The advantage of having my own blog: I can write whatever I want or what I think, including to vent my negative feelings like this one: motherhood’s making me tired!
I’ve always said that my motherhood days are not always sunny and cheery feely and today (and lately) is one of those days. Those of you who are stay-at-home moms must relate well while those who are still single perhaps try to imagine how tiring a motherhood can be other than “working day and night 24/7 with no day off” (not even on Christmas, not even on birthday). Believe me, feeling tired working at office is none compared with handling a young kid where there is no remote control provided from the manufacturer (*smile*)
Before I become a mom nobody told me the sacrifice I would have to make will be this big.. this HUGE. Sacrifice is a nature being a mom, yet today I wish I’d have a pause button just to sit still for couple of hours without having to make ‘constant sacrifice of body and soul to another being, the unrelenting subjugation of your desires to another’s needs‘ (I copy this from an article “Why Stay-at-Home Moms are More Depressed than Working Moms“, this sentence describe very well the tiredness I’m having now!)
I cry out to God telling Him I don’t think I can make a further sacrifice especially when my own self is not willing. Too tired and the amount of rest I have is just not enough (yet) to carry off the heavy load off my shoulder and back…
Then the author of that article which the link I posted above also wrote this:
“As a Christian who is deeply invested in becoming more Christ-like, I can connect the parenting struggles I face as a stay-at-home mom to the ongoing work of sanctification that God is doing in my life.
God can use the frustrating, dehumanizing aspects of being home with our kids full time to mold us in to more loving, more patient, more compassionate, more Christ-like women.
Although this character building mindset doesn’t erase the difficulties of being a stay-at-home mom, it does imbue them with a quiet, sustaining HOPE.
Most days, that’s enough for me”
I totally get it that greatest tools God’s been using to shape my characters are MOTHERHOOD and MARRIAGE. Both of them have its own distinct bitter sweet. And how many times I cry out telling God “I’m tired”, “I can’t do this anymore, I’m powerless, I’m hopeless” and lots more sentences characterizing my struggles and focusing on my own limitations.
I am impatience in nature. Very easy to become angry in nature. And wow guess until what extent these two biggest part in my life play out their role in shaping my holiness…!
I’m not telling that Aimee is a difficult child. She is a wonderful child, a sweet and fun loving kid which I cherish most. The fact that she often stress me is not that she is difficult. Just because she is different to me. She has different wants and needs at her own time and ways. Similarly with my husband.
How hard is it to make some adaptations and changes and sacrifice to accommodate to those differences?
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others”
Just don’t know where can I regain my strength every time other than from the grace of God…
Oh well, I know, just like any other those tiring and stressful and frustrated days I’ve undergone through, this day too shall pass by the grace of my Lord. It’s just this blog can be all about honesty (second level after my own private personal diary book haha..) that all the posts I’m writing aren’t always about happy days in life. Because this blog isn’t written by a robot 😛
I’m glad even after I’m writing this and finding the verse from the Bible has refreshed me a bit (hoping it’s enough until dinner feeding time then perhaps I shall cry out again to God depending on Aimee’s appetite pheww..) 🙂
Anyway I find a very good article here which I can relate very well too, and I’m glad for those articles written by honest godly mom which in the end at least can put a little smile and a sense of relieve that I guess I am not alone (this article made me laugh though, the mom’s funny) 😉
Thank You Lord. I’m tired and with all other unfinished problems yet Your grace is always available for me.