This morning I try to wake up earlier and tiptoe quietly out from my room; I just want to make a cup of coffee, sit down and read my Bible in the quietness (which is rare since I have Arielle, sleeping has become precious commodity š).
Then I heard this whisper, “Mummy, can I wake up and go with you?”, oh well, the eldest caught me in the act! š I thought why not with this time, we could enjoy the early morning just the two of us. So we woke up together, I made my coffee, sat down and opened my bible while Aimee was next to me having her breakfast. Then I remembered I once sketched the “weapon of God” from Ephesians 6 on my bible just to help me in memorising, and I felt like I wanted to share the Words with Aimee. In a second she straightaway replied with her excited face, “I know it! I also have it from Sunday school!”. She went back to her room and there it was her own version of “Armor of God” šš» haha.
We spent good minutes sharing the word of God, and moment after she goes to school, I have a warm affirmation in my heart about this morning’s encounter and I thank His Spirit for the opportunity.
I am not always aware or willing enough to share about God’s words in the midst of life routines and hectic schedule, so wherever we have the opportunity I fully realize and give the honor to the Holy Spirit who have guided, inspired, and given me the wisdom I need.
I feel His Spirit reaffirming me, that the privilege and honor to share the words of God to our children do not belong to the Sunday school teachers (or school teachers if they go to Christians school) no matter how awesome the jobs they do, but they belong foremostly to the MOTHERS/PARENTS.
God is glorified at the heart of the home where the name of Jesus is a part of daily life and naturally spoken out and shared with the whole family members.
“Nothing is more important in your life than being one of God’s tools to form a human soul” (Paul Tripp), and with this great task we have Him and His grace with us!
Thanks for reading this mumma’s story! š
Deut 6:5-9
5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
Last month was particularly difficult on me in terms of my motherhood journey. I feel like I am entering another different phase of Aimee’s growth, in which she overwhelms me more than ever. When she’s smaller (still a baby) all she could stress me was her crying asking for milk (or other things else), growing bigger she stressed me by being a super duper kid climbing anything she could climb risking her own fall (and she did fall many times hiks). Now she stresses me with her whining, screaming, crying, and impatience! She’s learning her preferences and feelings, and when the reality or Mommy doesn’t go along with them she would throw those annoying acts (WSC = ‘Whining, Screaming, Crying’). Some days I am so proud of her achievements in her growth, skills, and characters, but some other days sheĀ stresses me a lot too š¦ Being a full time mother is very demanding both to my physical and emotional being, despite of having realized that is one major tool God’s using to shape my own character and holiness (surely He uses the best teacher ever – my own daughter! haha..)
I’m not planning to vent here, instead, I’m just sharing. Yep, I guess I am a very much “sharer” in which I don’t mind sharing to others what I feel (sometimes I can be brutally honest but sometimes I can shut myself like clam :P). I guess everybody especially full time moms without any helper (nanny, maid, grandparents, etc) have same stories too but nobody talks about, they may only share them with their close girlfriends. Well, I’m treating this blog and its readers as my ‘girlfriends’ then haha..
Back to my struggle. I tell my husband sometimes in the midst of my stress I wish I had a remote control where I could push ‘pause’ and ‘stop’ button for Aimee just so I could have my break hahaha… I smile as I’m typing this. I really wished I could have that remote control especially during the last two weeks when my husband suffered from toothache (in the end he had to undergo root canal therapy hiks). It felt like I was taking care of these two babies (hahaha) and because my husband had been too painful with his toothache (it made me suffered too watching him like that hiks), he simply didn’t have the energy to taking care of Aimee in turn as what we do usually and he was grumpy too (usually his patience is what makes me stronger in facing things). The physical tiredness plus emotional test for my impatience in taking care of Aimee especially when she threw those “WSC acts” had taken to my toll. Plus we are undergoing some life challenges and last week my faith wasn’t really that strong.
Thank to God, on Saturday the dentist had putĀ his painful nerve to end and I’ve got my hubby back to his regular activitiesĀ and mood! YEY! So,Ā I’m at a stronger point now compared with I was in the last two weeks.Ā Then last night before I slept, IĀ thought I’d like to read another chapter of Sally Clarkson’s book “The Mission of Motherhood”, and IĀ was very much surprised reading theĀ subheading – “Serving Without Resentment”. Ā It’s totally for me after doing very much complaining in the last weeks!!
Previously Sally explained one of very much wonderful qualities of Jesus which I really admire a lot from Him – His servant heart. In John 13, the night before He died at the cross, He washed His disciples’ feet one by one, giving them the real unforgettable example of what a true servant looks like. Sally said if she was Jesus and she knew how really important she was – how powerful and authoritative and worthy – she would want someone to throw a banquet in her honor, would at least want her closest friends to sympathize with her about theĀ difficulty ahead of somehow acknowledge her greatness (wouldn’t I alsoĀ want similar thingsĀ if I were Jesus!). Yet, He chose to wash His disciples’ feet!
“If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet” – John 13:14
The Savior of the world had chosen to spend the night before His great sacrifice ministering to them – gently touching them, feeding them, cleaning them, and ministering to their deepest needs, so that they might truly know and feel their valued relationship to Him.
This is the kind of heart every mothers should have! And how much I really want to own it yet how it can be very much difficult for me too at many times!
“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends” – John 15:13
We,Ā mothers,Ā have to choose to serve Christ by giving ourĀ time and energy (our life)Ā to our children – not just when we feel like it but when they need us!
For me, choosing servanthood will mean, for example, waking up at middle of night serving Aimee when she wants milk, encouraging her when she screams because she cannot put off her own shoes (no problem with putting them on haha..), acting out patience and administering love when she once again screams for snack (rather than asking for it gently) while I’m in the middle of washing dishes, cooking, or doing other household duties, or when I am just about to sit on the couch to relax watching TV or readingĀ after such a long and tiring day yet then again having my handsĀ being pulledĀ by her because she wants me to get her something (toys, snack, food, milk) – all without complaining!
OK, this is the part where I am brutally honest: what I do usually when she does those things: “Aimee wait! Mommy’s hand dirty can’t you see! *in stressful tone* Arghhh Aimee when will you sleep all through the night rather than waking up asking for milk or simply crying, I need uninterruptedĀ SLEEEPPP! *in complaining tone* Aimeeee Mommy is about to having a rest! I’ve been up all day can’t you just give me some time to sit and relax!!?? *again, in complaining tone* Aimee be patient!! If you can’t put off your own shoes don’t scream!! *in half screaming tone* (teaching your kid not to scream by screaming at her?) PHEWWWW….!
So many interruptions!
However, that chapter I read last night “Serving without Resentment”, explained me that children, by definition, take up our time! They’re supposed to do that’ it’s the way God made them. But if we don’t recognize or accept that fact, we’re bound to make things difficult for ourselves and our children.
God do not want us to resent our children for taking up our time! Neither does He want us to make them feel guilty for the sacrifices we have made on theirĀ behalf. We are called to give up our rights simply out of our love to Jesus.
Then Sally went on, “If I have had struggles and complaints over the years for these issues in my own life, they have been between me and the Lord, not between me and my children”
WOW! Another super great revelation I’ve received! A very much correction to my wrong perception, thinking and behavior!
I’ve never learned this kind of thing from anywhere else, not even from my own mother. I still remember how my mom mostly annoyed when I need her to help me doing something (she even complained having had to fit her own dress for my wedding, she said she didn’t have time). The kind of set pattern is wrong and I have to take a conscious action to choose not to follow!
Sally wrote,
“Once I had children, as any mother will understand, my time was never my own again! Children simply don’t fit into neat little time packages”
“Today Mommy has one hour to give to you for your needs- whatever you want! During this hour I am willing to do anything but you must understand that when this hour is over, I will have to leave you to yourself. You see, I have clothes to wash, food to buy and prepare, bills to pay, friends to meet, places to travel, books to read and write, movies to watch, work to accomplish, etc”
“Ridiculous, isn’t it? But practically speaking, I believe many women assume they should be able toĀ do that with their own children. Many aspects of our cultures seem to be based on the idea that children should fit into neat little time slots. When we realize and accept that serving our children means giving them whatever time they need, whenever they need it, we will be far less likely to fall into the kind of bitterness and resentment we could have” (some sentences are edited or cut to make it shorter)
I am not a perfect mother, Aimee is not a perfect child, nobody is perfect, only God is!
I’m really asking and praying to God to give me strengths, enable me to be that kind of mother with a servant heart, serving my child and my husband andĀ other people without complaining, to see and receive the pleasure of serving which isn’t derived from men’s praise, but from the joy of being obedient to You, Lord!
Please help me to change… please don’t let this truth only settle in my head, yet to sink deeper into my heart and be manifested into actions…. and thank You so much for revealing and teaching me these kind of things, Lord… I have made mistakes in the past, yet thank You for showing me how I should walk rightly in the future and setting the right and godly example for my kid…
Thank You and only You alone receive all the glory.
I took this picture of my little girl today, at the beginning of spring season… Lord, thank You for teaching me to love her as You have loved me. I can do all things through You who strengthens me, without You I am nothing… xx
Today is amazing –Ā amazingly emotionallyĀ tiring! In fact, today is the first time I cried because I couldn’t bear with Aimee’s naughtiness š¦
Help! Emergency!
Aimee is a loveable kid, and as her mother, indeed I love her so much. She is very smart and cute, and (or could also be a ‘but‘) a super active kid, really. When my parents were here for five days, my mom said even if she got paid 20 millions (in Rupiah) to taking care of Aimee, she wouldn’t take it (hahaha…), and that wentĀ for her super-activeness. She rarely sits calm for more than 5-10 minutes, always has something to play around with, even things that may endanger her. Sometimes I envy those kids who can stay calm and quiet. Before Aimee turned one, she has walked. By now (15 months)Ā she runs in mall, in house, in church, especially when she meets other kids too. In party, she ran happily being chasing by a boy agedĀ five years old plusĀ she likes to climb almost anything higher than her…phewww. One of her favourite games (that I don’t like), she wouldĀ climb the sofa andĀ purposelyĀ make herself fall on to it, then she would give me a big giggle. I love the giggle, but not the reason obviously.
I love her being an energetic lil kid, but you know, sometimes you just don’t desireĀ yourĀ kidĀ to be so energetic. Especially in particular times when you have other more important things to do and you can hardly divide your focus between doing your other housewife tasks and watching after her. I personally don’t like to leave home unattended and messy, I like it to be clean when my hubby arrives home. It’d be easy if I could just taking care of her, but I have other important jobs and chores to do as well.
So today Aimee has her tantrum since in the morning -she didn’t let me doing anything else other than carrying her around- and the emotional peak was when I let her played with a jar filled with colorful clips when I did the dishes,Ā without expecting that she would be interested more in playing with the jar rather than with the clips, and in 5 minutes she broke it in pieces!! Arrrrghhhhh (my fault to let her play with the jar, I know, IĀ really thoughtĀ she would be more interested playing with the colorful clips!)
So when she sobbed because I was angry to her, then within minutes I sobbed too… (before then both of us fallen asleep haha..)
I remember when I was still pregnant, my cousinĀ wrote me a cardĀ that one of her prayers was for meĀ “to love AimeeĀ as who she is“. Even when I was still pregnant I know it’d be not easy, as how much Aimee can be such a loveable kid, there must be some things that just don’t go asĀ my wish or plan, and she’s not a robot. I am also not the one who created her, God did.
I sobbed because I remember what my cousin wrote, and I felt sad because I could not accept her yet being an “extraordinarily energetic kid” (as my cousin also refers to Aimee). I wish she could be just a little bit calm down. I always said in my heart, “it’s better to watch Aimee being that energetic rather than seeing her laying down on bed because of being unwell”, it breaks my heart more when she was unwell. But, there are just some times that I wish her to just be calm (and not because she’s being unwell…) Hope you can understand what I mean…
Well, I write this not to complaining, but to just share especially if there are moms who have similarĀ trial with me. Experiences that basically need us to be super extra gentle and patience when facing our kids. I believe many may even have more ‘extraordinary struggles’, and I give them salutation and prayer that they (we) may find our strength in Christ alone.
“Lord, this is just the third day of a new year and I have already been behaving like this!?”, I said to myself in disappointment.
But then I heard a small voice saying, “This is exactly the third day of a new year and you still have plenty of time and opportunity to becoming a stronger mother!”
That’s the Holy Spirit, He always says positive things, doesn’t He… :’)
Well, to end this with, I quote what Jill Savage in her book “Real Moms… Real Jesus – Meet the Friend Who Understands” wrote (many thanks to my other cousin who bought this book to me, this book really is a blessing for meĀ -I’m blessed having these two beloved cousins called as “sweet peas” :P)
“Once we know God as our Savior, we begin a lifelong journey to make Him our Lord. The goal of that journey is to become more Christlike everday. There are several area of my life in which I’ve been able to easily move aside while Christ takes over in the driver’s seat. I’ve been able to die to my flesh without too much battle. But this particular trait of being compassionate and tender and having a gentle spirit will most likely be a lifelong expedition for me“
This, is exactly what I feel as well. This particular fruit of Spirit –patience andĀ gentleness– is the hardest I can bear much fruit in my life since I was born again in Christ. Now I’ve just come to realize as I’m writing this,Ā that throughout all my life circumstances, God always use them to prune more fruits in these particular areas; from my family and parents situation, workplace, relationships, to even facing bad customer service or some persons cutting the queue in front of me,Ā and now parenting!
I could still take a long time to write further about this thing, but well, it has been anĀ hour I’m hiding in my ‘secret chamber’ writing my blog while Aimee’s with my hubby. And you know what?
I miss her already.
Oh well……… In the end of the day, it’s all good. With all the sob and tears, they’re all good. Because God is always with me and this little family. Please Lord, grant me Your divine patience and gentleness…
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