Since yesterday I’m not feeling well and today I only work half day. I’ve gone to the doctor, took the medicines and they really make me drowsy so I slept very early today. But then my bro and his wife wake me up, they come to visit my room and ask me what happen and what the doctor said, after explaining and chatting to them for few more minutes, I can’t go back to sleep when I decided to. A lot of things come into my mind.
I decide to go up from my bed, reach my Bible and read Psalm 136 as my devotional tonight. As I read it over I can’t hold the feeling of being loved in my heart. I am in awe of His love. Just now when I can’t go back to sleep, one of my thoughts was how I am such not a perfect person yet He loves me so much.
I wonder why a lot of people can’t just simply see His love and put their trust in Him instead of being skeptical, thinking that God is only playing with people’s life (‘mentang2 Dia Tuhan’)… While my focus isn’t trying to find the answer for them, I am just so grateful that I am not the type of person who asks God a lot of questions, at least not questions such as “if You do really exists, why there are still many people suffering in this world”.
At some times I still ask God questions and there is doubt in some of them, but they just aren’t “typical questions and the like” I mention at the above.
I am just grateful that my mind isn’t as “complicated” as some people are. You can call me lazy, but I’m just not interested to dive in trying to find answers for questions that I personally think are beyond human’s mind and wisdom. When I am faced with certain doctrines, I’m not interested to find out how we should be according to that doctrines. I am not interested with doctrines, I’m interested with the Truth, He is Himself the Truth. I am just in love with the God I worship, Jesus Christ, and I find that is enough and satisfying beyond my need and imagination.
So, as my mind was trying to ‘chew’ how deep His love is, I read those verses in Psalm 136, about His enduring love. Emang yg drtd pikirannya udah kagum knp Tuhan bs yg begitu sayangnya sama aku, ditambah stlh baca itu jd lebih kagum lagi sampe gatau mau ngmg apalg… Apalagi pas buka Facebook and liat di salah satu ‘Page’-nya, ada tulisan begini:
You may not know me,
but I know everything about you.
I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
I am familiar with all your ways
I cannot hold my tear… My heart feels like it wants to explode… I scream thank You many times in my heart, and He only says to me “Don’t be afraid, I know you, you can trust Me“… Tears can only flow to my face…
Tuhan aku ga deserved semua ini… but I can live with it. I can live my entire life enjoying Your love and grace, how they are more beautiful than the life itself. I am just so overwhelmed by Your love…
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good
Give thanks to the God of gods
Give thanks to the Lord of lords
to Him who alone does great wonders
who by His understanding made the heavens
who spread out the earth upon the waters
who made the great lights
the sun to govern the day
the moon and stars to govern their night
to Him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt
and brought Israel out from among them
with a mighty hand and outstrecthed arm
to Him who divides the Red Sea
and brought Israel through the midst of it
but swept Pharaoh and his army into the Red Sea
to Him who led the His people through the desert
to the One who remembered us in our low estate
and freed us from our enemies
and who gives food to every creature
Give thanks to the God of heaven
God who has worked great wonders since thousand years ago in ancient time,
is the same God who loves me as today, tomorrow, and forever.
Well, guess I can go back to my sleep again now as I have poured out what’s in my heart and mind in words 🙂