Six Months After….

Yeah, where have I been?? 😛

It’s been almost six months I ‘purposely’ did not update this blog – why? what happened?

First of all, in March I was sick for more than a week and it felt awwfulll… with unwell body, fever, and 7 (yes, seven!) BIG ULCERS in my mouth, feeling like I had no mood at all in doing anything other than lying on my bed, even with those many ulcers drinking water feeling like swallowing needles 😦

However, remember always God’s promise in Romans 8:28, that God always works all things for the good of those who love Him, He used that experience to draw me closer to Him, to have a quite retreat into His presence. He reminded me that in order to focusing writing this blog as much as I could, I had neglected my quite time with Him.

I have an ‘unique’ prayer relationship with the Lord. As mentioned in my blog profile, it’s been my habit writing diaries since I was in elementary, and after I was born again in Christ I keep doing so and I’ve experienced uncountable times how God’s been talking and giving many life-changing revelations during my quiet time writing in my diary. On every front page of my diary, I always write that all my writings inside are like conversations between me, my Diary, and God.

I have to admit that ever since I got married and particularly after Aimee was born, I have little time writing in my diary, meaning my intimate talking (through writing) with God also got cut down. I wrote every now and then for ‘major events’ yet rarely just sit and write and tell God every trivial things in my life (although He surely has known every single things in my mind and heart) and hear what He would want to tell me and receive His rhema through His Words in Bible.

And as a mother, technically I only have one to two hours ‘me time’ everyday, which is when Aimee’s taking her nap! (like now haha..)

Can I just have my ‘me time’ in the evening or at night when my husband’s home from work? NOPE. Even when Daddy’s around Aimee still wants me to be there although we may not be engaging actively but she just likes my presence a lot I guess haha… So it’s pretty hard for me to sneak into room and write without hearing her calling Mommy 🙂

With only 1-2 hours ‘me time’, I have to use it very wisely. Will I use it for purely pleasure (browsing through my iPad, doing crafts, reading books) or seeking God (meaning here doing my Bible Study whilst writing ‘the conversation’ in my personal diary) or sowing seeds through this blog (or else)?

When I was sick back in March, it was like I felt God said to me, “Have a retreat with Me, Nat. You’ve been concentrating a lot writing the blog and although you have a valid motive behind it, My time with you is more valuable than any others. You have neglected your quite time with Me writing in your personal diary, where actually it is the source of your strength before you write in anywhere else. Choose Me before your writing ministry”

Well, God did not exactly say it literally, but that was what I strongly got convicted in my heart. I must get back to my habit writing the diary because those moments are as equivalent as  my quite time with God.

During my sick moment I realized how crooked and prideful I am, I need to get my relationship with God top priority and to get it right first. So I decided to use the “me time” to “me and God’s time”. I “ran away” from this blog, not knowing when I shall be “allowed” to update it again.

Since then the journey begins. The awesome journey with the Lord, I must say!

I’m inspired again by His words, I’m encapsulated again by intimate moments sharing with God what I feel deep inside my heart, and be reminded by how much I used to spend a lot of time just sitting on His feet waiting Him to say something (first years when I was born again in Christ), He took me back to my first love.

To cut it short, two weeks ago somehow in church I feel the ‘urge’ to write in this blog again (when main message of “One More Person for Jesus” was given). I didn’t know whether I got it right, but for the last two weeks I got reminded again and again to write again in this blog, now without sacrificing the “me and God’s time”. So…. here I am again! hahaha….

Well, I’ve also just done 40-days fasting and actually can’t wait to share more in this blog, but I think the time’s up for now as I won’t use the entire Aimee’s nap time for updating the blog hehe…

So, now I can say those seven ulcers indeed had taught me something! haha… miserable, yes. Yet they have brought me back to the ‘basic’ and be drawn to God’s loving presence.

Til then…. God bless and have a nice week! 🙂

AMEN!

“Mommy’s so Much of a Better Mommy When She Spends Time with Jesus”

Time has Wings

It’s almost the end of January!! The quote I wrote in my earlier entry  https://crunchynat.wordpress.com/2013/01/01/happy-new-year-2013/ from Gretchen Rubin-The Happiness Project, “The days are long, but the years are short”, is very very true. Last night I reminded myself the four areas I would like to focus on throughout the year, which I pray there will be a greater change in my life to the better (more like Christ) within those areas: Time, Money, Talent, Relationships;

– TIME –

What does a full time mom do? Having been working since I was in uni, it did feel ‘weird’ at first to now stay at home and not earning money, and to not having any formal working hours. I even did googled “what housewife usually do” at the beginning I moved here hahaha… and the result is pretty much the same with one I’ve been doing now (and also by the “research chat” I did with my two housewifes besties in Singapore :P). So, that feeds my curiosity of this new role of mine being a housewife and full time mom. I try to use my time well and not to procastinate things (making calls, ironing clothes, etc haha..), and try to juggle things like cleaning up, cooking, educating Aimee, and other house chores (there are some ‘lazy days’ though :P). But the most important thing that I should give more emphasize on is, spending personal time with God.

One precious thing that I learn from the book “Real Moms, Real Jesus” by Jill Savage is that my ministry starts at home. Although it is at home, it does require whole amount of physical and emotional energy (There is NO day off for a full time mom! All hours are my “working hours” – 24 hours, 7 days a week- including middle of nights when Aimee wants milk).

A mother has always to serve, it’s the basic of the job description.

“Serving is giving. Spending time with God is receiving. When we spend time with God, we fill up until we are overflowing and it is out of the overflow that we are able to serve others” (Jill Savage)

I cannot serve my child and husband well if I did not draw the strength from being in God’s presence. In it, He grants me wisdom and strength to arrange in order things in my life like scheduling my time carefully so I still can have my rest well enough (tired body will indeed make me crankier in taking care of Aimee) while at the same time feeding me with His words so my spiritual life does not go weary and thin.

The challenge is (which I am very thankful, the similar one is also well explained by Jill in her book), to find that moment to talk with God when ‘ we can’t even barely go to the bathroom alone’. Some days I am passionate to know Him more and read His words, other day I feel flat and only take a few moment to really ponder on His words. But I know I must talk with God everyday. I know I can’t rely on Sunday service or FA (cell group fellowship every Friday night) merely to feed my soul, especially when now I always get distracted between maintaining my focus on listening to the sermon/sharing and keeping my eyes on Aimee (wish she could just sit calmy or sleep in her stroller instead of running around) —> Question: do other moms feel the same way? I feel in the end of sermons, sometimes what I only get is ‘bread crumbs’… 😦

So, in terms of times, I know the main focus and challenge is to use it wisely to talk with God, because it is source of my energy to running my home ministry.

Jill explains that we can have specific prayer time each day and you can talk to Him thoughout the day. She said some days she manage both kinds of conversations. Other days it’s one or the other. And on the other days that she doesn’t talk with God.. she knows it, the kids know it, and her husband knows it.

“Mommy’s so much of a better mommy when she spends time with Jesus”

Hahaha.. I may be laughing when I read her statement, but it is so true! This is a challenge for every godly mother.

For me, it’s hard for me to find a specific prayer time, to just sit still and pray. So far I only do the other way of the conversation with God, which is talking with Him throughout the day (when in shower, cooking, doing laundry, etc). Hiks.. God, please give me a hunger for determining and consecrating a specific prayer time with You in a closet…

Well, that’s it for now. I shall discuss the other three areas (Money, Talent, Relationship) in other three separates entries 🙂

ps: I post the front cover of Jill’s book just in case moms want to get one too (ordering online from Koorong or Amazone perhaps), it really blesses me 🙂

Thank God for using Jill Savage to share stories that I didn’t get from else where 🙂