“From Emptiness to Life Filled With Hope”

I found one of my earliest journal #deardiary I wrote when I was 12 years old during my recent, quick visit, to Jakarta.

Although I have known that my adolescence years weren’t my “best years”, it still surprised me to read the suicidal thoughts I wrote on the pages. Plus this pressure to please people as if their happiness depend on me, and also negative emotions of “loneliness” and “emptiness”.

I’d never imagined a 12yo me would have these profound, dark, and complicated thoughts. My depressed thoughts were my “normal days” alongside with my stories about my crush on boys.

But by the grace of God I am what I am now.

If some people ever told me that I’m such a “positive person”, that is because of JESUS who has rescued and delivered me from my old self (2 Cor 5:17).

I don’t tell myself over and over “you are worth it, believe in yourself”; because my worth only comes from He who loves me unconditionally even though I am a sinner.

I also have my daily battles, I certainly don’t have a belief in (and cannot rely on) my own deeds to save me from sins and worldliness.

So if I want to share with you #testimony of my #successstory, it would not be in the form “I was poor then God has blessed my life with $$$ or xxx”.

THIS is instead my story; story of deliverance, story of hope.

Story of how “I was blind but now I see, I was lost and He found me”.

Story of how He’s shifted my focus and revealed the true purpose of life (Galatians 2:20),

Story of redemption of how He has demonstrated His love by dying at the cross for my sins when I was still a sinner (Romans 5:8),

Story of how Jesus, through His once-for-all sacrifice, has become my Mediator and healed the broken relationships between myself and God (Hence, my relationships with people too. I am no longer a people-pleaser #Godpleaser).

Oh, and by the way, through my cousin’s advice, I have thrown away the journals instead of bringing them back here for the sake of its sentimentality (the other two I wrote when I was 14 yo, with the same depressed notes).

I know even by doing so, God has still not finished working in my heart. This is one of my “unseen battles”. And yet praise the Lord, I believe “in all these things I am more than conquerors through Jesus who loved me, for I am convinced that NOTHING will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:37-39).

Not death, not depression, not hopelessness, not emptiness.

There is always a way out – not found in yourself, not in the world, but in Him alone – the Way, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:6).

I am NOT a Good Christian

Posting or quoting bible verses does not make us a good Christian.
Going to church every Sunday, cell group every week, having ministry in the church and community,
Testifying, witnessing,
Helping others in need,
Praying regulary,
Becoming a good person,
These do not make any of us a good Christian.

What is really a good Christian anyway?
Isn't it human who came up with that terminology?
The bible never says "if you do this/if you are this/that then you are a good Christian".
The bible doesn't even mention the words "good Christian" (or even "Christian").

I'm afraid if I consider myself as a "good Christian", then the Good News would no longer be applicable for me.
I'm afraid that the message of Jesus' cross would one day be too outdated.
When I consider myself as "good", then I wouldn't need God as much as I do.
When I bring out the word "good", then I only define it as what my own self do think is good.

The truth is, God is holy and perfect.
No human is.
Not even the "good Christian".
We all need Jesus everyday,
His sacrifice at the cross will always be truthful to those who believe that He is the Son of God, who died to take away our sins and imperfections, and gave His righteousness and restored relationship with God. Because of Jesus, those who believe in Him are not the enemy of God anymore!

This is what I'd like to remember for myself, I am NOT a good Christian. That way I need Him no lesser each day. Even more every day.
💐✍🏻

“Motherhood and His Calling”

As I’m writing one of my fave quotes from CS Lewis to be screen printed to my “welcoming baby gifts” goodie bags (am I well prepared enough? 😆 #lessthanamonthtogo), I can’t help not to think how God has been faithful leading me and my husband to arrive to this decision for having the second baby.

It wasn’t easy for us (especially me), as circumstances had not been “right yet” for us. But when I felt somehow “it might have been”, still there were so many fears, worries, and concerns overwhelmed my heart. 

Yet God is so good and full of love, He gave personal confirmations for me and my husband on separate events through end of last year (you know that moment when you shared things with your spouse and he also said “me too!!” 😁 #beautyofmarriage #inChrist), and eventually the PEACE and CONFIDENCE overtook all the fears – how amazing!

And this confidence that I have, is not based on some positive thinkings that “I can do it”, but because God’s GRACE will never change in my life. Jesus Christ is the same in the past, now, and forever. He is the Alpha and the Omega. 

Soon I also realized this wasn’t just a matter of our decision to parent this baby, but it is God’s personal CALLING for me. Just like God called Moses, Gideon, Esther, and many others in the Bible. 

They were also hesitant at first, but by God’s grace they took the first step and the rest is God’s and the stories of amazing faith were born. 

When I did realize it is God’s calling to be a mother to this baby (not just “I have to”), how could I reject and runaway from Him? 

Glory and praise to Him who is able to do MORE than I can imagine; His grace, providence and love will always be in our steps. 

When in doubt, look above. Look up to His grace.

“The First One with Me in the Delivery Room”

As weeks approaching my delivery date getting closer #hellodedeAimee 👶🏻 there are times when worry and anxious thoughts crowd my mind.

Second time pregnancy doesn’t guarantee “I know all” as the experience is still different compared with my first one (eg. physical discomforts that I didn’t have when I was pregnant with Aimee, getting used to the medical shared-care system here in Australia, and what-yet-to-come-next the delivery procedure itself, etc etc). 

Sometime I think it may be better for the first time pregnancy as I didn’t really know much = less expectations. 

However, uncertainty in life is inevitable.

Thankfully my Lord knows all my thoughts and everything in my heart. Couple of days ago when I was awaken at 1.30am and couldn’t get back to sleep, I turned to my pregnancy devotional, and found this promise of God from Deut 31:8.

The devotional itself discussed at first the option we could have to request someone to join the mother in the labor/delivery process (well I didn’t think of this at all, as I did an emergency caesarean with Aimee when I was in Jakarta – I wasn’t given the option to have my husband be with me at that time). But regardless of who we invite to the room, GOD HIMSELF will be in the delivery room with me, as promised at the above verse!

WOW! What a powerful promise and assurance He’s given me!
His promise may not erase my fears all at once, but it makes a GREAT difference whenever I am being attacked with one. I can recall and speak out loud His promise! 

His promise and words always arrive in time. I can only surrender all to Him; that’s what gives me the peace and strength I need. 

#crunchynatsjournal

The Power of “Small”

  
Do you ever wonder, the metaphors that Jesus used in His parable throughout His life of ministry are frequently images of the “SMALL“, which in appearance they look like nothing, yet its impact is way greater? Think of “salt, leaven (yeast), and seed“. 

Then again, Jesus the Son of God was born in Betlehem, SMALL town among Judah, and He came as a baby, SMALL among men. And throughout His life He didn’t aim to be “big” nor “the greatest”. 

He constantly turned to His Father in everything, “walking as the most dependent man who ever lived”. 
Had I not read the book “Simply Tuesday” by Emily P. Freeman yesterday, I wouldn’t connect them all together and give more thoughts about it!
Clearly the world and our culture publicize the opposite: “big is great, big is powerful”. And very often it is hard to swim against the current.

And yet, if we truly believe and have faith in God’s words in Bible, let it change our perspective and the truth will set us free. 

Small does not mean powerless. Small does not mean it’s nothing. 

The “small prayers” you pray everyday for your family/friends/loved ones – they have the power to prevail (James 5:16) and power to fight against the unseen (Eph 6:12). 

The “small seeds” you sow in the lives of your children despite of the sweats and tears fighting against their stubborness and every human tendency to sin – they have the power to establish your children on the right path and when they are old, they will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).

And there is still more other things in life that look like small, yet they sum up the big picture of what our life is really about!
That’s the power of the “smallness”. 

Don’t give up, continue on our labour, just be faithful for the “small things” before God entrust us with bigger things, which most often is not the same as what we expected #thinkoutsidethebox #Godsbox 

Matt 17:20b

“… For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, “Move from here to there”, and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you”

#crunchynatsjournal #prayerthatmovesmountain #warroom 

You're welcome to share this with your friends :)

 

such a great love, there is none like it on this world

 
This morning is unusual. When I was thinking of Christ’s cross, I didn’t think of it as a beautiful thing (symbol of God’s love for this world as I generally do). No. Instead, what came into my mind is its agony and pain. The suffering and the blood. It’s ugly. And hurtful.
This cross is a serious thing. We may often forget that we gain our status as the ‘righteous’ and the ‘believer’ because Someone else’s pain and sufferings enabled us to. 

The cross may have become too cliché, or only goes as far as a ‘Christian accessory’. Of course we are not meant to mourn over the cross just to be able to ’emphatize’ what Jesus has done for us; we will never know/feel/understand the level or depth of His agony involved throughout the journey. Yet we are meant to celebrate His victory! 

I just hope that I’d never forget the reason I follow Him. Not only so I can be a “good person” or to fulfill the empty spot in my heart of needing a deity to give my worship to.
But because this GREAT love at the cross, and the GREAT pain and suffering involved. This, what has called me to Him. A kind of love that covers my multitude of sins like nobody else can. 

It’s about what He has done. 

Thank You for the cross, Lord

Thank You for the price You’ve paid

Bearing all my sins and shame, in love You came

And gave amazing grace

Thank You for this love, Lord

Thank You for the nail-pierced hand

Wash me in Your cleansing flow, now all I know, is Your forgiveness and embrace

Worthy is the Lamb

Seated on the throne

Crown You now with many crowns, You reign victorius 

High and lifted up

Jesus Son of God

The darling of Heaven crucified

Worthy is the Lamb 

Have a blessed day everyone ❤️

#crunchynatsjournal

Greatest Fashion Designer Ever!

  
Did you know the first ‘Fashion Designer’ ever on this earth? His masterpiece wasn’t merely a haute couture dress, it was the HEARTS of men! Yes, it was God who ‘fashions the hearts of them all and observes all their deeds’ (Psalm 33:15).
It is interesting for me to read this verse because it’s my first time to read the word ‘fashion‘ in use in the ESV bible. In the NIV, it is written as,

“He who forms the hearts of all, 

who considers everything they do”

If you’re a fashion designer, or designer in any kind, you’d probably more understand and get fuller picture from this verse; the intricate process involved when God created each of us. It wasn’t like an instant magic, but I believe it is more like a thorough and thoughtful process. Full of love and wisdom in planning each of our days in His book of life. 
Each time when I start every project, there is a careful planning and envisioning involved before I begin. Well God must have planned much much more in details for our lives! He fashioned our hearts, above all, to be like His. 
Give glory to Him who fashioned our physical heart when we were still in our mother’s womb, and praise Him who fashioned our spiritual heart and mould it to be more like His everyday 🙌🏻🌟
Find #crunchynatsjournal on Instagram to see and read other posts that I haven’t posted in my blog 🙂 

Have a blessed day everyone! 

   
 

Word of The Year 2016

 

begin our day with Jesus 🙏🏻☺️

 
My “word of the year” last year was “BELIEVE”, and when I asked God what will it be for this year 2016, somehow the word “FAITH” keeps ringing in my head. 
At first I thought that word was too “cliché”, I’ve heard it and have it referred soo many times it’s like countless! Yet there is a deeper desire to really “live out” the word, to really “live by faith“. Not as a ‘Christian slogan’, but to really understand its meaning and let my life be totally changed by the renewed perspective of faith!
If I do what I do now, what is the motivation behind? Is it merely “by default”, “a good thing to do”, OR do I really do it because I have FAITH in God (this applies to EVERY daily activities I do in and for Him). 

Can I trust Him more, can I surrender every aspect of my life – because of FAITH? 
Knowing only FAITH can please God (Heb 11:6) and not our offerings, good deeds, or else, it is crucial to begin just right from this point. 
Anyway, Happy New Year 2016 everyone!! Wish you all a blessed year filled with abundant of His blessings, providence and protection 🙏🏻 (This is my first scribble entry on my new Journaling Bible btw, see my testimony how I received it miraculuously from my previous post 😁) 💞💞💞

The True Christmas Spirit

 

“Jesus Christ is our Savior and King”

When Jesus Christ first appeared in His public ministry more than 2,000 years ago, many people put hope in Him as the Messiah; the King of Jews, and they followed Jesus around because they believed the “King” meant literally that Jesus would rule over the Romans and no other authorities from other kingdoms on earth would dare to disturb the Israelites. 

If they followed Jesus faithfully, hopefully they could get at least certain important positions in the leadership once He ruled as a King and could enjoy the benefit and respect they desired. 

But they were wrong. 

Jesus was born as a Savior AND King, but far away from what the world expected from Him. His kingdom is not from this earth; He has far better Kingdom in Heaven, last eternally, in which He wants us to be with Him. 

And Jesus showed humility and serving others nobody ever did. Jesus accepted the unaccepted people, Jesus loved the unlovable and the rejected ones. 

His kingdom rule is sure different. “Blessed those who are poor in spirit, because Kingdom of heaven belongs to them” (Matt 5:3). 

But aren’t we glad that He rules with OUR best interest in His mind, not His own (significantly different than nowadays politicians indeed). Accept His authority in our life, obey Him, respect Him, love Him. 

Yes the decorations, the presents, the shoppings, the food, the fellowship with family and friends may can only be cherished once in a year; yet we can own the spirit of Christmas (Jesus is our Savior and King) lives in our heart all around the year.

Merry Christmas everyone!! 🎄🎄🎄