Sometimes students in the midst of giving their fullest focus and energy to fulfill their abundant homework and tests might ask themselves, why am I studying this hard? What am I aiming? What do I really want as I grow up?
I think nowadays I may have asked similar questions to myself in the midst of many challenges in following Jesus faithfully. What is the real reason I’m following Him? What am I aiming?
I used to pray often for me to be able to see like what Paul sees, but now I’m not really sure if I’m willing to pay the cost. Oh yes, about the cost, I’ve just naively realized it recently. There must be a price to pay. Commitment, sacrifice, denying self. I’m just not sure whether I want to, although I know I need it.
I come to realize that I rely on God so much more for my (comfortable) life on earth, rather than relying on Him for my salvation and secured place in heaven with Him.
Yes, I am grateful for my salvation, granted by grace through faith in Jesus. But because my mind still perceive it as an intangible thing, I am more grateful if God could make my life easier on this earth by tangible things I can see or touch.
I don’t know how to escape from these thoughts and ever discover my true faith in God. I don’t know if you get what I mean…
I’m just gonna keep this post short, then, and keep the rest of the words inside my head while praying I’d know the answer soon.