog dibanding buka my Facebook page (bener ga sih? rasanya sih iya hahaha) jdnya lebih aman buat share lil bit more personal things disini (kaya mo share apaan aja yah hehehe)..n’ disini kl ada yg mo ksh comment kan msh tetep bisa

Entry kali ini emang byk ngobrol ngalor ngidul aja deh ya…

Hmmm… Begini…. Skrg ini aku lg in progress of writing a novel…. (yeyyyy *ada applause as background sound, applause dr diri gw sndr hahaha ).. Mulainya sih baru kira2 2 mingguan lalu deh… It is my dream to write a book since 2007, tp akhirnya br skrg bener2 dijalanin… Bukan krn males ato ga brani sih, tp simply krn idenya jg br dapetnya skrg!! hehehe… Tiba2 aja one day that idea came up, sbnrnya jg input dr my lovely bf sih hehe… Pas di-pkr2 bener juga yah… Intinya kan write on smt that I am familiar with… Smt yg diambil atau ditulis dr personal experience biasanya kan jg lbh bs dijiwai yah….

So, jadi deh ide buku ini muncul… (skrg ini udah sampe Chapter 5, sampe brp chapter nih buku bakalan? Aku sndr honestly blm tau, let the fingers type as well as the heart follows *cieeehhhhh…hahahaha…). Yg pasti aku jg udah doa buat inspirasi dan ide2 kreatif dr Holy Spirit, cos this is meant to be a Christian novel meski msh masuk kategori fiksi…

 

This novel will tell a story about a woman at mid 30s, working as a columnist at an international Christian magazine in Jakarta. She has a wonderful husband and one very loveable daughter.

Ceritanya akan berkisar seputar her past, how her relationship with her mom and dad brought her to this stage, as well as her present, konflik2 yg msh dia hrs hadapi yg berkaitan banyak dgn orgtuanya especially her mother.

As u may see, critanya bakal banyak revolved around family life and marriage. Pain, sadness, betrayal, unfaithfulness. Itu smua bkn pilihan si wanita ini, tp memang ga bs dihindari cos she’s still living in this corrupted world.

Wowww… now as I’m writing this, I think I’m ready to write a short preview about this novel soon hahaha… (rough idea-nya slm ini br ada di kepala sndr, tp pengen jg kan ksh short preview-nya gitu ke temen2 biar mrk bs lbh anticipated nungguinnya hihihi ).. Jd nanti kl udah slesai ditls, preview-nya bakal aku post disini yah Yg diatas td br sekedar ‘obrolan’ hehehe…

Hmmm…

Segitu dl deh kali ini, ngobrol ngalor ngidul aja soal novel milik sndr..hahaha… Mau mandi dl nih habis itu nungguin roti bakar pesenan dateng pas dd aku udah plg jg (coklat keju ma kornet telor )… Td br ikutan nonton “Race to Witch Mountain” ma dia n cwnya (dia blg gw jd ‘kecoak’, udah bukan nyamuk lg >.< hahaha…)

 

Ciaooooooo…