Wrote this on my Instagram in August…
I had been praying for my parents’ broken marriage to be restored for more than 20 years.
I wished no matter how long I waited, it would have a happy ending.
Like Abraham and Sarah waited for 25 years and finally had a son.
Like Joseph spent 13 years in Potiphar’s house and prison before he became a prime minister of Egypt.
Like Jacob waited for 14 years before got married with Rachel.
This prayer of mine though, ended in “nothing”. It remained broken when my mum passed away. Since then even more hurts from the past and present have been brought to us, the children.
I still cry every now and then when thinking of this “broken dream” of mine (like tonight).
And His Spirit always calls me to draw near and bring my brokenness to Him, and not to anywhere else which may only bring temporary relief.
I am comforted that I can reveal my most raw emotion, and still be welcomed and loved unconditionally.
I will never understand God’s plan on this one, that’s for sure. Does the unanswered prayer mean He loves me less? I can be assured the answer is “no at all”.
“I don’t understand” is not parallel with “God doesn’t love me”.
Nothing becomes my safe anchor other than His unchanging love.
Just never assume how deep God loves us by what’s going on in our life. We risk ourselves towards disappointment when things going wrong in life (and they inevitably will).
When life’s good we “feel” we are blessed and can say yes God loves us, but when life’s tearing us apart does it mean He doesn’t love us anymore?
“Bad” circumstances just don’t mean He doesn’t care for us.
See the truth, at the cross, the true evidence of God’s sacrificial love.
Yes, I do praise the Lord for, even better, my mum has received a much more worthy prize and live eternally in heaven and one day we can meet one another again.
But as a child/daughter who had been longing for that breakthrough for so many years, can I honestly say this “broken dream” for now still remains a painful part deep inside my heart.
My Thoughts... My Life... 