“Dear Diary – pressing the pause button and choosing the better part”

“My Souvenirs” 💛

We’ve been back from our month long holiday, life with its all routines has gone back to places. Some has changed; I’m talking in particular with Arielle, who has just turned 9 months old. She has started crawling actively, pulling herself up and standing and back to sitting position less wobbly, pulling drawers in and out (my first experience putting on the safety guards for the drawers turned out to be pretty much an accomplishment to myself as a mother lol – I didn’t use any of these safety guards when I was with Aimee); my little trinkets aren’t that safe anymore ~ welcome to the new phase with a crawler baby at home!

Not forgetting to mention, she becomes more clingy too. I guess (I HOPE) this is just a temporary phase that soon will come back to “normal” again, and maybe mostly caused by the frequency we had to carry her more often during our holiday (you see, the perks of coming back to our own lovely #homesweethome is we get to enjoy clean floor again – one which is really up to my standard! I am not a total clean freak, but yes I like to keep my home clean and free from hoarded stuffs lol).

Oh, and her cries and screams become louder too *sigh* *lol* (but I’ve got myself used to the higher pitch her sister has so this one isn’t that threatening, perhaps haha).

While with baby number two I am more demanded to excel in “physical fitness” lol, maybe not so much anymore with my first daughter (turning 6 years old in September!!). With her I am “forced” more often to get down on my knees and pray asking for wisdom, even for the simplest task like assisting and keeping her up to her premier’s reading challenge this year. All these new things I get to experience with a prep student is fun and exciting, but because they are also “new”, I lean on closer to my Father in Heaven. Why? Because I know I won’t be able to do it all without His strength, His wisdom, and His grace. Of course, I can ask advices from my friends with older kids, I can read some practical tips from magazines/internet; but I still firstly trust in the One who has assigned me this calling as a mother.

Well, they are about my kids. Then the rest of my other life roles as a wife, as a homemaker, as a handmaker, as an artist, as a friend, as a minister, as an intercessor, as a daughter – and much much more. I admit I don’t have all the time to do this equally “good”. I am torn between many responsibilities, I have to prioritize some roles above others, and contribute more hours according to my life focus.

Eg. at the moment I’m still not ready yet to get back to my business life. I haven’t got back to any painting yet, my mind is cluttered. I need to ask the Lord once again for the purpose and direction. Meanwhile, I know that my family and kids are my number one priority with my time at the moment, and life as a mother of two hasn’t been any better. My kids grow up so fast, this isn’t a secret anymore and I don’t want this phrase to catch me off guard one day in the future and leave me with any “I wish”.

❤️❤️

While my mind was racing with these kind of thoughts (in between talking to my own self and praying to Him on the other), one still small voice whispered in my heart, “worship Me, and all the other things will fall at its places accordingly“.

His Spirit reminded me to not get caught in life busyness, that I forgot to sit down at His feet and just enjoying His presence.

Take one part, the best part, and do it heartily.

Luke 10

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

In the midst of this life busyness, let me choose “what is better”. One that will not be taken away from me.

One day when life and all its routines and responsibilities end – HE is still my portion.

Matthew 6:33

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

The world can wait, yes, the world can wait.

But my soul will not.

My soul thirsts and hungers for more of You.

Soak me with Your presence.

For only in Your presence I can see what is true, precious, and noble.

Nothing else than You.

The world can wait, yes, the world can wait.

Let me worship You above all else.

 

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“Confession of a (Then) Worryaholic”

Don't waste your life by worrying!

I have to confess about something……… which is:

I get easily worried these days!

(you’d thought it’d be something worst huh… hahaha… but really, getting worry too easily is ugly especially if you let it settle down in your heart for quite some time!)

My frozen yoghurt shop will commence soon (in less than a month, FINALLY!) and things just get busier… I am very excited, of course! This is God’s favor!! Greater than my imagination!

But some part of me started to get worried too. The shop hasn’t even been opened yet many things have made me stressed out! Other than worries, some part of me also feeling scared… Other than the thought whether I’ll be able to manage the shop and business well, my concern is also about whether I will be able to ENJOY doing it!

Opening my own business is my dream, my passion, and I loveee frozen yoghurt! Yet when things later get busier and sometimes could be out of hands, would I still be able to enjoy it?

One of the worst things that I don’t want to be in my life is, doing something that I can’t enjoy!

I hate the feeling to force my steps getting to work that I don’t even love! (I enjoyed my previous work experiences, they were all God’s blessings for me, they all have enriched my life experiences in many ways, but maybe I couldn’t say that I love them…)

Other than this issue, I’m also worried about the financial thing… I use my own saving for this business and didn’t ask for a penny from my parents (of course if they decided to contribute I wouldn’t mind either hihihihi…). I understand my parents are also in need of money… and I don’t want to put them any other burden…

This is personal for me, but I think it’d be still ok to share about this in my own blog…

I’ve never thought money would become a problem for me, you know… Fortunately, I’ve been raised in a wealthy family and even until now I can say that I am not lack of anything that I need. God is so good, He has provided me a lovely place to stay, food to eat & healthy nutrition to have (I don’t have to skip any meal because I don’t afford to buy it, unlike people in some third-world countries), clothes to wear, and other blessings than the material (these are just to name a few of God’s goodness in my life)!

But during the last several months (almost a year) when I haven’t earned any money from any job (while money keeps going out for the business planning, bills, and other needs -sometimes also wants-), money has started to become a problem for me… I don’t want to burden my parents because I know my dad, in particular, have issues on his own…

I have to be really wise in using my money and saving, especially a newly-wed life will be soon arriving in my book of life! If I spent all my savings on my business, how could I still manage to buy our ‘dream apartment’ and my own car when I go back to Jakarta (those are the two primary things that come into my mind at least)….? That is to name few things that really concern me about the financial issue, other things related is better kept in confidential… 🙂

Sooo… these days all things have built up in my mind and made me stressed, switching on my Blackberry in the morning (see, the Lord still blesses me with a cool phone! ;P) and receiving many emails about things I have to do made me stressed, bills also made me stressed, plus other unnecessary things that I shouldn’t even fuss about! I have to make my BB in silence mode! (it helps :P) In Indo language, I may be just ‘senyoan’ 😛

Then this afternoon when I receive another unexpected news about increase in the budget, ‘strangely/funnily’ my reaction is just “happy-go-lucky”!! Of course, I still think of ‘how about the saving that I supposed to use for buying the apartment?!’, but then a voice in my heart said, “That is later. God will provide it later. Just focus on now

WOWWW!

Did my heart say that out of desperation (que sera sera), or out of faith???

Yet it brings peace in my heart!

And as I took a walk by myself this evening, a voice in my heart again said, “Why do you have to worry for your life? You don’t own your life, God owns it. Do you think that God will not also sustain it?”

Lord, I believe it is Your Holy Spirit who’s spoken to my heart…! I don’t want to live my life in worry! I want to live by faith, not by sight!

You’re the One who ‘proposed’ this business for me (seriously the opportunity just came out of nowhere and He has broken down so many impossibilities until I was made sure that this is truly God’s will!), You’re also the One who will provide and equip me!

You’re the One who also ‘proposed’ another wonderful plan (a marriage life) into my life, I believe You also take control of every details of it!! And if it’s Your will for me and my bf to go back to Indo, all the material things we need to begin our new life there is nothing compared to Your riches and glory!

Oh God, I know this is all to enlarge my faith, because You have more blessings in store for me! You need to prepare my faith to claim even greater miracles from You!

Now this devotional I received two days ago from The Vine “Stop Worrying About It!” http://www.thevine.co.nz/word/archive/2010/03/17 ‘make sense’ to me! God’s been trying to speak to me that it is true, no point of being worry when I have  a great God, the Owner of my life!!

You’re welcome to click the link and read it for yourselves 🙂

Friends, please pray for me, more than my financial need, for my faith to grow strong in the Lord, to see His power and greatness in my life, that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens and equips me… Thank you & God bless you all 🙂

PS: I wrote the title as ‘then’ because I don’t want any longer to be a worryaholic! 😉

My God is my Provider 🙂

Ngobrol-Ngobrol Soal Novel (Dikit aja)…. :)

Hellowwww…

So here I am, sitting down here facing a white wall in my own room with two boxes full of CDs and a sweet frog doll present from my friend at my left side…thinking it’s been a long time since the last time I updated my blog… ukhhhh…

I still regularly updating my Facebook notes though (walo sempet MIA-Missing in Action-for a month :P). Biasanya entry dr FB Note itu bakal aku copas kesini, tp utk bbrp entry blman sih hehe.. Sehrsnya isi blog ini jg lebih personal kali ya..meaning ga hrs sama ma entry2 di note Facebook tp disini lbh ada sedikit ‘sentuhan pribadi’…hihihi… Kayanya jg lebih jarang visitors yg buka nih blog dibanding buka my Facebook page (bener ga sih? rasanya sih iya hahaha) jdnya lebih aman buat share lil bit more personal things disini (kaya mo share apaan aja yah hehehe)..n’ disini kl ada yg mo ksh comment kan msh tetep bisa 😉

Entry kali ini emang byk ngobrol ngalor ngidul aja deh ya…

Hmmm… Begini…. Skrg ini aku lg in progress of writing a novel…. (yeyyyy *ada applause as background sound, applause dr diri gw sndr hahaha :P).. Mulainya sih baru kira2 2 mingguan lalu deh… It is my dream to write a book since 2007, tp akhirnya br skrg bener2 dijalanin… Bukan krn males ato ga brani sih, tp simply krn idenya jg br dapetnya skrg!! hehehe… Tiba2 aja one day that idea came up, sbnrnya jg input dr my lovely bf sih hehe… Pas di-pkr2 bener juga yah… Intinya kan write on smt that I am familiar with… Smt yg diambil atau ditulis dr personal experience biasanya kan jg lbh bs dijiwai yah….

So, jadi deh ide buku ini muncul… (skrg ini udah sampe Chapter 5, sampe brp chapter nih buku bakalan? Aku sndr honestly blm tau, let the fingers type as well as the heart follows *cieeehhhhh…hahahaha…). Yg pasti aku jg udah doa buat inspirasi dan ide2 kreatif dr Holy Spirit, cos this is meant to be a Christian novel meski msh masuk kategori fiksi…

 

This novel will tell a story about a woman at mid 30s, working as a columnist at an international Christian magazine in Jakarta. She has a wonderful husband and one very loveable daughter.

Ceritanya akan berkisar seputar her past, how her relationship with her mom and dad brought her to this stage, as well as her present, konflik2 yg msh dia hrs hadapi yg berkaitan banyak dgn orgtuanya especially her mother.

As u may see, critanya bakal banyak revolved around family life and marriage. Pain, sadness, betrayal, unfaithfulness. Itu smua bkn pilihan si wanita ini, tp memang ga bs dihindari cos she’s still living in this corrupted world.

Wowww… now as I’m writing this, I think I’m ready to write a short preview about this novel soon hahaha… (rough idea-nya slm ini br ada di kepala sndr, tp pengen jg kan ksh short preview-nya gitu ke temen2 biar mrk bs lbh anticipated nungguinnya hihihi :P).. Jd nanti kl udah slesai ditls, preview-nya bakal aku post disini yah 😉 Yg diatas td br sekedar ‘obrolan’ hehehe…

Hmmm…

Segitu dl deh kali ini, ngobrol ngalor ngidul aja soal novel milik sndr..hahaha… Mau mandi dl nih habis itu nungguin roti bakar pesenan dateng pas dd aku udah plg jg (coklat keju ma kornet telor :P)… Td br ikutan nonton “Race to Witch Mountain” ma dia n cwnya (dia blg gw jd ‘kecoak’, udah bukan nyamuk lg >.< hahaha…)

 

Ciaooooooo… 😛

March 2009

It is the third month of 2009. I said to myself last night, another nine months available for me to be able to enjoy the fullness of life in Christ. Another nine months available from God, a gift for me, to witness His wonderful works and miracles in my life, the best so far.

I do not say “nine months left” because I am not being hunted by time. I say “nine months available” because that would sound more as an OPPORTUNITY.

The first two months have passed, nothing to be regret. I’ve made plans for future months yet I know I’m still living my days at present.

The key this year to see God’s miracles is just believe. And what makes me to believe? By walking close with Him. Side by side. Every single day.

I want my heart to be attached more and more to His. Until it aches whenever I do not taste His living and reviving water.

I want to feel the goodness of His love more and more each day. Until world’s agony and disappointment is nothing compared to the glory He has in store for me.

I want to live as in to win a crown, crown of life that is.

I don’t know what I can do for or give You but You got me – spirit, soul, and body…