My blog in WordPress is equipped with a tool that allows me to see keywords that people typed that could lead them unintentionally to my blog, and just now I see one person typed this: “my faith is weak and I feel God’s not listening”. It’s funny because that is what I’m also feeling at the moment!
I don’t know which of my blog entries that he/she finally read that is related with the keywords, but I pray may Holy Spirit help him/her to stand up strong once again and not giving up; the same prayer that I pray for myself at the moment…
I found a prayer journal that I had written way back in 2007-2008.. I see many prayers still go unanswered, especially for breakthrough in my family… Many things in my family lately that also troubled me… I was angry toward my parents… I am really disappointed with the way they behave and nurture this family…
Then to be honest, days ago I felt disappointed with God deep inside my heart… I felt He didn’t answer my prayer on time, and He remained ‘silent’ for too long when I needed a fast answer to make a decision asap… I still believe in my heart that He is a faithful God, a God who will give me hope for my future, not plans to harm me… But I couldn’t help myself for not having the wrong assumption toward God as I described above…
I long for the time when I don’t have to be disappointed with any things that my parents do to me and my life. Time to rejoice AT ALL TIMES, irrespective whether their act and decision favourable or not favourable toward me…
I’m waiting for God’s deliverance… I’m waiting for a day of revelation… Things surround me may not change, but I’m willing for God to open my eyes and change my heart, giving me a new heart to face these troubles… I’m willing to breathe easily again…
“Does not man have hard service on earth? Are not his days like those of a hired man?
Like a slave longing for the evening shadows, or a hired man waiting eagerly for his wages,
so I have been allotted months of futility, and nights of misery have been assigned for me.
What is man that You make so much of him, that You give him so much attention,
that You examine him every morning and test him every moment?
Will You never look away from me, or let me alone for an instant?
If I have sinned, what have I done to You, O Watcher of men?
Why have You made me Your target? Have I become a burden to You?
Why do You not pardon my offences and forgive my sins?
For I shall soon lie down in the dust, You will search for me, but I shall be no more”
Job 7:1-3, 17-21