Last night before I slept the Lord spoke to me this, verses that I got from the sermon I heard in the previous hours:
“If anyone comes to Me, he must hate.. even his own life. Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be My disciples” – Luke 14:26,33 <NIV>
“Any of you who does not forsake (renounce, surrender claim to, give up, say good-bye to) all that he has cannot be My disciple” <AMP>
The Message’s translation said this for the verse 33, “Simply put, if you’re not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, you can’t be My disciple”
He put desire in my heart to really meditate these two verses after for so long I haven’t meditated anymore straightaway verses I got from sermons once I got home unless it was necessary (and that ‘necessary’ was very much lesser compared to my early walk as Jesus-lover five years ago…)
Give up everything, Lord?
Yes, EVERYTHING, Nat… Give up your control of money, time, relationship with your loved ones, hobbies, interests… Give up YOUR LIFE…
As I’m writing this my heart’s broken… Lord, when have I stopped loving You? I mean, really loving You?
Why do I love You with the same shallow love as years gone by? Has it gotten deeper? Has it become lesser? And what’s more important, is it even called as ‘love’?
Love that is burning, love that is truly adoring You, love that is different with a simple gratitude of Your goodness… Love that enable me to give up everything into Your hands with a sincere heart? Love that put You in the highest place of my time, my money, my priorities, my plans, my loved ones?
Lord, save me… When can I love You differently? How can I know that I have loved You differently?
I don’t want to be trapped in the circle of religion… and to give it up eventually because of boredom… or to be living well but my spirit’s dying inside… to be a zombie…
Lord Jesus, help me… my heart’s broken… no matter how many commitments I’ve made they later end up with just empty words… Your ‘occasional’ touch to my heart or ‘revival’ has simply become my emotional toy in the end…
When can I truly see You as You are? as the “I Am”…?
I love You, Lord… Help me so it won’t become empty words… Help me to experience Your sweet reality…