“This post is particular for all singles” – red *wink* 😛
Although I am a married mom, I’m still open to hear any single’s sharing about their love life 🙂 Not because I am a relationship expert (far way from that haha..), but I just like to share what I’ve experienced and hoping that my sharing and testimonies can be real examples that truly God will always give you the best companion, IF, you really faithfully seek for His guidance and advise. I put the earlier ‘if’ in italic, bold, and capital haha.. becauseeee… I find many people (especially of course if they have been a born-again Christian) do have sincere desire to find (or wait) for the best from God, but only very few are willing to take the cost or make some ‘sacrifices’.
Waiting the best from the God is not an easy journey. After I broke up with my then boyfriend in 2004, it actually led me to come to church and know Christ personally for the first time in 2005. I myself had to wait for 4 years before I finally met my now husband. It was a long journey and did I get tired of ‘waiting’? You bet YES I was! At times I did really enjoy my singleness as I pursued my calling in God and mission, but I could not deny sometimes I did feel alone and lonely and wanted someone to love and be loved when I was still single. Had I started to think or doubt would I really ever find the one? Yes I had! So if you also feel the same ways like I was, nothing’s wrong with you, it is normal for every human being.
Yet as my journey continued as a single, what I received was an even stronger conviction from God, that I would not settle for ‘second best’, that ‘merely feeling/chemistry is not strong enough, I need a much stronger glue for my marriage, I need a man with same vision and mission in God and who is mature (or more) in his personal walk with God’, and that I would be faithful until the time He gave me the best anointed man (I used to refer my future spouse as ‘the anointed man’ :P). These all I had to thank Holy Spirit who had put these convictions in my heart as I continued to seek His heart. These kind of convictions cannot be created by mere human mind, they are just born from the fresh revelation from the Holy Spirit (you will get it if you continue to seek His heart and obey His words).
Of course there were some naïve thoughts in my mind during that time, some thoughts that later God revealed and corrected. For example, I used to strongly believe that when I met ‘the one’, there would be a hunch in my heart saying that ‘yep, he’s the one!!’ or even better an audible voice of Holy Spirit saying ‘THAT would be the man you marry!’ hahaha… I still remember my good male friends advising that I still needed to make a CHOICE. But my stubborn me would not listen because I just relied heavily on God’s supernatural sign if there was any, so I wouldn’t have to undergo the hard process of ‘choosing and deciding’ (nothing’s wrong in that kind of ‘faith’ too, indeed many people have had experienced those things that I wanted, but the point is still ‘let God does the way He does’ :P)
That kind of conviction was what brought me into a longer journey I suppose. Had I only prioritize my feeling or chemistry, my waiting period would be less shorter I guess, but I also would never know what would happen if I was not to be with my now-husband….
So earlier when I said not many who actually want to take the cost and make sacrifices, the cost and sacrifice can be in the forms of you have to bear the loneliness and at times you just want to shout out saying you cannot stand it anymore, you have to fight the feeling of jealous and envy, perhaps, toward your friends who’ve got bf/gf and seem having much more interesting things to do. What other fleshly feeling that you have to undergo? Self-pity, rejection, unworthy? They are surely not comfortable to your flesh, the struggle itself have made you go weary.
Or maybe others have to pay the cost in the form of having other people ridicule or underestimate their effort and belief in finding or waiting the best from God?
But after what I have been through until this far, I must say that if it is important to you, it is also important to God. If finding or waiting the best godly man/woman from God is very much important to you, than it is also very much important to Him! God is working behind the curtain preparing and molding you and your future spouse until the time He allows you two to meet each other. Never hurry God’s timing.
“I’ve fallen in love with this guy/girl already, he/she is very nice, we have a lot of common interests to share with”
That’s great! I believe marriage needs chemistry, attraction, and capability to share common interests (you will spend your lifetime with him/her, you REALLY need these attributes. How can you spend your life and be awaken every morning besides someone whose face you’re not even fond of?! :P)
But will you take God into the process of deciding? Is God’s opinion about this relationship important to you?
Will you be like a little child when deciding which toy to buy for Christmas gift, you would grab the hand of your Dad telling him that although you have been favorable toward a specific one (and you have your own pocket money meaning you have had the power to buy), your Dad’s opinion still very much matters, so much important that you let him decide for you, trusting him that he has a much better knowledge, judgment, and observation for which one is the best for you.
Caution: Letting God decide for you will sometimes take longer time than you expected. Will you still be patient and faithful waiting for His clear answer and direction? Or will you ‘give up’ along the way and go with your own judgment, thinking (and sometimes be deceived) that if God did not clearly say ‘yes’ meaning I can just go with it…?
Galatians 3:3 “Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh?”
While waiting for your dad’s answer whether you should buy the toy you like only to find out later that the toy was bought by someone else, then, let it be. Surely there will be regret, but for me personally it is better rather than purchase it without the consent of my dad!
Don’t also buy toys just because they are in sale or major discount.
Well, I know the metaphor of ‘buying toys’ is nothing compared with ‘deciding your future spouse’ haha.. but at least that’s the quickest example I could think of (given only short time writing this while Aimee’s having her nap lol).
In the end I understand I cannot enforce my conviction to anyone, including to those sweet friends who share with me about their single life stories in deciding ‘the one’. Like I said before, it cannot be created, it is only by the work of Holy Spirit as you continue to seek what pleases His heart (rather than your own). I also understand the variety and degree of complexion they have in their own journey, so there is no single ‘rule’ in deciding which one is ‘the one’. I usually say in the end, for them to pray and have the answer from God Himself. Be patient and faithful in waiting for the answer. And meanwhile, try to focus on other aspects of your life e.g. fulfilling your mission from God, using God’s given talent to its fullest potential, etc.
Finding spouse is important, but I believe these other aspects are much more important because it focuses on God and His personality. The rest follows.
Matthew 6:33 “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well”
Yes, godly man or woman is included in ‘all these things’ 🙂
Courtship and marriage will have their own challenges, so don’t forget to enjoy your ‘now’, journey with God is always a pleasant one, doesn’t matter in which phase of life you are in 🙂
ps: I’m writing this with some dear particular persons in my mind, my prayer that the Holy Spirit will give you desire and passion to seek His heart and His words in the Bible. As one by one God’s fresh revelations be unfolded to you, your heart (and your future spouse’s heart) are prepared ‘behind the curtain’. In God’s perfect and wonderful time, He shall allow you two to meet. Don’t hurry God’s timing. Just enjoy HIM, and may you be delighted by Him alone, in Jesus name, amen 🙂