“Dear Diary – pressing the pause button and choosing the better part”

“My Souvenirs” ๐Ÿ’›

We’ve been back from our month long holiday, life with its all routines has gone back to places. Some has changed; I’m talking in particular with Arielle, who has just turned 9 months old. She has started crawling actively, pulling herself up and standing and back to sitting position less wobbly, pulling drawers in and out (my first experience putting on the safety guards for the drawers turned out to be pretty much an accomplishment to myself as a mother lol – I didn’t use any of these safety guards when I was with Aimee); my little trinkets aren’t that safe anymore ~ welcome to the newย phase with a crawler baby at home!

Not forgetting to mention, she becomes more clingy too. I guess (I HOPE) this is just a temporary phase that soon will come back to “normal” again, and maybeย mostly caused by the frequency we had to carry her more often during our holiday (you see, the perks of coming back to our own lovely #homesweethome is we get to enjoy clean floor again – one which is really up to my standard! I am notย a total clean freak, but yes I like to keep my home clean and free from hoarded stuffs lol).

Oh, and her cries and screams become louder too *sigh* *lol* (but I’ve got myself used to the higher pitch her sister has so this one isn’t thatย threatening, perhaps haha).

While with baby number two I am more demanded to excel in “physical fitness” lol, maybe not so much anymore with my first daughter (turning 6 years old in September!!). With herย I am “forced” more often to get down on my knees and pray asking for wisdom, evenย for the simplest task like assisting and keeping her up to her premier’s reading challenge this year. All these new things I get to experience with a prep student is fun and exciting, but because they are also “new”, I lean on closer to my Father in Heaven. Why? Because I know I won’t be able to do it all without His strength, His wisdom, and His grace. Of course, I can ask advices from my friends with older kids, I can read some practical tips from magazines/internet; but I stillย firstly trust in the One who has assigned me this calling as a mother.

Well, they are about my kids. Then the rest ofย my other lifeย roles as a wife, as a homemaker, as a handmaker, as an artist, as aย friend, asย a minister, as an intercessor, as a daughter – and much much more. I admit I don’t have all the time to do this equally “good”. I am torn between many responsibilities, I have to prioritize some roles above others, and contribute more hours according to my life focus.

Eg. at the moment I’m still not ready yet to get back to my business life. I haven’t got back to any painting yet, my mind is cluttered. I need to ask the Lord once again for the purpose and direction. Meanwhile, I know that my family and kids are my number one priority with my time at the moment, and life as a mother of two hasn’t been any better. My kids grow up so fast, this isn’t a secret anymore and I don’t want this phrase to catch me off guard one day in the future and leave me with any “I wish”.

โค๏ธโค๏ธ

While my mind was racing with these kind of thoughts (in between talking to my own self and praying to Him on the other), one still small voice whispered in my heart, “worship Me, and all the other things will fall at its places accordingly“.

His Spirit reminded me to not get caught in life busyness, that I forgot to sit down at His feet and just enjoying His presence.

Take one part, the best part, and do it heartily.

Luke 10

โ€œMartha, Martha,โ€ the Lord answered, โ€œyou are worried and upset about many things, 42ย but few things are neededโ€”or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.โ€

In the midst of this life busyness, let me choose “what is better”. One that will not be taken away from me.

One day when life and all its routines and responsibilities end – HE is still my portion.

Matthew 6:33

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

The world can wait, yes, the world can wait.

But my soul will not.

My soul thirsts and hungers for more of You.

Soak meย with Your presence.

For only in Your presence I can see what is true, precious, and noble.

Nothing else than You.

The world can wait, yes, the world can wait.

Let me worship You above all else.

 

The Power of “Small”ย 

  
Do you ever wonder, the metaphors that Jesus used in His parable throughout His life of ministry are frequently images of the “SMALL“, which in appearance they look like nothing, yet its impact is way greater? Think of “salt, leaven (yeast), and seed“. 

Then again, Jesus the Son of God was born in Betlehem, SMALL town among Judah, and He came as a baby, SMALL among men. And throughout His life He didn’t aim to be “big” nor “the greatest”. 

He constantly turned to His Father in everything, “walking as the most dependent man who ever lived”. 
Had I not read the book “Simply Tuesday” by Emily P. Freeman yesterday, I wouldn’t connect them all together and give more thoughts about it!
Clearly the world and our culture publicize the opposite: “big is great, big is powerful”. And very often it is hard to swim against the current.

And yet, if we truly believe and have faith in God’s words in Bible, let it change our perspective and the truth will set us free. 

Small does not mean powerless. Small does not mean it’s nothing. 

The “small prayers” you pray everyday for your family/friends/loved ones – they have the power to prevail (James 5:16) and power to fight against the unseen (Eph 6:12). 

The “small seeds” you sow in the lives of your children despite of the sweats and tears fighting against their stubborness and every human tendency to sin – they have the power to establish your children on the right path and when they are old, they will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).

And there is still more other things in life that look like small, yet they sum up the big picture of what our life is really about!
That’s the power of the “smallness”. 

Don’t give up, continue on our labour, just be faithful for the “small things” before God entrust us with bigger things, which most often is not the same as what we expected #thinkoutsidethebox #Godsbox 

Matt 17:20b

“… For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, “Move from here to there”, and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you”

#crunchynatsjournal #prayerthatmovesmountain #warroom 

Merry Christmas 2015 โœจโœจโœจ

 

 While Christmas mostly related to all the cheers, joy and festivity, there may be “mourning in your merry”.. 

Last year in early December my grandfather in Indonesia passed away, days leading after that there were many tears and loss feelings. Christmas, New Year’s Eve and Chinese New Year celebration after then will never be the same (the whole big family usually gathered together in his house during one of these times), and small things can bring back my memories with him.
Christmas may bring this kind of sorrowful memories. And to those who have felt the loss, I’d like to wish you Christ’s peace and comfort to be in your heart. In time, mourning can still turn into merry. Like there was glory waiting for Jesus after the agony of death at the cross
Nevertheless, I wish you a Merry Christmas to a near and far family, friends, and other “virtual/insta friends” from around the world! โ˜บ๏ธ
May there is room in our heart for Him ๐ŸŒŸ

“Hello June 2015” (Hello Winter Months)

 

sweet moment-in-truth with Jesus
 
Waking up to the next half chapter of 2015, it’s June already! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ 
I re-read again the note I typed back in February for my intention to make this year “my most purposeful year yet” (inspired by the Make It Happen book by Lara Casey). I purposely printed out the note so I can always have a read whenever I want to. This may sound like planning a company or a business overview, but well for me, my mind always become more clear everytime I put down my mind into words on paper (or blog ๐Ÿ˜›), that’s why I love to write and journalling and cannot pass few days without writing down my mind (I love how God created me uniquely ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š).
As I read, there is a sense of feeling overwhelmed yet also grateful for the past months. I am thankful for all the happy moments, for God’s deliverance through all my difficulties, and for doors that are yet to be opened, and for prayers that are yet to be answered.

There are tears and painful moments throughout my parenting journey and marriage life. There are moments when I have tried so hard and yet I still fail or things still don’t work as I planned. I would cry out to God for His help, and sometimes I’m just not that patient enough to “wait and be still”.

There are also moments when God is more real than ever, through “impossible times” He showed me His miracles, protections and faithfulness. What can I do more other than giving thanks sincerely from the deepest of my heart to my Divine Creator and Eternal Father.

Although at times I may feel as if I am alone and a “sole fighter”, He is always with me.

Well, that’s it for now, need to attend Aimee and her craft session ๐Ÿ˜›

I hope though as you read this, you may also find your strength in God alone. Perhaps that struggle, challenge or painful moment were meant for you to look up, to Him. To utter words of prayer from your humbled heart, to give God the best thing you can give: your surrendered heart and life.

“That is why I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. 
For when I am weak, then I am strong” – 2 Cor 12:10 

In the process of understanding better of my calling…

I missed an entry yesterday cos it’s been a busy and tiring day (plus a blackout at night!). This year I’m just trying to write my blog everyday even though only a short one during a busy dayย hehe..

Yesterday morning still was a ‘911’ situation because Aimee cried the minute she woke up and wouldn’t let me do anything else. It was easier when I have my hubby around to help me, at least I can have a ‘me-time’ for a moment, like now ๐Ÿ˜› But, I realize as part of what I wrote on the first day of New Year, there’s a lot of my mindset need to be changed and aligned with God’s words and perspective. One of them perhaps I need to remind myself that my ‘job’ now is a mother -that is to taking well care of Aimee. Often my mind was distracted by how I have to do this and that, and forgot that my main focus is Aimee, my own daughter. I’ve prayed for this and I get my prayer answered, to have a quality time with Aimee, and I musn’t take that for granted.

I’m facing what other full time moms may also think especialy those who previously worked full time and had a good career, that being a full time mom gives “no or lessย achievement” compared with one at the office. Well I’m in the proces of letting God changes my mindset and understanding better of my calling being a ‘mother’, please help me in prayer for that ๐Ÿ™‚

Well, given only a short time, I have to go now, tty again tomorrow ๐Ÿ™‚

Merry Christmas 2012!

"Christmas is about His story"
“Christmas is about His story”

I’ve been arriving in Melbourne since the 15th, and is very grateful that now I am here, and Christmas this year feels so different.. More contentment in my heart. Being away from my family is better I guess… sometimes distance is necessary in a relationship, even with your loved ones… days before my parents were back to Jakarta, somehow God showed me a revelation which unburdened my heavy loads for years about my disappointment toward the circumstances in my family… That my parents actually love me. It’s just because life circumstances in Jakarta that make them ‘unpurposely’ did things that hurt my heart… It is simple, yet very relieving… and I don’t know why I couldn’t accept it while I was still in Indo… 5 days where they were with me, my hubby, and Aimee gave that revelation… and I could only give thanks to God. Not being able to see the daily reality in Indo is better, particularly during certain festive occassions such as this Christmas. I will never stop praying for them, my faith tells me one day they will be changed, they will.It will be one day of God’s appointed time.

Today’s Christmas message which was taken from the history of how the birth of Jesus fulfilled the prophet’s revelations which were proclaimed 700 years before Jesus actually was born, tells me that Godย doesย work in all things in our life, things that may seem like naturally happen, or sometimes could be supernaturally like how the virgin Mary could carry the baby in her womb by the power and miracle of the Holy Spirit. But mostly, through all natural things happen in our life, never underestimate them. They may seem happen like ‘the way they suppose to’, but God works behind all of those to do good for all of us who love Him (Romans 8:28).

Just like the Bible tells about how history begins, let our life becomes His story.

Entering the new year, don’t ask “what should I do with my life? what are my dreams? what are my future plans?”. Instead, ask “what God wants to do with my life? what dreams God wants me to have? what future plans God wants me to concieve?”

I’ve forgotten that life is God-centered, and is never about myself.

This Christmas seasonย the Holy Spirit reminds me, to return to what my true life purpose is. My life is for Him alone, for His glory, His kingdom. He works through all my weaknesses and errors, He transforms it for an even greater miracle and testimony.

Thank You Jesus.

Happy Birthday, I’m very proud that the whole world celebrates Your birthday. One day those who only celebrate it with god cause and presents will understand that Christmas is only about Your story and never about themselves.

Merry Christmas everyone! HO HO HO ๐Ÿ˜€

 

My Desire – To Become Proverbs 31’s Woman :)

When I was still single, whenever I read Proverbs 31 describing characteristics of a godly woman/wife/mother in front of God’s eyes, I felt very inspired, yet overwhelmed at the same time. How could I be so “perfect”? Fast forward years later, reading an article yesterday written by Jennifer Heeren “A Guide to True Beauty” from Crosswalk Devotional, I am even more overwhelmed…!

A virtuous wife is a treasure.

Her husband can trust her. He will have all he needs. She makes him look good all the days of her life.

She isnโ€™t afraid to get her hands dirty. She works. She seeks to have a home filled with a variety of foods. She often gets up when it is still dark to begin her day. Food abounds to her household.

She is business-minded and invests in things that profit her home.

She keeps herself healthy and strong for her everyday tasks. She perceives that her life and home are good.

She is content.

She speaks with kind and helpful words and seeks to help all the people around her, not just her family.

Her household can weather the vicissitudes of the journeys ahead.

She dresses with care and even flair. She makes herself attractive for her husband.

She helps him be the kind of man that others look up to and respect.

She keeps herself busy and clothes herself with dignity. She conducts herself as a child and disciple of God.

She rejoices for the future because she does the work of today. She speaks with wisdom and kindness. She guards her household and protects them with prayer.

Her children bless her and her husband praises her. They think she is the best of all women. She knows that charm can be deceitful. She is aware that outer beauty slips away along with the years but inner beauty grows with every wrinkle.

A lifetime of fruit will be evident when she stands in front of her great God.

Above is the free translation from the Proverbs 31, amazed? You might not expect the Bible would describe ‘women’s world’ with that kind of detail right. Reading the free translation ease me in understanding how my role as a wife and mother should be, if not also putting more pressure on me. Yes, I am working and business-minded (pretty much), do dress with care (or sometimes not :P), managing food abounds in my home especially for Aimee (as my hubby would be more flexible for late lunch or take aways).. but how about She often gets up when it is still dark to begin her day? (why waking up when Aimee’s crying in the middle of night already feel so difficult? or wake up earlier to read the Bible feel so heavy?) She perceives that her life and home are good? She is content? (hello, stop complaining and comparing myself with ‘the neighbors whose grass is greener’), She speaks with kind and helpful words and seeks to help all the people around her, not just her family? (instead of being rude, impolite, and only focusing on the greater wealthiness of my own family),

and personally with my husband, She makes him look good all the days of her life (instead of complaining about him to my best friend of how annoyed I am sometimes), He will have all he needs (sharing partner when I am not so stubborn?), They think she is the best of all women (will my husband and daughter say I am the one?)…

Lord, I am still far away from what You are willing me to be, but this article has inspired me a lot and I see that not as a burden, but more of God’s way in helping me to be more ‘perfect’ for my husband (and daughter). The article is also quite practical, it gives tips and more insights than I previously have known. I shall discuss it in the next entry ๐Ÿ˜‰

For now, as Heeren also wrote, the qualities described in the Proverbs 31 are not a daily to-do list and don’t happen overnight. These qualities come to fruition gradually over a lifetime.

No one day will be perfect, nothing worthwhile will come easy, and not everything will go right all the time. With prayer and the Holy Spiritโ€™s help, you can see more and more of these qualities in yourself. They grow as you seek to follow God, not when you follow a to-do list perfectly.

For single ladies, Heeren also gives this advice:

Even before marriage, you should act in ways that would bring respect to a future mate. Anything you do as a single can affect a marriage later on. When you are with your husband, you will discuss the past. Everyone, married or single, has a husband in Jesus and your life should respect Him, as well.

Hope the article and my sharing can bless you all today, as the Holy Spirit convicts your heart in the same way like He does to me ๐Ÿ™‚

“Nanny 911”

Last week was a tough week for me.. on Monday morning our nanny suddenly said she needed to go back home because her mom was hospitalized and she didn’t know when she would return to Jakarta backย  to work.. in other words, she resigned. As you may have known, i am a full time worker, so is my husband. We are a few among many full time worker parents out there who really feel grateful to the existence of so-called ‘nanny’ (those working moms who have had a reliable nanny must relate well to my story here..)
I straightaway contacted several nanny providers that day but couldn’t find a single nanny available.. apparently it’s particularly difficult around this month as Lebaran will be coming soon.

On Monday night, we had to make a tough decision which was to let her go the next morning without having found her replacement yet.. We didn’t want anything bad happened to her mom while she was ‘forced’ to stay.. my husband and me straightaway plotted our days off to take care of Aimee respectively in return (thank God my boss allowed me taking 2 days off in such a short notice).

On Thursday, my aunty was willing to accompany me looking for a nanny, visiting several nanny provider at Kota, found none available before finally we got one near Latumenten! Then on Sunday my mom-in-law came to cover us so both of us could go back to work the next Monday without having to worry much leaving Aimee with the new nanny. Really thank God for His help which came in time of need.

Right now I’m still planning to find another replacement for the nanny as apparently she’s not that capable enough compared with the previous one (according to our standard), and if my mom-in-law wasn’t here, i don’t think i can trust leaving Aimee with the nanny.. it may seem a simple issue of a nanny, but when we have been in a comfort zone where everything has been in order and when suddenly that simple thing is taken out, the result is a disorder, a “chaos”…

Well, i just want to share, being a ‘mature Christian’ doesn’t feel that easy.. often i cry out to the Lord pleading for His help, but it feels so long for me to wait until that help to arrive.. being confused with the nanny problem on the Friday, there was also a big family problem at the same time plus a struggle whether I had to quit from work (while how our needs can still be sufficiently fulfilled).. I tried to face it all in faith and hope to please Him, but many times I’m not that strong.. and in humbleness i could see myself not that mature enough..
Yet after i got it through at least the half way, eventhough i may not seem to receive God’s answer in a viable way, God did speak through all the occurrence, opening doors according to His wills, closing one which are not..

LORD, please provide a way.. and strengthen me while I’m waiting.. in the end i can only thank You, without Your grace i could not go on..

Don’t Ignore or Runaway, Keep On Moving!

Not all parents and child get along well together. For me, i have an ‘unique’ sort of a love-and-hate relationship with both of them. I used to keep this thing discreet, yet as i grow older, i tend to accept it the way it is and try not to make it a fuss especially after i”ve got married and have my own family. However i have to admit, this family issue thing isn’t that easy to ignore or forget. Maybe at the first place, it’s not a response that God wants me to have anyway (to try my best to forget and ignore it). God wants me to face it, to deal with it. Until when? I do not know.

Yet as I’m writing this entry, i come to really realize that it is so right what i said at above, that God wants me to face it, face every challenge, every things that look like pain.. instead of running away from it.. Holy Spirit is truly speaking at me right now..

These verses really strengthen me in facing this moment, as how the writer was very burdened by ‘trouble, wandering, the bitter root and poison’.. similar things I”ve been continuously carrying on and off for so many years…

Lamentations 3:19-26

Keep in mind my trouble and my wandering, the bitter root and the poison.
My soul still keeps the memory of them; and is bent down in me.

This I keep in mind, and because of this I have hope.

It is through the Lord’s love that we have not come to destruction, because his mercies have no limit.

They are new every morning; great is your good faith.

I said to myself, The Lord is my heritage; and because of this I will have hope in him.

The Lord is good to those who are waiting for him, to the soul which is looking for him.

It is good to go on hoping and quietly waiting for the salvation of the Lord.

In the end, the grace of the Lord prevails,
Giving me hope and courage to not giving up.
Thank You Lord for picking me up once again.