Here in the middle of February 2010 I sit down and take time to reflect of my life.
I’ve been feeling low lately and I’m fighting to return to the loving hands of my Father in Heaven. With a human brain this small I’ve been feeding too many thoughts and with a heart this narrow and faint I’ve been putting too many burdens.
♥ I’m getting married in nine months and my own business will commence soon within a month ♥
Yet the Gate of Misfocused and Discontent is preventing me to move into the Place of Nonexplicable Joy. THIS IS A VERY VERY GREAT NEWS BY THE GRACE OF MY LORD!!! (I mean the part of I’m getting married and my dream to be an entrepeneur has becoming into a reality -I can see my faith in my dreams that once was only a seed has developed into buds and soon to flourish)
I need time to break, to ponder on which should I prioritize among these many thoughts in my brain and burdens in my heart. I want my wedding to be one that I’ve been dreaming of, a normal desire just like any other brides-to-be; I have to remind myself and struggle over it that it is not the most necessary. Yes, it is very important to me (without meaning to be selfish) but that is not a matter of “life and death”, what and how my marriage will be is!
How if I couldn’t get my fave wedding singer and band to sing beautiful love songs during the reception, my fave colors and styles in my invitations cards, a beautiful, classic, and elegant wedding gown with lots of layers and long train, my desired decoration theme, and so on, and so on?? Oh my oh my… Notice there’s lot of ‘my, me and myself’ here… Is that the most important thing? Me?
I MUST have courage to put that Selfish Child somewhere in the corner room of my heart grounded! No pocket money, no way of her going out until she progressively changes to Miss Humble! When she gets out then she’d meet Mr. Grateful, only then the eyes of my heart will focus on the wonderful love between them two.
My other burden, how will our (me and my husband-to-be) future be when we’ve decided to move to Indo? Another encounter with Mr. Uncertainty and Doubt (I often meet him often these days and sooo many times before). If I didn’t bring my key of God’s Promise at all times with me, soon my faith will become weaker and weaker because instead of fixing my eyes to find the door with the given key from my Lord, I’d entertain myself with this Mr. Uncertainty and Doubt!
No good to my faith!
This is time for me to exercise my faith, to let God’s Words “May you walk by faith, not by sight” become alive in my life!
With other burdens such as family and financial issues, my other dreams that hasn’t been made come true (one of those is to write and publish my own book), and so on, and so on, deep in my heart I know even those aren’t the most important thing in my life! Once again they only involve worries, doubts, and stresses if I didn’t face those all with my faith in the Lord.
So what’s the most important thing now…………………………….?
My faith!
“Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him” – Hebrews 11:6
Why is faith the most important to me? Because without it I cannot please God!
Even though I’m not in the “peak moments” in my Christianity journey with the Lord at the present, deep inside my heart I still have this desire to have this kind of faith that is pleasing God!
Not deeds that’s pleasing Him, but (only) FAITH! Only to believe in Him, believe in His every promises, believe in His characters, virtues, and intentions! Believe that there is a special room for me special in Heaven! Believe that even though I cannot see Him with my own eyes soon I will be able to if I didn’t give up or even look back! Believe that even though I cannot see Him, He sees all the way through my heart and life and my single actions! Believe that He must have not pleased with my every actions yet He still loves me perfectly!
BELIEVE! JUST BELIEVE!
When I wake up in the morning and feeling discouraged to face another day ‘without hope and purpose’, BELIEVE that this is the day that He has made for me and He’s willing for me to take pleasure in it just as a wonderful Father gives a gift to His beloved children! Believe that I am His beloved child!
Among all the struggles, the dillemas, the sufferings from the world’s corruption of sin, FAITH is the most important thing! FAITH is the only thing I will possess eternally! The ‘heroes-of-faith’ mentioned in Hebrews 11 only inherit one thing to other witnesses of Christ: their faith!
“Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them” – Hebrews 11:16
O Dear Lord Jesus,
Please protect my faith in You. I praise Your name and I shout out with joy for Your presence in my life, and for the anointing power of Your Holy Spirit which is helping me to go deeper in Your truths and soar higher in Your power. I turn my eyes to the heavens anticipating new wisdom and deeper insights into Your sacred truths. I praise You that the kingdom You are establishing right now on this earth cannot be shaken.
I pray that I am becoming more confident about who I am in You, not from what the world defines about me.
Release me from bondage of living a defeated live!
Feed me with manna from heaven that fills my hunger and sustains me on my journey to the river of life where my thirst will be filled. Feed me with Your truths so I can grow stronger and be hope-filled. Fill me with hearts of praise for what You have already done for me, so I can join the chorus of praise now being lifted up.
Turn my hearts toward worship, praise, and thanksgiving when I start to wallow in self pity, selfishness, or pride.
Lord, help me to see that every day is an opportunity to prepare myself — every day is an opportunity to focus my minds and hearts on You and Your purposes — and every day is a day I can hear Your still small voice share its secrets with me, helping me to resist evil, and focus on truth, righteousness, and holiness.
I choose today to take refuge in You.
I choose to fear the Lord and not man, and I choose obedience over willfulness and submission over pride. I am blessed beyond measure already, and I praise and thank You for all You have provided, knowing that I will lack no good thing as I seek You first above all else.
And Lord, last but not least,
I pray bring me back my first love in You!
To You be all the honor and glory!
My Thoughts... My Life... 
Natalia, it has been some time since I visited Indonesia. It was there that I learned more about myself and my faith, just how great our God is. I was asked to write up the story of an indigenous church that sprung up during WW II. I was humbled by their simple yet wonderful faith. God blessed these people and He poured out His Spirit upon them. When there was lack, the Holy Spirit gave them food to share with the starving inhabitants of the island. God’s faithful servant was mentally slow, no personality, and his own son told me that he was very ugly. He cried out, “God, I am nothing. Use me as you see fit.” The Japanese soldiers beat him with rubber hoses but he refused to renounce his faith. As the missionaries began returning at the close of the war this man with two others met them asking them to return with their island to baptize the over six thousand new Christians. He felt he couldn’t baptize since he was not “ordained.” Or was he?
May God richly bless you as you open yourself to God’s riches.
Ken and Maggie
“Going before God on behalf of others”
One suggestion: Move close enough to others to hear their heart beat and you will fill volumes.