I slept last night in tears. Not because I was sad, but somehow before I closed my eyes, I could feel God was really there in my room accompanying me while I was going to sleep and would also be during my sleep! This feeling is so awesome, it still touches the deepest of my heart as I’m writing this blog… All I could say last night was I love You, Lord, and I want to experience more of You!
I may not be understand what God is doing with my phase of life at the moment… Many times than ever I felt so scared, in fear, and in doubt this year… Doubting what God can do through me… But other part of me feel so excited this morning as I realize my life will be so plain boring without God’s intervention!
Each time I feel the pressure of facing the giants, on the other side I could feel a sense of thrilling sensation in my body and in my heart with what God can do with my life!
And this morning I suddenly also realize, what I meant by ‘This year I want to be much more different than last years in my journey with God’, is I want to experience Him in a level I never have before! And it has so much to do with “obedience“! I kept asking God what does it really mean by ‘to experience more of Him’? How could it happen? How do I want it happen? Then yesterday when I walked along the cafe pathway to Melbourne Central, I felt this desire to really obey God than ever before! I felt this desire to have an unwavering faith to the extent I could do or experience many more miraculuous things in my life, simply because I believe and allow Him to do His great works through me! Not because I am able, but because I am willing to extend my capacity in Him! I feel this desire to have a greater level of intimacy with Jesus. I imagine how intimate some famous evangelist people with God, such as Benny Hinn, Billy Graham, or even Joyce Meyer (judging from their abundant experiences with God that they wrote in their books)… And if I could measure how I want my intimacy with God can be, I’d use their relationships as a benchmark.
It may sound crazy (they’re all have decades of experiences with God already), but I have this desire to also experience God as much as them starting now from my early age!
As voices such as “I Can’t”, “How Could I?”, “I’m scared”, “I Don’t Know” often get into my mind more than ever this year, I feel the need to depend on the Lord more than ever too. God truly is bringing me to a new level of faith, God is surely bringing me to a new level of experience with Himself. It may be like a rollercoaster involving many emotions, mixed feelings, and tears, but I am ready to catch the ride!
Maybe in other times I can share more about ‘facing the giants’ situations I’m facing at the moment. For now, I just want to enjoy the other side of ‘facing the giant’: I can experience more of Him, I can feel that He is truly real in my life. And I desire for more of this experience in my life so that He becomes too real in my life that I cannot deny His presence, His provision, His protection, His sovereignty in my life!
God bless you all 🙂