Today is amazing – amazingly emotionally tiring! In fact, today is the first time I cried because I couldn’t bear with Aimee’s naughtiness 😦
Aimee is a loveable kid, and as her mother, indeed I love her so much. She is very smart and cute, and (or could also be a ‘but‘) a super active kid, really. When my parents were here for five days, my mom said even if she got paid 20 millions (in Rupiah) to taking care of Aimee, she wouldn’t take it (hahaha…), and that went for her super-activeness. She rarely sits calm for more than 5-10 minutes, always has something to play around with, even things that may endanger her. Sometimes I envy those kids who can stay calm and quiet. Before Aimee turned one, she has walked. By now (15 months) she runs in mall, in house, in church, especially when she meets other kids too. In party, she ran happily being chasing by a boy aged five years old plus she likes to climb almost anything higher than her…phewww. One of her favourite games (that I don’t like), she would climb the sofa and purposely make herself fall on to it, then she would give me a big giggle. I love the giggle, but not the reason obviously.
I love her being an energetic lil kid, but you know, sometimes you just don’t desire your kid to be so energetic. Especially in particular times when you have other more important things to do and you can hardly divide your focus between doing your other housewife tasks and watching after her. I personally don’t like to leave home unattended and messy, I like it to be clean when my hubby arrives home. It’d be easy if I could just taking care of her, but I have other important jobs and chores to do as well.
So today Aimee has her tantrum since in the morning -she didn’t let me doing anything else other than carrying her around- and the emotional peak was when I let her played with a jar filled with colorful clips when I did the dishes, without expecting that she would be interested more in playing with the jar rather than with the clips, and in 5 minutes she broke it in pieces!! Arrrrghhhhh (my fault to let her play with the jar, I know, I really thought she would be more interested playing with the colorful clips!)
So when she sobbed because I was angry to her, then within minutes I sobbed too… (before then both of us fallen asleep haha..)
I remember when I was still pregnant, my cousin wrote me a card that one of her prayers was for me “to love Aimee as who she is“. Even when I was still pregnant I know it’d be not easy, as how much Aimee can be such a loveable kid, there must be some things that just don’t go as my wish or plan, and she’s not a robot. I am also not the one who created her, God did.
I sobbed because I remember what my cousin wrote, and I felt sad because I could not accept her yet being an “extraordinarily energetic kid” (as my cousin also refers to Aimee). I wish she could be just a little bit calm down. I always said in my heart, “it’s better to watch Aimee being that energetic rather than seeing her laying down on bed because of being unwell”, it breaks my heart more when she was unwell. But, there are just some times that I wish her to just be calm (and not because she’s being unwell…) Hope you can understand what I mean…
Well, I write this not to complaining, but to just share especially if there are moms who have similar trial with me. Experiences that basically need us to be super extra gentle and patience when facing our kids. I believe many may even have more ‘extraordinary struggles’, and I give them salutation and prayer that they (we) may find our strength in Christ alone.
“Lord, this is just the third day of a new year and I have already been behaving like this!?”, I said to myself in disappointment.
But then I heard a small voice saying, “This is exactly the third day of a new year and you still have plenty of time and opportunity to becoming a stronger mother!”
That’s the Holy Spirit, He always says positive things, doesn’t He… :’)
Well, to end this with, I quote what Jill Savage in her book “Real Moms… Real Jesus – Meet the Friend Who Understands” wrote (many thanks to my other cousin who bought this book to me, this book really is a blessing for me -I’m blessed having these two beloved cousins called as “sweet peas” :P)
“Once we know God as our Savior, we begin a lifelong journey to make Him our Lord. The goal of that journey is to become more Christlike everday. There are several area of my life in which I’ve been able to easily move aside while Christ takes over in the driver’s seat. I’ve been able to die to my flesh without too much battle. But this particular trait of being compassionate and tender and having a gentle spirit will most likely be a lifelong expedition for me“
This, is exactly what I feel as well. This particular fruit of Spirit –patience and gentleness– is the hardest I can bear much fruit in my life since I was born again in Christ. Now I’ve just come to realize as I’m writing this, that throughout all my life circumstances, God always use them to prune more fruits in these particular areas; from my family and parents situation, workplace, relationships, to even facing bad customer service or some persons cutting the queue in front of me, and now parenting!
I could still take a long time to write further about this thing, but well, it has been an hour I’m hiding in my ‘secret chamber’ writing my blog while Aimee’s with my hubby. And you know what?
I miss her already.
Oh well……… In the end of the day, it’s all good. With all the sob and tears, they’re all good. Because God is always with me and this little family. Please Lord, grant me Your divine patience and gentleness…