Today I work in compiling my blog entries again after it got postponed for many months due to I got busy in setting up my business as well as decreasing motivation (my bad). During the hours doing it, I got amazed again by God’s faithfulness troughout the years, especially during my hardest year in 2007. This is one of reasons I have to finish writing and compiling this book because I really have to share God’s goodness to others! O Lord, please give me Your passion for the souls and in writing, finishing what I have started…
Yesterday I also read again my earliest journal that I wrote back in the month of September last year. I was still very confused whether I should go back for good to Indo (on December at that time). I felt heavy to let go what I have possessed here in Melbourne. The apartment, the comfort of my boyfriend’s car and secure job, the church and friends. My life in Melbourne has become my comfort zone, and soon it is time for God to, once again, ask me to leave that zone…
I’ll be going back to Indo next month, this time together with my fiancee (yes, we have been “officialy” engaged on May 8th 2010, praise the Lord! 🙂 ).
I wrote back in September, although a part of me missing Indo and felt God has another purpose for me there, I felt heavy to let go what I have had here, the comfortable life. I said to God, if He did want me to go back to Indo, He must have provided a greater purpose so I would dare to say “Yes” in leaving my comfortable life behind in Melbourne.
When it became clearer that we’ll be going back next month (through natural process and reasons, no supernatural vision or voice that told me to go back on July 29 2010), I only asked God His presence will always go with us, just like what Moses asked God in Exodus 33. There is nothing to fear as long as the Lord is with me.
Then I felt sad when Adi finally sold his car two weeks ago, I almost cried. Not because now I have to take trams and trains (just like I used to for years when I was still single), but because of all the memories we had with the car. We had our fights in it, tears, but mostly joy and laugh that we shared either together or with our friends at the backseat. Why am I so attached? It’s only a car, right?! Well, I don’t know… Maybe I’m just too melancholic.
And today is also Adi’s last day at his workplace. I felt sad this afternoon. He had been working there for the last three years. Why was I sad? It wasn’t even my job. It wasn’t my own car.
Could it be because of the ‘losing’ feeling…?
However, I understand in order to pursue God’s purpose and fulfillment of His plan in our live, we have to forgo some things in order to walk align with His will. It isn’t a scarifice, it is a way to reach the fulfillment of His plan. A way to receive God’s even greater plan and blessings.
I am excited to start a new journey again in Indo. We still don’t know what we should do, which job we have to apply, what kind of business we want to set up and how. Yet looking back what God has done in my life, I know He has prepared a way.
The same question was also in my mind when I went back to Indo in 2008, God provided me a job as a copywriter in a good company. The dream that I have had for years, God made it true this year – having my own business, in Melbourne.
What is impossible for Him? Nothing.
I just question myself, when everything has settled in Indo and we have felt comfortable once again, will God ask us again to go somewhere (back to Melbourne)? Or giving us ‘new task’ in Indo or even other country? We don’t know.
I just believe that wherever God sends us, His provision never fails. Whatever task He asks us to do, His grace never fails.
Right now I just want to focus on wanting to know more of Him, the real Jesus Christ. No worries or fear. I believe God will take care of my outer needs.
Thank You Lord, I can’t wait for Winter Camp tomorrow! I’ve prayed I don’t want any emotional play, I just want Him! I just want to grab and experience the reality of Him! Things that will have an everlasting impact, a life-changing one, not a magical one day of change only, but to add the beauty of my walk with Jesus for years and years to come!