•Singleness-related post part 2 ✌🏻•
I remember one time during my single years, a group of friends asked me “what kind of man/boyfriend/husband you’re looking for?”. They weren’t fellow believers, and I was naively/idealistically answered,
“Someone who loves God”.
I could tell by their face expressions they didn’t really expect that kind of answer and asked me why’s that so. I replied, “because a man who loves God will also love me”.
I often suggest my single “sisters” to prayerfully write a list of criterias of future spouse they desire. At times when we don’t really know what we want, we may tend to make decisions out of emotions/feelings. To know/find out more what we want/need from our future spouse can help us to make more sound decisions.
I wrote 10 things I would like from my husband-to-be. Although I don’t remember this whole list anymore (I might laugh at myself when one day I read my journal again – I still keep it at my parents’ house in Indo 😛), I do remember the “top 3” I firstly wrote – for me these are the “non-negotiable”, criterias that I NEED from my husband.
No.1, he must be a man who loves God (not just a so-called “Christian”/“Church Goer”).
No.2, his spiritual growth/maturity must be at the same level or above me (I write more details about this on my blog).
No.3, he needs to have a “heart for souls” (I knew God has called me to evangelism, so naturally I wanted my husband to be “in the same team”. Like what I wrote in my previous post, I have the conviction that having the same vision unites a marriage stronger than merely love).
The rest of the list – these things that I “want” – it’s negotiable. Eg. Able to play instrument (my husband can play guitar), a funny & easygoing person (he still makes me either smile or laugh everyday lol), resided in Jakarta (unexpectedly he is from Jambi, Sumatra instead 😂), height above 175cm (he’s obviously shorter than that 😂) – I’ve forgotten the rest of them, really.
But I hope you’re getting what I mean, the criterias that you “want” usually only to satisfy your flesh desire. If your future spouse has them all, that’s great! But more often they don’t, so be prepared to make compromise.
However, I would strongly encourage you not to compromise the criterias that you NEED from your future spouse over your “convenience”.
(A scenario: “I already like this man -or woman-, but he/she isn’t really serious/committed with God. Maybe I can settle this matter LATER. Maybe I can be the one who bring him/her closer to God”.
Sadly, what often ended up at the above scenario is, either both of them went backwards, or the other one later “complained” that they seem couldn’t make their partner be more serious with God…).
However I’d like to mind you also, that each person’s love story is unique because our God is SO great and creative and He did not create us to be a machine, so when I write this I’m not sharing a specific “formula” to be applied. I’m just sharing from my own personal experience and from what I often witness.
Because I was too naive/idealistic, I also expected that when I met “the one”, God would somehow speak very clearly to me (like those supernatural stories I often heard previously, “as soon as I saw him/her, I knew he/she would be the one I got married to!”).
For some years it did not happen, my male friends all “pushed” me to make decisions and to just wait for the supernatural sign would waste my time lol.
In the end…. well, I still did not hear any audible voice from God or any other “supernatural coincidence” when I met my now-husband and throughout my decision-making process.
God works differently and uniquely, He knows best how to speak to us, in what kind of way, and in what timing.
Sometimes He can give us supernatural signs, other times He can speak as “ordinary” as through His own words in the Bible, through people/friends/family members – but He always SPEAKS and GIVES ANSWERS to those who seek Him earnestly. Don’t despise what seems like ordinary to you hence limiting God to speak only in ways you demand to. HE is the GOD, not you.
We may be confused, upset, stressed for not being able to discern what decision we have to make (I’ve been there).
But the most important thing I learn through this quest of finding/waiting for “the one” is, to seek God for who He is,
to seek Him not for getting an answer or whatever else He can give us, but truly long for an intimacy with Him. We just want to be close with Him, because He is the owner of our hearts!
Through the intimate moments He will share His hearts and desires with you.
Then we will live up to see His promise is true in Psalm 37:4,
“Delight yourself in the Lord,
and He will give you the desires of your heart”.
It is a beautiful process, my friends.
Sure it can be painful, heartbrokens may happen, but know that God is there to give you wisdom,
to give you His own self.
Our future spouse is not perfect, just like we are not perfect either. Yet if you have the earnest desire to glorify Him through your choice of future spouse, He is a Good Father who will not despise your dreams.
Keep on seeking Him and His wills above all else, the whole experience of getting closer to Him is the BEST thing in the waiting process!
Until my next post friends 🙂