Journey on a Boat “Part 3″ – Final

I was vacuum for a while from writing this blog, I was out to Hongkong & China for 10 days trip with my big family (when I say ‘big’, it included my grandpa, aunties, uncle, nephew, cousins ) then was very busy sorting out things for the wedding and apartment’s renovation *pheewww! All I can say is, GOD IS SO GOOD! He’s been pouring  out His abundant mercy and grace unto me, I am so grateful for His deliverance, comfort, and divine solution in my problem!

After got disappointed with Him some time ago, I was inclined to write my journey of low times recently into 3-series of ”Journey on A Boat” (Click here to read Journey on a Boat ‘Part 2′ and Journey on a Boat ‘Part 1′). Now I’ve come to several points of conclusion based on this experience:

1. As I wrote in ‘Part 2′, I’ve admitted that getting out of a boat is a must for my faith to grow. Many things I will miss if I don’t dare myself to get out from my boat (my comfort zone). At the end of my life, I don’t want to have regret, to keep asking ‘what ifs’ without really trying. At the end of my life, all those ‘what ifs’ become ‘might have beens’. What might have been if I had trusted God? I have to learn to discern between ‘faith’ or ‘foolishness’ (doing something big without serious thinking). I have to keep my relationship with Him to be strong to discern between the two, and when it turns out to be ‘faith’, I have to draw out the courage from the Source-get out of my boat and walk on water.

2. I think I have overcome the ‘denial’ stage. I wished my life could be free from problems (small problems that I know I can handle are allowable, but not a mountain-sized problem where I’d be powerless-no thanks). Yet, He delights when I am powerless. What? Is He a mean God? Not at all! Here is where I have received a revelation from Holy Spirit days ago. I was blaming God for my mountain-size problem, I was disappointed. But then after weeks gone by, not only I can witness God’s mighty deliverance over my problem, I’ve also let myself to be humbled by finally admitting that mountain-size problem is necessary in my life!

Some time ago I was holding my pride too high. I said to God I hated to be forced to go out from my boat, I hated to face the storm and raging wind, I was deeply scared. I might resent God as well because of the storm that I had to endure!

But see, God’s mercy and favour have humbled me eventually. I have come out from my cave (like Elijah who was once frightened to death by the threat of Jezebel – 1 Kings 19), I ate my pride and finally agreed with God, that yes, problems are necessary for my faith growth.

Kept rejecting to eat vegie because it didn’t taste nice, finally a 9-years old girl ate her pride and start to swallow the bitter melon full of vitamin C given by her mom – that girl represents me.

Only God is able to do this. Only God is able to soften my heart and let me see His love. Opening my eyes to see that He never, n.e.v.e.r, have harmful intention to me and my life. All He have for me is His love.

3. Holy Spirit opened my eyes last Sunday, that God wants His church, including me, to be strong.

A loving father must want his children to be fit, healthy, and strong. No good father wants his children to be weak and sick! Just the same with God the Father in Heaven toward us as His beloved Children. But He allows me to be weak, very weak, so that  I can feel His power in my life even more! This is like what Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10,

“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weaknesses’. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong“

Now I not only understand these verses by my head, I understand by heart – I’ve experienced that statement of Paul “When I am weak, then I am strong”. Praise God!

4. I understand purpose of God in my life through experiencing the recent storm. God wants me to have a remarkably resilient faith. Resiliency is a condition whereby one actually enlarge his or her capacity to handle problems, and in the end not only survive but grow. Resilient people find purpose and meaning in their suffering.

I remember I kept prayed asking God for a breakthrough in my relationship with Him. I want to be closer, much more intimate, with Him. Then somehow in the midst of the storm, my heart was saying, “this is the time, this is the beginning”. Could this be the answer of my prayer long time ago? Then my heart said, ‘I feel like God’s answering my prayer through this storm! ‘… Funny how God answers our prayers, huh… Through the recent storm I learnt to depend on God much deeper than I had before! God is in the storm! Jesus was in the storm with Peter and other disciples – Jesus let Himself to be found in the storm!

 

Thank You so much Lord for this “journey on a boat”! So many I’ve learnt that I wouldn’t be able to get it from else where… I am really grateful for Your deliverance, God! You have offered me a way out, an unexpected one, and now I can breathe easier, You have relieved me.

Now this boat has found its anchor. But I know this journey is not the end. It is only the end of my 3-parts writing in this blog, the journey in my life shall continue. For those who are facing the same, don’t give up – God is in the storm, and He’s always in control!

God bless you all dear friends

“Sometimes God comes, not in those moments when we are most lifted up, but when we are down the lowest in the place of vulnerability and fear. Sometimes He comes, not on the mountaintop, but in the storm”

Trusting God, No Matter What!

Journey on a Boat “Part 2″

I become to understand taking a trip in a boat and get out of it does not happen only once in a while. I actually have gone out of that boat many times throughout my life. If days ago I wrote, I’d better prefer to stay in the boat after what has happened recently, now I realize I AM out of the boat already when I made the decision months ago! I realize getting out of the boat DID make me growing. I am what I am today because I’ve gone out of the boat many times before, following where God’s leading me, whether I am aware or not.

I did go out of the boat, to name a few, when:

- I chose to enter a high school with highest standard in my neighbourhood. I was afraid at the beginning, afraid to have failing grades at this school well-known for its ‘extreme difficulty’, but then by God’s grace I graduated succesfully; my fear has been proven false – it was only fear; not a fact. If I never went out of the boat of  ‘playing safe and living mediocre life’, I’d never know doing things diligently and learn to be discipline and under pressure.

- I chose to continue my study to overseas, leaving my family behind, leaving neighbourhood that I’ve been familiar with since my first twenty years of life. I ended up to love Melbourne, it is my second home for the last eight years. Moreover, I found the One who created me there, the One who has sacrificed Himself at the cross to prepare for me my True Home in Heaven. If I never went out of the boat of my home’s comfort, I’d never learn the rich experience of being independent, the beauty of friendships with brothers and sisters in Christ, and the other side of a different yet interesting lifestyle. 

- I chose someone who is now my fiance, who soon will be my husband. I chose him two years ago risking my heart and life, depending only on God’s faithfulness in guiding me. If I never went out of the boat to be with him, I’d never know the beauty of true love and marriage in God.

What a true and precious treasure I’ve gained by getting out of my boat, choices that I’ve made at the past had shaped me to become what I am now!

So, now here is the case:

- When I chose to open up my own business, then I can’t say that this one is succesful. If I never went out of the boat ‘taking risk to achieve my dream’; what things I’d never know about? 

This is my homework.

I believe I will be able to list even more things after that, things that will reflect how faithful God is in my life!

It’s just now, I have new opinion: I have agreed to what John Ortbeg said in his book (read Journey on a Boat ‘Part 1′) – we do have to go out from the boat to have our faith tested, to taste the true living as a Christian who always depend on God’s grace and mercy!

I realize I don’t want to be ‘Boat Potatoes’ . Reading this paragraph below makes me scared of ‘living a bored and wasted life’:

'The Boat Potato'

The common cold of the soul.

To sinful patterns of behavior that never get confronted and changed,

Abilities and gifts that never get cultivated and deployed-

Until weeks become months, and months turn into years,

And one day you’re looking back on a life of

Deep intimate gut-wrenchingly honest conversationns you never had;

Great bold prayers you never prayed,

Exhilarating risks you never took,

Sacrificial gifts you never offered,

Lives you never touched,

And you’re sitting in a recliner with a shriveled soul, and forgotten dreams,

And you realize there was a world of desperate need,

And a great God calling you to be part of something bigger that yourself-

You see the person you could have become but did not;

You never followed your calling.

You never got out of the boat.

There is no tragedy like the tragedy of the unopened gift.

I have agreed with You until this point, Lord. That yes, I do have to get out of the boat, to come and walk on the water. I MUST, if I want to live a life meaningfully; one that I’ve been asking six years ago before then You came and answered my prayer…

Go on, Lord. Continue to talk to me through this book… and thank You God, I love You.

God is “Funny”!

Something’s happened within days I went back from the Winter Camp. You remember in my previous note, I wrote that I wasn’t disappointed I didn’t ‘feel anything’ during the Camp. Yet I was expecting something happened especially during the Sunday service!

I couldn’t come on the Saturday when they had revival night at church because I had to be at Lilo. I was envious towards those who could come, especially when I heard stories about ‘bizarre manifestations’ that some people experienced that night. I know, I have written and said that it wasn’t the manifestation I’m chasing after. But I feel as if the world (if not Satan) was trying to challenge my faith! Am I really OK just by knowing God is real in my heart (by faith) rather than seeing & feeling the manifestation of the reality of God and His Spirit (believing by physical senses)?

Am I really convicted to walk by faith than by sight?

I feel I am challenged by my own statement! When I said I wasn’t disappointed, is it true? Or was I just trying to comfort myself?

It was true during the Winter Camp!

However, after hearing ‘cooler testimony’ from my church friends, I couldn’t help not to want the same thing (the manifestation)!

I even stayed back after the first service to be prayed by Ps. Mark. I was hoping he would come specifically to pray for me, prophesy for me like he did to some others! But again, nothing happened…

I said to God once again that even He didn’t touch me there, I wouldn’t be disappointed. Yet when it was over and still God didn’t ‘perform’ anything, I silently got disappointed.

“You said that you won’t get disappointed even though you don’t feel anything, right?”

“I know, God, but…..”

Now this is the time my logic was clashing with my heart!

I know in my heart that God is real, He can speak to me anywhere, anytime, He can touch me wherever and whenever He’s willing to, through any ways, any people (it doesn’t have to be Ps. Mark, at that place, & at that time!)

Apparently I only know, but I don’t believe.

My logic was expecting something that is ‘more real’, as in something that my physical senses could feel that God is real!

It was very rare God speaks to me through other people’s prophesy (within 5 years they happened only twice, and only during my beginning walk with Christ – and how these two events were very meaningful to me even until now).

Mostly (like 90 percents) God speaks to me through His words in Bible that seems to come to me at the perfect time when I need it as well as through His Spirit’s small, still voice inside my heart!

Yes, God knows what I need best, and the best way to deliver His message.

Said the Lord to me: “Why do you need other people prophesy for you when I Myself can speak straightaway to your heart (secretly, yet you know it is Me who’s speaking)…?

Are you trying to get people’s attention directed toward you (“Look! She must be special to get that special prophesy by, say, Ps. Mark”)?”

Why?

Vanity, oh, vanity….

The Holy Spirit truly searched through the deepest of my heart!

Then two days ago I also envied my friend who got an opportunity to serve the Lord in the way I’ve been longing to!! I even cried at night before I slept, “Why it wasn’t me, Lord?”

I felt like a child crying and telling honestly what I was feeling to my Dad in Heaven (I rarely have a heart-to-heart conversation with my earthly dad but I know in front of God the Father it is different, I can be what I am without being afraid to be judged or scolded for being honest)

It doesn’t mean that I don’t love my friend, I’m also happy for her, but I just want what she has!

There again, my covetousness for things that other people experience!

Then when I was crying, my fiancee pointed on what I wrote earlier that morning on my “365 notebook”, about how God works in the same way as a silversmith does to the silver he’s shaping (the silver is us), it’s taken from one of devotionals by The Vine.

Malachi 3:3 “He (God) will sit like a refiner of silver…”

I’m just gonna share what the devotional is about because it really blessed me!

A woman who read this verse at a Bible study wanted to know how it related to her walk with God, so she made an appointment with the silversmith. Without mentioning anything other than a general interest in the process, she sat and observed him work.

She watched as he held the silver over the fire, explaining that in order to burn away every impurity he had to keep it in the middle where it was hottest. She asked him if he usually sat in front of the fire the entire time. ‘Yes,’ he replied, ‘not only do I have to hold it, I must watch it. If I leave it there too long it will be destroyed.’ After thinking about that for awhile she asked, ‘How do you know when the process is complete?‘ Smiling, he replied, ‘That’s easy; I see my face reflected in it.’

If you’re in the refiner’s fire today, remember:

a) He knows what He’s doing, so trust Him

b) He won’t allow you to be destroyed by the circumstances, or take His eye off you

c) when the process is complete, you’ll be more like Jesus and less like your old self.

Isn’t that what you want? Isn’t that what you’ve prayed for?

 

I sat there in silence and read again what I wrote, the last a-b-c points at above. “He knows what He’s doing so trust Him”, I repeated that in my heart.

There must be a reason why God gave the opportunity to her not me, it doesn’t mean that God doesn’t want to use me, His own words saying that I am the light of the world that is glowing like a city on the top of hill, do not hide the light under a basket! The opportunity to serve Him is by grace alone, it’s not like a competition between us believers!

There must be also a reason why other people experience His manifestations and I didn’t, it doesn’t mean God doesn’t want me to experience Him!

He just simply works personally in my life, His works are unique! What a privilege this is, isn’t it?!

Well, the next day then I got a news, something that I didn’t expect,  I got my own opportunity to serve Him!!!

I’m so surprised by how God works, I literally smiled after I got the news while telling my fiancee, “you know, God is funny!”

Funny in a way, many times I don’t understand or even agree to the way He works, yet eventually He always bring smile on my face, His ways are just way more creative than mine!!!

I envied, I cried, I expected God to work with my way – I was acting like a child who knew nothing! I imagined God was smiling or even laughing to watch my childish act! >.<

He might be in His relaxing, cool move, saying “I know what I’m doing Nat, just trust me!”

Isn’t that what God has told me in Winter Camp, “Just follow Me, I will lead you”!?

Wow! I surely have to walk by this revelation, not enough to just receiving it!

Thank You so much, Lord! Truly Your way is not my way, and Your way is simply the best! In the end I just Your face to be reflected in mine…

Welcome David Fleming to the Kingdom of God!! :D

David's Baptism ~ March 27th 2010

TODAY!!!! As you can see, the day of David’s baptism ~ ‘My Grandpa’, my great friend!!!

I met him first time in 2007 on a bus on my way to work… I’ve just edited my book two days ago and I’ve arrived to the chapter when I first met David, and the moment was right as this day arrives, for me to reflect the journey of how God’s grace has miraculuously worked in David’s life! How old you are doesn’t- WILL NOT prevent the power of God’s salvation to work His amazing grace in your life!

My tears was overflowing as I saw him immersed in the pool water… The grateful heart for his salvation mixed with a pleading heart to God for the same to happen to my father… I was imagining if it was my father who was in that pool, proclaiming his faith in public through the baptism… I could only say to God in my heart, more like convincing myself, that my prayer will not go in vain… even though my eyes see nothing’s changed in my dad and family’s life but what God is working in each of my family members’ and my dad’d heart is only known by God alone… and with faith I can believe that God works all things good for my dad… The same promise God promised me is also available for my dad, for my mom, and for my brother and his family…

As for my younger brother I am SO grateful he can know and be closer to God since he’s in Melb… I pray for him to experience God personally and to welcome the Holy Spirit to take control of his life and have communion with Him in his daily life…

Today, is the day of remembrance…

That NOTHING is impossible for the Lord…

That God is ABLE to work much more than my prayers and imaginations…

That every seed of good works, God’s words, and prayer NOT ONE go in vain…

I thank You Lord for David… I thank You to put him in my life, to be a blessing for me…

When the greatest miracle of salvation has been received, no other miracles could compare (including healing)-KD

“Confession of a (Then) Worryaholic”

Don't waste your life by worrying!

I have to confess about something……… which is:

I get easily worried these days!

(you’d thought it’d be something worst huh… hahaha… but really, getting worry too easily is ugly especially if you let it settle down in your heart for quite some time!)

My frozen yoghurt shop will commence soon (in less than a month, FINALLY!) and things just get busier… I am very excited, of course! This is God’s favor!! Greater than my imagination!

But some part of me started to get worried too. The shop hasn’t even been opened yet many things have made me stressed out! Other than worries, some part of me also feeling scared… Other than the thought whether I’ll be able to manage the shop and business well, my concern is also about whether I will be able to ENJOY doing it!

Opening my own business is my dream, my passion, and I loveee frozen yoghurt! Yet when things later get busier and sometimes could be out of hands, would I still be able to enjoy it?

One of the worst things that I don’t want to be in my life is, doing something that I can’t enjoy!

I hate the feeling to force my steps getting to work that I don’t even love! (I enjoyed my previous work experiences, they were all God’s blessings for me, they all have enriched my life experiences in many ways, but maybe I couldn’t say that I love them…)

Other than this issue, I’m also worried about the financial thing… I use my own saving for this business and didn’t ask for a penny from my parents (of course if they decided to contribute I wouldn’t mind either hihihihi…). I understand my parents are also in need of money… and I don’t want to put them any other burden…

This is personal for me, but I think it’d be still ok to share about this in my own blog…

I’ve never thought money would become a problem for me, you know… Fortunately, I’ve been raised in a wealthy family and even until now I can say that I am not lack of anything that I need. God is so good, He has provided me a lovely place to stay, food to eat & healthy nutrition to have (I don’t have to skip any meal because I don’t afford to buy it, unlike people in some third-world countries), clothes to wear, and other blessings than the material (these are just to name a few of God’s goodness in my life)!

But during the last several months (almost a year) when I haven’t earned any money from any job (while money keeps going out for the business planning, bills, and other needs -sometimes also wants-), money has started to become a problem for me… I don’t want to burden my parents because I know my dad, in particular, have issues on his own…

I have to be really wise in using my money and saving, especially a newly-wed life will be soon arriving in my book of life! If I spent all my savings on my business, how could I still manage to buy our ‘dream apartment’ and my own car when I go back to Jakarta (those are the two primary things that come into my mind at least)….? That is to name few things that really concern me about the financial issue, other things related is better kept in confidential…

Sooo… these days all things have built up in my mind and made me stressed, switching on my Blackberry in the morning (see, the Lord still blesses me with a cool phone! ;P) and receiving many emails about things I have to do made me stressed, bills also made me stressed, plus other unnecessary things that I shouldn’t even fuss about! I have to make my BB in silence mode! (it helps ) In Indo language, I may be just ‘senyoan’

Then this afternoon when I receive another unexpected news about increase in the budget, ‘strangely/funnily’ my reaction is just “happy-go-lucky”!! Of course, I still think of ‘how about the saving that I supposed to use for buying the apartment?!’, but then a voice in my heart said, “That is later. God will provide it later. Just focus on now“

WOWWW!

Did my heart say that out of desperation (que sera sera), or out of faith???

Yet it brings peace in my heart!

And as I took a walk by myself this evening, a voice in my heart again said, “Why do you have to worry for your life? You don’t own your life, God owns it. Do you think that God will not also sustain it?”

Lord, I believe it is Your Holy Spirit who’s spoken to my heart…! I don’t want to live my life in worry! I want to live by faith, not by sight!

You’re the One who ‘proposed’ this business for me (seriously the opportunity just came out of nowhere and He has broken down so many impossibilities until I was made sure that this is truly God’s will!), You’re also the One who will provide and equip me!

You’re the One who also ‘proposed’ another wonderful plan (a marriage life) into my life, I believe You also take control of every details of it!! And if it’s Your will for me and my bf to go back to Indo, all the material things we need to begin our new life there is nothing compared to Your riches and glory!

Oh God, I know this is all to enlarge my faith, because You have more blessings in store for me! You need to prepare my faith to claim even greater miracles from You!

Now this devotional I received two days ago from The Vine “Stop Worrying About It!” http://www.thevine.co.nz/word/archive/2010/03/17 ’make sense’ to me! God’s been trying to speak to me that it is true, no point of being worry when I have  a great God, the Owner of my life!!

You’re welcome to click the link and read it for yourselves

Friends, please pray for me, more than my financial need, for my faith to grow strong in the Lord, to see His power and greatness in my life, that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens and equips me… Thank you & God bless you all

PS: I wrote the title as ‘then’ because I don’t want any longer to be a worryaholic!

My God is my Provider

Let the Faith Speaks!

As this morning I sit holding my pen with empty papers from my journal staring at me, I pour out my heart to God… Could I be facing a situation like Noah?

You know, God asked him to build an ark, warning him a big flood would destroy the earth in due time… But there wasn’t even any rain yet! Yet he obeyed. He prepared all, he built it, regardless all people in town ridiculed him, mocking him. He just focused on what God has put in his heart. This one purpose, one desire: to build an ark with the measurements as what the Lord instructed.

Well, I don’t really know when the bible wrote “So God said to Noah…” (Gen 6:13-21).. in what way did God speak to Noah? Did He speak audibly? Showing His manifested presence to Noah in a form of thick clouds, fire, and there was a sound telling him what to do from it? But then the bible clearly said, “Noah did everything just as God commanded him” (Gen 6:22).

 

So, when I and my bf have this desire to go back to Indo, “restart” our life, building our happy family there, seeing Indo as a field where we can sow seeds for God’s kingdom and in due time, reaping the harvest as well-yet most of people whom I’ve told this plan saying to me, “what for? are you seriously want to leave your descent job and life here, and start all over again in Indo?”, I don’t really know whether we are facing the same situation as Noah did at his time…

 

God do not speak audibly to us, yet we have this desire in our heart. I also remember the messages I’ve been getting throughout the past months, “just believe!”… human, yes that includes me, tend to use their mind and brain more than what we require… let the faith speaks!

Well, the conclusion for this morning is, I just believe somehow God will speak more about this matter…

He will share His heart to us whenever we are willing to seek Him… Based on my past experiences, He never leave me in uncertainty… He always give me the answer, all answer is in His Son, Jesus Christ… in a time that is never too late, never too early… I just have a faith on that…

Then He put this song of praise in my lips to sing and adore Him:

“Apa yg tak pernah dilihat mata,

yg tak pernah didengar telinga,

yg tak pernah timbul di dlm hati,

smua disediakan, bagi yg mengasihi Dia.

Allah sanggup melakukan segala perkara,

dulu, skarang, dan slamanya,

kuasaNya tdk berubah,

 

Allah sanggup melakukan segala perkara,

dulu, skarang, dan slamanya,

kuasaNya tak berubah”

 

This song is inspired by God’s own words in 1 Corinthians 2:9

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived

what God has prepared for those who love Him”

 

This morning, this is what He speaks to me… and I believe, yes, I believe… He is faithful to His words…

“Feeling… Oh Feeling…”

Duhhhh.. I’m feeling it again… Feel like I’m losing my purpose… Suddenly I don’t really know what to do in Melbourne… (well, theorotically speaking I know, yet somehow my heart doesn’t feel it…)

I am stucked with my novel writing as well… Hiks… That compare-and-complain strucks me once again… I wish I could write as good as some people do… I wish I knew my purpose more clearly…

Then I read this devotional from The Vine… “When Feelings and Faith Are in Conflict”.

 

Ever hear the words: ‘You shouldn’t feel that way. If you trusted God more you wouldn’t be emotionally down and feel like quitting. A good dose of faith and prayer is what you need!’ When the bottom falls out of your world well-meaning friends think such words ought to pick you up instantly. But they don’t; they can actually make you feel worse. Remember Job’s friends?

So, what should we do when we experience these troubling, anxious, discouraging feelings?

1) Understand that feelings are neither right nor wrong.

Having them doesn’t make you unspiritual and not having them doesn’t make you spiritual. They’re just human emotions we all have.

No one experienced greater emotional pain than Jesus: ‘My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.’  (Mark 14:34). He felt like he was going to die on the spot. Such deep feelings threatened His very life!
Yet He didn’t hide or deny His feelings, or condemn Himself for having them.
Denial only amplifies emotion.
Jesus openly acknowledged His feelings, processing them in a healthy way. In the throes of anguish, He prayed twice, ‘Father… Please take this… suffering away from me… ‘ (Mark 14:36 NLT).

The Father didn’t scold or rebuke His plea to avoid His circumstances or His feelings, and He won’t scold or rebuke you either.

2) Understand that your feelings don’t dictate your options or invalidate your choices.
You can have bad feelings and still make good choices!
Crushed with grief, Jesus said, ‘… Yet I want your will, not mine’ (Mark 14:36 TLB).
Choose God’s will regardless of your feelings and He’ll strengthen you to handle the tough times.

So, for now, I find comfort in His words… This feeling of fear, worry and uncertain aren’t “wrong”… The real deal is, “what am I gonna do with those emotions?”… Do I surrender it to Jesus?
He deserves to know my deepest emotions… He’s my best friend!
Best friend always accept one as what he/she is… I don’t have to cover my heart when I share my feelings with Him… He understands…
In such time of uncertainty like this, I just want to hang on my faith… I do not want to complain what God has done in my life up til now…All is good…

Dear Lord, please guide my steps… Please show me Your heart, let me understand Your heart…

Let my eyes be opened and see what You are willing to show at this my point of life…
When my eyes are clouded with fear and worry, let Your words shine brighter than ever, Lord…

Thank You for I know You will never leave nor forsaken me… Lead me in Your path of righteousness…

 

Romans 8:15
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

Manusia yg sotoy… (the “all knowing human” :P)

I’ve just realized for the past five months God’s been teaching me to depend more and more unto Him…

You know, human tends to be ‘sok tau’ especially when we were faced with situations that “we know well already”.. it makes us to count on ourselves, relying on our knowledge and experiences from the past, making us to forget to ask guidance from the Lord. Pdhl Proverbs 3:6 bilang, “In ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight“. Yet we tend to make our own classification to our problems, for example, for problem/challenge type A, we think we can make our own decision because this is somehow easy, people (family, friends) telling this situation should be handled by x y z, but what the Lord says? Do we care for His opinion too? Meanwhile for problem/challenge type B.. hmm.. this is bit too hard, so this one I think is the time to ask the Lord.  Heyy…. But His words clearly said “in all our ways, acknowledge Him“… !

 

Well, this is the thing that He’s been teaching me for the past months. He did in purpose to put me in situations I wasn’t familiar with. He put me in situations where there is much uncertainty in how to solving the challenges. Seakan gaada jalan lain selain come to Him with a humble heart and saying, “Lord, I have no power to walk through all of these, I know nothing, You’re the one who knows all. Please reveal Your ways and Your wills to me“… Dr yg awalnya berasa ‘kepaksa’, skrg jdnya udah terlatih dengan sendirinya untuk yg dikit-dikit tanya sama Tuhan, “Lord, what is Your will for this kind of situation?”.

Karena tantangan yang ada semakin besar, rasa ketergantungan pada Tuhan itu juga makin bertambah dengan sendirinya.

Besides learning to be more dependance to Him, yg pasti dlm hal ketergantungan itu jg melibatkan FAITH. How we can count to a person if we don’t trust him/her? How can we trust his/her words if we didn’t know him/her well?

Maka itu walau selama jalaninnya juga kadang msh yg bertanya-tanya, “how You could make me go through it all?”, but unconciously He is shaping my heart loh… I believe now that I have realized about this truth is also because of the revelation from His Holy Spirit too…

 

Ikut Tuhan itu emang deg-degan, suka dibikin penasaran hehehe…, kadang deg-degannya sambil seneng, excited nunggu apa yah yg bakal Tuhan kerjaiin, kadang jg deg-degannya yg sambil harap-harap cemas, “bnr ga yah firmanNya yg blg His help is always present in time of need, bnr ga yah firmanNya yg blg segalanya akan indah tepat pd waktuNya” etc etc…

But reminders for me: stop trying to figure things out. Instead, lean on God.

Just keep doing what God has told me to do, keep obeying His commands, FEAR NOT. God never fails me and He won’t.

Just relax, He is Jehovah Jireh, “The Lord will provide!” (Genesis 22:14).

Mazmur 37:5-6

“Serahkanlah hidupmu kepada Tuhan dan percayalah kepadaNya, maka Ia akan bertindak:

Ia akan memunculkan kebenaranmu spt terang, dan hakmu spt siang”

 

Aminnn…

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