People often ask me especially those who are still single or married yet haven’t planned to have kids in near time, “how do you feel to be a mother?“, and usually I’d reply in a single word “GREAT!” or sometimes to be more elaborate I’d say “great – although there are times where I am super exhausted, physically and emotionally tired especially when Aimee gets cranky”. Yet, yesterday when I read an article titled “Honesty is the Best Policy” by Kerri Sackville from Practical Parenting magazine March edition, she kinda helped me in representing it more precisely how it does really feel to be like a mother:
“Ultimately parenthood is like a roller-coaster ride. We go up, we go down, we go round and round, and we can even sometimes go upside down…”
It’s so true! Sometimes I’d like to tell the world how crazy I love Aimee, yet in other ‘down’ times, I can’t wait to escape by myself just to calm down (or to scream in stress). Aren’t we all mothers experience the same?
Kerri suspected any mom who never complain about their kid(s) is simply not being honest. She had a friend like this, having twin boys yet always ‘manage to pull up things together all the time’ and eventually as the months and years went by, the friendship grew apart. She said not because she resented her friend’s ease of passage through motherhood, but because her friend simply wasn’t being honest with her.
She said, “Everybody finds motherhood challenging, at least some of the time. Hell, everybody finds life challenging some of the time. I knew how hard having one baby could be, so surely having two babies was exhausting! But my friend couldn’t share them with anyone. It was important to her to show the world how beautifully she was coping, how easy she found it all. And when ‘the world’ included me, it spelled the death of our relationship”
At first after I read it, I thought of how Kerri might be selfish, it was like she was expecting her friend to complain or be catched in a sort of stress or depression and couldn’t be just content and happy seeing how her friend seemed to cope well with motherhood’s life. But then I ask myself this:
“Is there any kid who does not cost a single wail, whine, trouble to his/her mother -not a zip, not at all- from the newborn until they’ve grown up?”
Let me know if there is!
Let me also know:
“Is there any mom out there who “never owned up to a dark day, never for a second acknowledged how hard motherhood could be”?
Reply by comment if you know one otherwise I suppose the answer is simply: NONE 🙂
So, hereafter I agree with what Kerri was opinionated in her article, that her friend was simply not being honest with her and she “can’t keep confiding in a friend if they don’t confide in you”
Like every other aspect of motherhood, and of life, our friendships with other parents are about balance. We need to be able to share each other’s challenges and struggles, but we also need to be able to celebrate each other’s successes and joys, as Kerri continued to write.
I end up really like the article, so that’s why I’m sharing it here, and I also dedicate this to some of my “true mom friends” who their existence in my life will always be celebrated, praised, and givethanked for. Thanks for being honest with me, thanks for sharing your challenges as well as your joys, even merely through Whatsapps or Blackberry messages due to our distance, I can truly feel and see you are all God’s sent.… :’)