Last night before slept Aimee asked me if one day she’d become a mother (🤔😆). I asked her whether she wanted to. She said “it’s so hard, mum has hard works to do” 😂
And this morning when I was vacuuming she asked me again, “do you like to be a mum?”. (Obviously) I replied yes lol. Then I said “because God has already given you two for me”.
We definitely will have a good amount of time of mother daughter conversation discussing this role.
This morning I also read genealogy of Jesus Christ from Matthew. Reading the footnotes written by John MacArthur I gain more understanding.
It is unusual for women to be named in genealogies. Yet Matthew named 5 of them; Tamar (a Canaanite woman who posed as prostitute to seduce Judah), Rahab (a gentile and prostitute), Ruth (a Moabite woman), Bathsheba (who committed adultery with David), and Mary (who bore a stigma of pregnancy outside of wedlock).
Now aren’t the name of women written in the Bible supposed to be those who are noble, came from the purest line of the Israelites and honorable family?
And yet here I find all is flawed, imperfect, incapable, weak.
Just like many, countless times I feel the same way as a person and as a mother.
And yet God CHOSE them, He LOVED them, He gave them honorable roles – purely by His mercy.
Truly this is the greatest love we could find on earth, in Him who values our weaknesses not more than our “strengths”. Praise the Lord for this is the kind of God I worship!
May You continue to work through my weaknesses so my children can see more of You through the cracks,
may You empower me to keep serving my children and family with the kind of love You fuel me,
and when I am tired may Your grace and assurance comfort me that my journey belongs to You,
therefore I am NEVER alone.
2 Corinthians 4:7
“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us”
This morning I try to wake up earlier and tiptoe quietly out from my room; I just want to make a cup of coffee, sit down and read my Bible in the quietness (which is rare since I have Arielle, sleeping has become precious commodity 😝).
Then I heard this whisper, “Mummy, can I wake up and go with you?”, oh well, the eldest caught me in the act! 😅 I thought why not with this time, we could enjoy the early morning just the two of us. So we woke up together, I made my coffee, sat down and opened my bible while Aimee was next to me having her breakfast. Then I remembered I once sketched the “weapon of God” from Ephesians 6 on my bible just to help me in memorising, and I felt like I wanted to share the Words with Aimee. In a second she straightaway replied with her excited face, “I know it! I also have it from Sunday school!”. She went back to her room and there it was her own version of “Armor of God” 👆🏻 haha.
We spent good minutes sharing the word of God, and moment after she goes to school, I have a warm affirmation in my heart about this morning’s encounter and I thank His Spirit for the opportunity.
I am not always aware or willing enough to share about God’s words in the midst of life routines and hectic schedule, so wherever we have the opportunity I fully realize and give the honor to the Holy Spirit who have guided, inspired, and given me the wisdom I need.
I feel His Spirit reaffirming me, that the privilege and honor to share the words of God to our children do not belong to the Sunday school teachers (or school teachers if they go to Christians school) no matter how awesome the jobs they do, but they belong foremostly to the MOTHERS/PARENTS.
God is glorified at the heart of the home where the name of Jesus is a part of daily life and naturally spoken out and shared with the whole family members.
“Nothing is more important in your life than being one of God’s tools to form a human soul” (Paul Tripp), and with this great task we have Him and His grace with us!
Thanks for reading this mumma’s story! 🙂
5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
I still remember how I didn't really know what was my life for even as I entered my early adulthood years… noone prayed or guided me in finding the answer to that big question "what is the purpose of my life?". Thankfully, God's grace found me, and through His series of orchestrated scenarios, I finally found the true calling and the meaning of my life now (find on my blog on the header, one of the pages "My Moment of Truth" to read more of my early journey in finding Christ personally).
I desire to be that person I missed in my own life; a mother who faithfully prays for my daughter. It's not an easy answer and everyone has an unique calling. I believe she will find hers in God's perfect timing. Until then, and forever, I want to pray for you my little darling. For your life, talents and gifts be used for God's glory and blessings to others. I pray may the Lord equip me and your father to nurture, train, and to give learning experiences and opportunities you need. I pray may the gifts and talents You placed in her life be released to find their fullest expression in glorifying You.
We’ve been back from our month long holiday, life with its all routines has gone back to places. Some has changed; I’m talking in particular with Arielle, who has just turned 9 months old. She has started crawling actively, pulling herself up and standing and back to sitting position less wobbly, pulling drawers in and out (my first experience putting on the safety guards for the drawers turned out to be pretty much an accomplishment to myself as a mother lol – I didn’t use any of these safety guards when I was with Aimee); my little trinkets aren’t that safe anymore ~ welcome to the new phase with a crawler baby at home!
Not forgetting to mention, she becomes more clingy too. I guess (I HOPE) this is just a temporary phase that soon will come back to “normal” again, and maybe mostly caused by the frequency we had to carry her more often during our holiday (you see, the perks of coming back to our own lovely #homesweethome is we get to enjoy clean floor again – one which is really up to my standard! I am not a total clean freak, but yes I like to keep my home clean and free from hoarded stuffs lol).
Oh, and her cries and screams become louder too *sigh* *lol* (but I’ve got myself used to the higher pitch her sister has so this one isn’t that threatening, perhaps haha).
While with baby number two I am more demanded to excel in “physical fitness” lol, maybe not so much anymore with my first daughter (turning 6 years old in September!!). With her I am “forced” more often to get down on my knees and pray asking for wisdom, even for the simplest task like assisting and keeping her up to her premier’s reading challenge this year. All these new things I get to experience with a prep student is fun and exciting, but because they are also “new”, I lean on closer to my Father in Heaven. Why? Because I know I won’t be able to do it all without His strength, His wisdom, and His grace. Of course, I can ask advices from my friends with older kids, I can read some practical tips from magazines/internet; but I still firstly trust in the One who has assigned me this calling as a mother.
Well, they are about my kids. Then the rest of my other life roles as a wife, as a homemaker, as a handmaker, as an artist, as a friend, as a minister, as an intercessor, as a daughter – and much much more. I admit I don’t have all the time to do this equally “good”. I am torn between many responsibilities, I have to prioritize some roles above others, and contribute more hours according to my life focus.
Eg. at the moment I’m still not ready yet to get back to my business life. I haven’t got back to any painting yet, my mind is cluttered. I need to ask the Lord once again for the purpose and direction. Meanwhile, I know that my family and kids are my number one priority with my time at the moment, and life as a mother of two hasn’t been any better. My kids grow up so fast, this isn’t a secret anymore and I don’t want this phrase to catch me off guard one day in the future and leave me with any “I wish”.
While my mind was racing with these kind of thoughts (in between talking to my own self and praying to Him on the other), one still small voice whispered in my heart, “worship Me, and all the other things will fall at its places accordingly“.
His Spirit reminded me to not get caught in life busyness, that I forgot to sit down at His feet and just enjoying His presence.
Take one part, the best part, and do it heartily.
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
In the midst of this life busyness, let me choose “what is better”. One that will not be taken away from me.
One day when life and all its routines and responsibilities end – HE is still my portion.
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
The world can wait, yes, the world can wait.
But my soul will not.
My soul thirsts and hungers for more of You.
Soak me with Your presence.
For only in Your presence I can see what is true, precious, and noble.
It’s been a while I haven’t updated my blog at all, the reason: I had forgotten my password! Lol (perhaps you wish another fancier reason haha). I only update my blog from my mobile phone app (to save time I usually just copy paste what I write from my Instagram “online journal” with the hashtag #crunchynatsjournal along with my handlettering quote/verse of the day), and most often within minutes I’ve got distracted again to make an effort recovering my forgotten password 😅 so my apology for being MIA!
Some quick updates for now:
• Baby 👶🏻 number 2 is HERE already!
• Meaning: welcome back sleepless nights (and day!); some days are manageable, some other days are tougher than ever (at the moment I am the latter, with the bub waking up every half an hour to an hour during the day and two hours at night – I am totally exhausted #realmumlife 😅)
Becoming a mom to a newborn can be “lonely” sometimes. Those wee hours at nights when you’re breastfeeding your baby #silentnights (not as serene as that Christmas song lol) and the struggles during the day – you wish people closest to you will get to understand how much tired you are – but the reality: they don’t, and they won’t.
Inside my heart nonetheless, His Spirit reminds me His grafe is sufficient. In midst of my desperate sighs and stressful groans, the still small voice inside my heart telling me: He understands and He cares (even at times I do ask Him back, “do you really, Lord?).
All the setbacks and weaknesses are only to bring me closer to Him, to keep me on my ground pleading for His grace.
This home needs grace, this family needs grace, I need grace. I need Jesus.
Wherever you are, maybe you are not a mother, but you do feel alone sometimes, wondering if the Lord cares for you at all. If He cares why He seems didn’t do anything?
At this time my friend, only to His words we can hold on to. Words that has power to change lifes, words that will never come back in vain. Don’t trust our feelings, they are full of deceptions.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
Within this short time frame I can only leave you (and my own self) with the verse I handlettered at above #preachingtomyself
2 Cor 12:9-10
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
He who promised it is faithful, and He cares beyond our imagination.
As I’m writing one of my fave quotes from CS Lewis to be screen printed to my “welcoming baby gifts” goodie bags (am I well prepared enough? 😆 #lessthanamonthtogo), I can’t help not to think how God has been faithful leading me and my husband to arrive to this decision for having the second baby.
It wasn’t easy for us (especially me), as circumstances had not been “right yet” for us. But when I felt somehow “it might have been”, still there were so many fears, worries, and concerns overwhelmed my heart.
Yet God is so good and full of love, He gave personal confirmations for me and my husband on separate events through end of last year (you know that moment when you shared things with your spouse and he also said “me too!!” 😁 #beautyofmarriage #inChrist), and eventually the PEACE and CONFIDENCE overtook all the fears – how amazing!
And this confidence that I have, is not based on some positive thinkings that “I can do it”, but because God’s GRACE will never change in my life. Jesus Christ is the same in the past, now, and forever. He is the Alpha and the Omega.
Soon I also realized this wasn’t just a matter of our decision to parent this baby, but it is God’s personal CALLING for me. Just like God called Moses, Gideon, Esther, and many others in the Bible.
They were also hesitant at first, but by God’s grace they took the first step and the rest is God’s and the stories of amazing faith were born.
When I did realize it is God’s calling to be a mother to this baby (not just “I have to”), how could I reject and runaway from Him?
Glory and praise to Him who is able to do MORE than I can imagine; His grace, providence and love will always be in our steps.
As weeks approaching my delivery date getting closer #hellodedeAimee 👶🏻 there are times when worry and anxious thoughts crowd my mind.
Second time pregnancy doesn’t guarantee “I know all” as the experience is still different compared with my first one (eg. physical discomforts that I didn’t have when I was pregnant with Aimee, getting used to the medical shared-care system here in Australia, and what-yet-to-come-next the delivery procedure itself, etc etc).
Sometime I think it may be better for the first time pregnancy as I didn’t really know much = less expectations.
However, uncertainty in life is inevitable.
Thankfully my Lord knows all my thoughts and everything in my heart. Couple of days ago when I was awaken at 1.30am and couldn’t get back to sleep, I turned to my pregnancy devotional, and found this promise of God from Deut 31:8.
The devotional itself discussed at first the option we could have to request someone to join the mother in the labor/delivery process (well I didn’t think of this at all, as I did an emergency caesarean with Aimee when I was in Jakarta – I wasn’t given the option to have my husband be with me at that time). But regardless of who we invite to the room, GOD HIMSELF will be in the delivery room with me, as promised at the above verse!
WOW! What a powerful promise and assurance He’s given me!
His promise may not erase my fears all at once, but it makes a GREAT difference whenever I am being attacked with one. I can recall and speak out loud His promise!
His promise and words always arrive in time. I can only surrender all to Him; that’s what gives me the peace and strength I need.
I read “The Quiet Impact on One Woman” from @proverbs31ministries daily devotional on May 30th yet the message still speaks strong to myself ’til today.
Ever since I have a daughter I’m not as physically mobile and flexible as I used to in terms of serving the Lord in and outside the church, but I do not regret this.
I believe there is time and season for everything.
I’m also fully aware that once I give birth to my second, my time will be much more consumed in taking care of the newborn. But I won’t regret it either.
Over and over the Lord reminds and convicts my heart that becoming a mother is a “calling”. It is not just a status, or a duty. The Lord has set a specific purpose for me to nurture these precious souls.
It’s impossible to meet all the needs surrounding me, but through the devotional God reminded me that by investing in another person what I’ve learned from Him, my story expands beyond my lifetime into the eternity.
My story becomes God’s story, and isn’t it just wonderful to walk in agreement with Him!
And I believe our child/children is the priority. If it’s not us the mother teaching them the way of the truth, who else (certainly not the teachers at sunday school).
You may not be a mother (or yet) as you read this, but there may be a “one woman” out there who needs your encouragement; perhaps your colleague, school friend, or an elderly in your neighbourhood.
I pray that the Lord will show you as you ask, and we’ll never know what kind of an eternal impact we will give to this precious woman soul. It’s not about us and our ability to do well, but it’s about HIS ability to use us well.
Lately my pastor has been preaching about Grace every week in correlation with the Law, and I can’t help not to relate it with the way I parent my child.
For months I’ve been struggling a lot more with my daughter’s disobedience that it brings me grief now much more than anger. I fully understand that just as we were all created with a freewill, that my child didn’t come with a manual book, that every child is different and there is no universal way in treating this unique precious soul.
Yet in my loneliness I used to ask God the “why” questions, why He created my daughter with the strong will and emotions this raw at her age – BUT now, I focus more on how to parent her with GRACE.
Because I realize and I see that Law do not have the power to bring the true change – change from the inside, NOT change in behavior.
Change in her behaviors might be good and bring more peace to this mother’s soul, but God opens my eyes once again and remind me my mission of motherhood is not to raise her as a “good moral person” for the sake of my pride.
My mission is to raise this soul to be a God-loving adult, who has the faith in Christ not because that’s the way her parents teach her, but because she does experience Him personally.
To bring good works to her community, not because that is what’s expected from the society, but because that IS the purpose she was created for.
Lord, please teach me “how”. Your Spirit of Truth is in me, and You are the greatest Teacher among all advices the professionals, books, friends, or my mentor can give me.
I need YOU. Help me to understand and put the revelations practically.
I thank You for every comfort, for Your Words in the Bible which comfort and direct me – they are truly lamp to my feet and light to my path.