It’s been almost six months I ‘purposely’ did not update this blog – why? what happened?
First of all, in March I was sick for more than a week and it felt awwfulll… with unwell body, fever, and 7 (yes, seven!) BIG ULCERS in my mouth, feeling like I had no mood at all in doing anything other than lying on my bed, even with those many ulcers drinking water feeling like swallowing needles 😦
However, remember always God’s promise in Romans 8:28, that God always works all things for the good of those who love Him, He used that experience to draw me closer to Him, to have a quite retreat into His presence. He reminded me that in order to focusing writing this blog as much as I could, I had neglected my quite time with Him.
I have an ‘unique’ prayer relationship with the Lord. As mentioned in my blog profile, it’s been my habit writing diaries since I was in elementary, and after I was born again in Christ I keep doing so and I’ve experienced uncountable times how God’s been talking and giving many life-changing revelations during my quiet time writing in my diary. On every front page of my diary, I always write that all my writings inside are like conversations between me, my Diary, and God.
I have to admit that ever since I got married and particularly after Aimee was born, I have little time writing in my diary, meaning my intimate talking (through writing) with God also got cut down. I wrote every now and then for ‘major events’ yet rarely just sit and write and tell God every trivial things in my life (although He surely has known every single things in my mind and heart) and hear what He would want to tell me and receive His rhema through His Words in Bible.
And as a mother, technically I only have one to two hours ‘me time’ everyday, which is when Aimee’s taking her nap! (like now haha..)
Can I just have my ‘me time’ in the evening or at night when my husband’s home from work? NOPE. Even when Daddy’s around Aimee still wants me to be there although we may not be engaging actively but she just likes my presence a lot I guess haha… So it’s pretty hard for me to sneak into room and write without hearing her calling Mommy 🙂
With only 1-2 hours ‘me time’, I have to use it very wisely. Will I use it for purely pleasure (browsing through my iPad, doing crafts, reading books) or seeking God (meaning here doing my Bible Study whilst writing ‘the conversation’ in my personal diary) or sowing seeds through this blog (or else)?
When I was sick back in March, it was like I felt God said to me, “Have a retreat with Me, Nat. You’ve been concentrating a lot writing the blog and although you have a valid motive behind it, My time with you is more valuable than any others. You have neglected your quite time with Me writing in your personal diary, where actually it is the source of your strength before you write in anywhere else. Choose Me before your writing ministry”
Well, God did not exactly say it literally, but that was what I strongly got convicted in my heart. I must get back to my habit writing the diary because those moments are as equivalent as my quite time with God.
During my sick moment I realized how crooked and prideful I am, I need to get my relationship with God top priority and to get it right first. So I decided to use the “me time” to “me and God’s time”. I “ran away” from this blog, not knowing when I shall be “allowed” to update it again.
Since then the journey begins. The awesome journey with the Lord, I must say!
I’m inspired again by His words, I’m encapsulated again by intimate moments sharing with God what I feel deep inside my heart, and be reminded by how much I used to spend a lot of time just sitting on His feet waiting Him to say something (first years when I was born again in Christ), He took me back to my first love.
To cut it short, two weeks ago somehow in church I feel the ‘urge’ to write in this blog again (when main message of “One More Person for Jesus” was given). I didn’t know whether I got it right, but for the last two weeks I got reminded again and again to write again in this blog, now without sacrificing the “me and God’s time”. So…. here I am again! hahaha….
Well, I’ve also just done 40-days fasting and actually can’t wait to share more in this blog, but I think the time’s up for now as I won’t use the entire Aimee’s nap time for updating the blog hehe…
So, now I can say those seven ulcers indeed had taught me something! haha… miserable, yes. Yet they have brought me back to the ‘basic’ and be drawn to God’s loving presence.
Til then…. God bless and have a nice week! 🙂