Broken dreams are just inevitable in life.
To start with, I grew up in a broken family. I can say my childhood years were “okay”, not much I can really remember anyway. But stretching out my memory to the first diaries I wrote when I was around 11-12 years old, my life might not be as rosy as I dreamed of. There were suicidal words written at such a young age. I had written “God, help” some times although I had not really known who He was other than His name is “Jesus” (because I studied in Christian schools since my early childhood, but didn’t really know yet “why I believe in Him”, “who He is”, etc).
My family situation had become even more and more burdensome when I was 17 years old. At that time I’d just begun my study at uni in Melbourne. The issue apparently had existed long before, but I only began to really see it as “dark secrets” started to be revealed one by one.
Funnily enough, I’d never really ‘say’, ‘define’ or ‘proclaim’ my family was broken, not even until recently (the last 2 years perhaps). I know my family is not what a “normal” or “happy” family look like, but I had grown up within that kind of family circumstances for so many years, maybe I had been “indifferent” towards all the issues. Not in a way that “I don’t care”, though. Maybe I just “accept” it. I was not in denial either. I just “grieved deeply but life went on so pick up yourself, stand up, and walk again”. I didn’t like to talk into the details (many are just too “crazy story”, but this is my life reality). My heart (maybe) continued to cry for help, love, and comfort, but I didn’t actively do anything other than kept them to myself.
I’m not really sure why now is the time to write about this. I just feel I want to, but only to the extent I’m willing to. I hope, and I pray, that everything I have gone through will be used for God’s glory, nothing happens in our life is a coincidence.
Someone else maybe needs the same encouragement, love, and assurance. And I hope as I write more about this, the Lord can use it to bless another person wherever she/he is. I guess I am only “open” to share whenever His Spirit calls me to. Like what I am doing now. I am just following the prompt/urge to write. I wouldn’t have the “courage”/boldness otherwise. And also perhaps, this is also to bless my own self. It may sound “selfish”, but it just comes to my mind that maybe I myself need to be part of this healing process, allowing myself to be more vulnerable by opening up more. We are here together, I am not at a “higher” position or anything else just because of what I have known and experienced.
For now I just want us to take these points to conclude (as a soul note to myself too):
Whether you have broken dream, broken life, broken heart, the Lord is SO MUCH GREATER than your and my brokenness.
His love isn’t determined by our life circumstances or “how good we are”. He loves us because HE IS LOVE. There is no hate in Him (other than hate the sin), and no favouritism. His love is no less just because we are broken and sinful. His love remain the same at the lowest point of our life.
Through the pain, hurt, disappointment in life His love shall comfort us even deeper.
Through the impossible circumstances His power become more apparent.
Take heart and find rest in His presence, and see His rescue always come in the perfect time. Even though we are broken, rejoice! because He delights in you and me.
“That is why, for Christ’ sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” – 2 Corinthians 12:10
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