I haven’t got through the fear completely, I have to admit… Because I haven’t found the real solution to the problem I’m having now, and this problem is one I’ve never experienced before.. It involves M.O.N.E.Y…
To be honest, all other problems I had before never produced fear as much as this one… Have you experienced one?
I should’ve known taking risk to open up my own business will involve this kind of thing, and I wasn’t prepared..
I was disappointed with ‘failures’ I have, and I sort of blaming God. I prayed before I made the move, and I thought things would go smoothly, but the reality turned out different… I was naïve, huh… But that’s really the truth of my feeling atm… It takes courage to finally confess this disappointment here, now…
I’m reading John Ortbeg ‘If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out Of the Boat’. The main theme is when Peter had to walk on water, out of his boat, to come to Jesus when there were big storm crashing his boat. First of all, a question came to my mind. I may not be brave enough to ask any question for the human who’s walking on the water approaching my boat, or even to engage in a conversation with Him…
Getting hit by a big storm at 3 A.M is very scary already, let alone seeing somebody walk ON the water coming to my way! (And I guess I’m not alone, the other 11 disciples were also scared, thinking the water-walker was a ghost!)
But what make Peter dare himself to say to Jesus, “If it is You, command me to come to you on the water”?
That is the first thought to ponder.
Second, I was thinking, I’d prefer to stay in the boat and let the man went pass by. Why was Peter brave enough to go out of the boat?
I had always dreamed to live a life differently since I was in high school. I had always known that ‘life isn’t just like this, there is more’. But then I’ve felt the heavy burden of taking the risk, the struggle I face after I got out of my boat (my comfort zone), and I am so afraid, really afraid now facing the consequences.
Maybe that’s why in this scene, I picture myself to rather stay in the boat unlike Peter. If you question me years ago (or even last year before I face the reality of major struggle like I’m having now), I might say, “Yes! I would do like what Peter did! I would ‘challenge’ the water-walker, I would get out of my boat and experienced a new adventure walking on water!”
That passion is now gone… I haven’t got back enough courage…
Well, for now this is what I can share… I still haven’t got the answers that are personal to my questions at above. Please pray for me, readers… I don’t know what’s the solution to my problem yet… It looks like a dead-end… For now I really depend on God’s mercy and faithfulness, praying for new hope every morning I wake up. He is still good, and always good, in the midst of my problems He still gives me many reasons to smile and laugh. I know He will provide a way out, in His time, in His creative way.
Nitey Nite! God bless you all