“Confession of a (Then) Worryaholic”

Don't waste your life by worrying!

I have to confess about something……… which is:

I get easily worried these days!

(you’d thought it’d be something worst huh… hahaha… but really, getting worry too easily is ugly especially if you let it settle down in your heart for quite some time!)

My frozen yoghurt shop will commence soon (in less than a month, FINALLY!) and things just get busier… I am very excited, of course! This is God’s favor!! Greater than my imagination!

But some part of me started to get worried too. The shop hasn’t even been opened yet many things have made me stressed out! Other than worries, some part of me also feeling scared… Other than the thought whether I’ll be able to manage the shop and business well, my concern is also about whether I will be able to ENJOY doing it!

Opening my own business is my dream, my passion, and I loveee frozen yoghurt! Yet when things later get busier and sometimes could be out of hands, would I still be able to enjoy it?

One of the worst things that I don’t want to be in my life is, doing something that I can’t enjoy!

I hate the feeling to force my steps getting to work that I don’t even love! (I enjoyed my previous work experiences, they were all God’s blessings for me, they all have enriched my life experiences in many ways, but maybe I couldn’t say that I love them…)

Other than this issue, I’m also worried about the financial thing… I use my own saving for this business and didn’t ask for a penny from my parents (of course if they decided to contribute I wouldn’t mind either hihihihi…). I understand my parents are also in need of money… and I don’t want to put them any other burden…

This is personal for me, but I think it’d be still ok to share about this in my own blog…

I’ve never thought money would become a problem for me, you know… Fortunately, I’ve been raised in a wealthy family and even until now I can say that I am not lack of anything that I need. God is so good, He has provided me a lovely place to stay, food to eat & healthy nutrition to have (I don’t have to skip any meal because I don’t afford to buy it, unlike people in some third-world countries), clothes to wear, and other blessings than the material (these are just to name a few of God’s goodness in my life)!

But during the last several months (almost a year) when I haven’t earned any money from any job (while money keeps going out for the business planning, bills, and other needs -sometimes also wants-), money has started to become a problem for me… I don’t want to burden my parents because I know my dad, in particular, have issues on his own…

I have to be really wise in using my money and saving, especially a newly-wed life will be soon arriving in my book of life! If I spent all my savings on my business, how could I still manage to buy our ‘dream apartment’ and my own car when I go back to Jakarta (those are the two primary things that come into my mind at least)….? That is to name few things that really concern me about the financial issue, other things related is better kept in confidential… 🙂

Sooo… these days all things have built up in my mind and made me stressed, switching on my Blackberry in the morning (see, the Lord still blesses me with a cool phone! ;P) and receiving many emails about things I have to do made me stressed, bills also made me stressed, plus other unnecessary things that I shouldn’t even fuss about! I have to make my BB in silence mode! (it helps :P) In Indo language, I may be just ‘senyoan’ 😛

Then this afternoon when I receive another unexpected news about increase in the budget, ‘strangely/funnily’ my reaction is just “happy-go-lucky”!! Of course, I still think of ‘how about the saving that I supposed to use for buying the apartment?!’, but then a voice in my heart said, “That is later. God will provide it later. Just focus on now

WOWWW!

Did my heart say that out of desperation (que sera sera), or out of faith???

Yet it brings peace in my heart!

And as I took a walk by myself this evening, a voice in my heart again said, “Why do you have to worry for your life? You don’t own your life, God owns it. Do you think that God will not also sustain it?”

Lord, I believe it is Your Holy Spirit who’s spoken to my heart…! I don’t want to live my life in worry! I want to live by faith, not by sight!

You’re the One who ‘proposed’ this business for me (seriously the opportunity just came out of nowhere and He has broken down so many impossibilities until I was made sure that this is truly God’s will!), You’re also the One who will provide and equip me!

You’re the One who also ‘proposed’ another wonderful plan (a marriage life) into my life, I believe You also take control of every details of it!! And if it’s Your will for me and my bf to go back to Indo, all the material things we need to begin our new life there is nothing compared to Your riches and glory!

Oh God, I know this is all to enlarge my faith, because You have more blessings in store for me! You need to prepare my faith to claim even greater miracles from You!

Now this devotional I received two days ago from The Vine “Stop Worrying About It!” http://www.thevine.co.nz/word/archive/2010/03/17 ‘make sense’ to me! God’s been trying to speak to me that it is true, no point of being worry when I have  a great God, the Owner of my life!!

You’re welcome to click the link and read it for yourselves 🙂

Friends, please pray for me, more than my financial need, for my faith to grow strong in the Lord, to see His power and greatness in my life, that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens and equips me… Thank you & God bless you all 🙂

PS: I wrote the title as ‘then’ because I don’t want any longer to be a worryaholic! 😉

My God is my Provider 🙂
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